Unofficially fired, discrimination

[EveHarrington]

Throwing you out without any explanation?

Happens all the time.

If you can’t do your job, they are within their rights.

You never sought out official disability accommodations, which really could have helped you in this instance, so that’s on you.

If you don’t seek out legal protections through the proper channels as granted by the ADA, then you don’t have a right to them. That’s kind of how things work in higher education institutions.

My guess is that your immediate boss has no idea about how to accommodate a disabled person, which is why it’s so important to go through the proper channels. It got to a breaking point, and boom, you were simply out.

My guess is that your boss thought calling campus security was the right thing. You escalated simply because you were ignored? Can you not understand why this is a big issue? You’re going to be ignored plenty throughout life. I really hope you can learn to deal with being ignored before it turns into a ptsd episode.

Accommodations are one thing, but I think that even if you had accommodations, they’d still be within their rights to fire you because you had an episode over being ignored.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Accommodations are one thing, but I think that even if you had accommodations, they’d still be within their rights to fire you because you had an episode over being ignored.

Accomendations are there so that your medical/mental health issues do not impact your job. If medical/mental health issues impact your job and if you do not seek proper channels (doctors, medications, time off, accomedations that are within reason etc) then the job has a right to fire you. Period. Or even if you do seek proper channels for an accomediation you can be fired. If your medical/medical health issue impacts your job in anyway you can be fired. Period.

Discrimination is being fired for being disabled but symptoms not impacting your job. So, for having PTSD (or being in a wheelchair or whatever) but being able to fully do your job and it not impacting your job what so ever.

@LoveTea, do you want help or do you want to just keep turning everything on how much they wronged you? You seem to be twisting everything back to how much they have wronged you and you are not taking responsibilty for simply keeping your symptoms out of your job. College job or not. This is A JOB! You got paid reguardless if that was in your banking account of paying your way in school. A job is a job. You are responsible for doing your job duties when on duty, staying out of the working areas when off duty, being at and off work on time, and for doing your job duties unobstructive by symptoms of any medical or medical health issues. That is your responsibility. An employer is an employer, not a friend or otherwise. You can hang out with an employer and be freindly with an employer and even make friends with an employer (or even date an employer) but they are still your employer.

I feel we are missing a ton of this story. You were off the clock. You walked into a room, people ignored you, you got upset and had some sort of episode; which seems to be a mystery of what it was, how bad it was, as well as what it entaled but it was bad enough for campus security to be called. I would say that's enough to be justifiably fired. Period. They never wronged you. They are (were) your employers. You f*cked up and allowed some sort of upset episode to spill over, during off the clock time, to your working area. Where other employees are trying to work. Take responsibilty. Learn from this. Move on. I mean, what else is there to say?

 

[joeylittle]

Lots of good thoughts here.

@LoveTea - you walked through a group of them, they were talking and didn’t acknowledge you...and then what happened? I still feel fuzzy.

You threw down your backpack, and they said some version of ‘take a minute to collect yourself’ - but the called security.

You are clear that you believe you were treated unfairly. It is hard to understand what actually happened, because when you try and tell us about it you minimize your behavior and magnify theirs.

When you say that you had done worse in the past, but mostly you just shut down - @Neverthesame asked what that actually looked like, in terms of your actions/behavior and how it affected things...I think if you can spell some of this stuff out more clearly it might help us help you more. When you were being given some time to recover from whatever happened...how did the verbal exchanges go between you and supervisors - as in, what was actually said?

Maybe if you describe in more detail we can help you at least understand it from their perspective, and that might help you figure out how to talk with them or your Dean about it productively - at least so you can have closure. But maybe even better - reconciliation.

 

[LoveTea]

@joeylittle I understand that I’m minimizing my own stuff sometimes, I do. It’s hard to know for sure what happens because I get overwhelmed and when I try to ask what happened no one will answer me. I am upset because not only did they say they would give me a minute and didn’t. They also said in the past that if they thought it was out of control, they would ask me to leave, I didn’t have a problem with that. But they didn’t even give me the opportunity to leave and I did leave and they didn’t just let me be they had security follow me. I don’t have a history of harming myself and my symptoms don’t mean that I will. They have not even mentioned campus safety to me in 9 months.

My symptoms last year were very up and down. I wasn’t in therapy at the time, and I was getting frustrated by both my symptoms and other personal stuff which only compounded them. I would dissociate or panic (we discovered later that I had a tactile trigger in the office also had something to do with it so I started wearing gloves). Meaning I wouldn’t respond verbally and kinda space out (so I had non-verbal ways of communicating instead). The paniking never turned into a panic attack infront of people, but it could be pretty upsetting and my boss would come give me a hug and let me cry it out. She would tell me that I was safe, I was strong, and she believed it would get better if I got into therapy. Afterwards, we’d both get back to work. A few times, it got beyond her and she took me to the health center (she knew camous safety was super last resort). It was pretty frequent—at least once a shift, someone would always come running to help (don’t get me wrong I totally get why this was bad/unhealthy/problematic for wor etc) I honestly don’t have a good sense how long these would last. Sometimes my boss would tell me she couldn’t deal with it, so I would try to on my own, but I was still careful to stay out of the way.

I got into therapy over the summer and started to learn how to actually handle it on my own. I asked to talk to my bosses many times, and they were unresponsive in person, so I emailed them in September. Basically, the way my therapist explained it is the only way we knew how to communicate with eachother was through my symptoms. I was only interacted with when something happened, not for work, or socially (it’s a super social environment), or even common courtesies (hello’s or thank you’s). My boss said she would back off from my grounding and make an effort to intract with me outside of all that crap. She was more social for about two months or so, but she also kept interferring with my symptoms still. I tried to tell her to back off, but she didn’t really take it seriously. I understand she was trying to help, but she wasn’t listening to me. They actually started letting me do more for work, but they weren’t treating my time fairly and while other people would get weeks notice on things I would get hours to a day. When I said what I wanted they said they would make an effort to let me do that, but never did (I’m really not picky I just want to learn more). I just figured if I kept trying and kept getting better this would improve.

I came back in January and they basically cut me out of everything. I went from making around $100 a week to $200 in 2 months. Even when I was working, I was doing complete BS. They went right back to ignoring me except during symptoms, which was really hard since they barely even happened anymore (I still dissociate 1/3 shifts). But they never popped up while anything was happening, and it would only last 5 minutes or less. I was still trying to do it on my own. I never cried, I never paniked, and I tried making my own boundaries and stopped telling them much of anything. I tried to give them space if that is what they needed, but the way they reacted varied every time. One of my bosses in particular reverted back to shaking me (which I already told them freaked me out, even though it could technically work). He doesn’t understand the gestures I make when I’m non-verbal. He just keeps asking over and over if I can hear him. My other boss would be standing next to him and wouldn’t even tell him I was trying to say I could hear him, I just needed a minute. The other students were great about it (my bosses told a few of them about my symptoms without my permission, so they know what they look like). They would just say “hey you need to ground” and I would, and I was fine.

My bosses never really seemed to have a problem with my dissociating before though, they always seemed to look for ways to help or tell me to go deal/walk it off/leave. A lot of their previous actions may have been misguided (and in some cases in my opinion unfair) but they were doing their best in a hard situation and I understood that. Until they decided one day they were done and completely shut me out. I am ok with a lot of crap, I put up with a lot, especially when I know the other person has good intentions. But they didn’t treat me like a person, they treated me like a thing to be dealt with. I know this may not be fair, but to me it felt like they had decided to call security before I even walked into the room (considering they haddn’t even mentioned campus safety to me in 9 months and all of a sudden they are calling). It doesn’t feel like I got a chance. They didn’t talk to me. They didn’t tell me that the rules had changed, that I was no longer allowed to just leave if something happened.

I want to know what happened, I wanted to understand their perspective. I tried to email them a few days later. I told them how that felt from my perspective. What isn’t working for me. What needed to change for me (mostly for them to back off from my brain stuff, it is my responsibility and they needed to trust me to do it on my own). I made it clear that I wasn’t blaming them, I was just seeking an understanding (I had a co-worker proof read it and she said it had a professional/not attacking tone). I’ve been trying to see it from their perspective, if this had happened a year ago it would have made way more sense. But, they have completely shut me out. I spent my whole life at this job, I dropped everything to be there, and they know that. I’m reliable and a good worker (they have said as much themselves).

It doesn’t look like I will get an explanation or conversation. My dean said they refused and she just let that be and dropped it. Honestly, I don’t know how I can have a conversation anymore if it were possible. All I wanted was to be heard, but I don’t know how to not be angry at them for the way they handled the whole thing. They made boundaries that they didn’t keep to, I tried making my own boundaries and they ignored them. I kept trying to talk to them and I was brushed off. I was trying to make it easier for them, I was aiming for some consistency/general expectations. They didn’t have a problem letting me work on something if another student told them to, but if I asked for it, it was ignored. Honestly, I don’t know how to hear their side at this point. I know that isn’t fair and is a cop out, but I kept trying to give them chances and they havn’t given me one. I tried making excuses for them, I tried making outs for them, I tried being in denial, I tried everything I could think of to make it easier for them. But I was shut down. I shouldn’t have to fight this hard to just be heard. None of my coworkers can understand it. They see me as fully capable (and they work with me a lot more than my bosses), my bosses are very comunicative with them, my bosses are very receptive to what they want. On the one hand, I would do anything for my job back, it is a huge part of my life. On the other, I just want to scream at them for how carelessly they have thrown be off a cliff (which I would never do, it just makes me feel a little better in my head).

@joeylittle woops I got derailed and forgot to clarify (to the best I can) the incident with campus safety. I walked through the room where a couple of them were chatting to put a tool away in the next room. I was on edge already from therapy and everything was still tossing itself around in my head, so when they didn’t acknowledge me, everything got amplified. I got frustrated (I’m starting to learn how to deal with frustration/anger) which maifested in heavy breathing/hyperventalating. It took a minute (I think?) for anyone to say anything (mostly because I didn’t leave the room I guess) and one of my bosses asked if I could hear him and said he would give me a minute. I keep grounding stuff in my bag, but I dropped it when I went to put it down and I jumped—that’s when he said he was calling. That’s when I freaked out and screamed no (pretty loudly) and said something to the effect of I’m doing my best to ground and you’re not letting me and I ran home (without my bag). Then campus safety showed up at my door (no idea how much time passed) and even though I had calmed down at this point, they were convinced I was a danger to myself and wouldn’t leave for almost 2 hours.

 

[Justmehere]

I actually don't know of any job out there that isn't also a learning experience, on or off a college campus. A job being a learning experience doesn't actually change the situation one bit.

This is a college job, they have never been concerned about "wasting wages" they employ many people who are not competent, period, but the point is to be a learning environment.

What you seem to take a campus job to be is a place to learning to manage mental health symptoms. The staff at that job are not trained to help you learn in this context.

You have been given great advice on this thread. You are still really focused on all the "but..." and "however..." and the injustice that you believe has occurred.

The bottom line is this:

Right or wrong, the Dean has been clear: The workplace is not interested in speaking to you anymore. They didn't even want to tell you themselves you could not return but instead had the dean make it clear. They are not responding now, and are unwilling to have you back.

Fair or not, that's where things are at now.

It's got to be really painful to face such a wall of silence. Here's the thing: you are not the first or the last who had things fall apart with an employer, and it's not the end of your working life.

Things can get better, just not with them. It happens. Not every job is the right fit for every person. At the end of the day, it's really clear that this isn't the right workplace for you.

You can keep trying to fight it, but not every real or perceived injustice in life is worth the fight. Sometimes, trying to get a situation to change will cost you more than you can ever possibly gain. You keep trying to change this situation, and it just keeps getting worse.

If you want to keep trying to get them to take other action, the other option you have at this point is to file a discrimination grievance. I'd strongly suggest seeking legal advice before doing this, and I think it's unlikely that claiming discrimination will lead to outcomes favorable to you. They will make a VERY BIG DEAL out of your mistakes. Fair or not, they will run with those mistakes to defend themselves against any claim that they are engaged in discrimination. This will surely add considerable stress to your life, and your stress levels are already maxed.

There are more effective options to moving forward and finding the support and employment you need than trying to change what is unlikely to change.

I'd suggest getting a different job on or off campus, and working with your therapist on how to manage your symptoms so that the staff at the place of employment doesn't feel the need to intervene. I'd strongly suggest a DBT skills group to help build up emotion regulation skills as well as interpersonal skills. You'll begin to see a real difference in how people relate to you and begin to build your confidence of what a healthy workplace can be. Maybe you'll even get great promotions quicker in a better workplace. Once you are settled into a new job and new dynamics, you'll also likely begin to be much less upset about this situation.

In college, it can feel like everything will have a permanent impact and will last forever. In reality? One bad college job experience won't much matter that much 5 years down the road. Many college students do have one or two bad job experiences on their way to finding employment that does fit for them. This was an especially bad experience, but it can be overcome.

You are very focused on the end of this one job opportunity that was never going to last long term anyhow. Look past this. Look to a much bigger picture. You have an open door to now find something that is better. You have a great opportunity to learn more, and try out new working environments and find one that is the right fit for you, and to work with your therapist to gain new tools to manage symptoms.

It's really up to you to weigh out what actions you can take that will be most effective towards reaching your goals. Fight them? Or grieve the loss, learn from what happened, and move forward to other opportunities?

 

[joeylittle]

Thanks, @LoveTea - all that clarity is helpful.

You might not want to hear this - but if you want to understand their side, I hope you’ll read what I’m writing.

I am upset because not only did they say they would give me a minute and didn’t

But they were in the middle of giving you a minute:

...one of my bosses asked if I could hear him and said he would give me a minute.

When you escalated:

keep grounding stuff in my bag, but I dropped it when I went to put it down and I jumped—that’s when he said he was calling.

The jump was in the middle of a hyperventilation episode, which for the outside observer is a pretty big medical event. You are underestimating what a big deal that was to begin with.

That’s when I freaked out and screamed no (pretty loudly) and said something to the effect of I’m doing my best to ground and you’re not letting me and I ran home (without my bag)

I would have sent campus safety after you. Anyone would have. You were out of control, to the outside eye.

Hyperventilating looks like a crisis. The sudden jump looks like you’re not going to be able to get yourself together. The scream is excessively dramatic. All three things together tell the story of you acting out for attention, and being in a state of desperation with no awareness of your surroundings. Running out leaving your bag is part of that.

I don’t have a history of harming myself and my symptoms don’t mean that I will

That behavior, that day - that looks like danger to self or others. There is no way they could trust you to keep yourself safe.

I know you believe they broke an agreement. But they didn’t. You created a crisis and they reacted appropriately. You are a college student with admitted mental health issues, and that puts you in a high-risk category.

Other things:

I space out (so I had non-verbal ways of communicating instead

What were these?

You seem to think they were clear, but you also seem to know they weren’t:

One of my bosses in particular reverted back to shaking me (which I already told them freaked me out, even though it could technically work). He doesn’t understand the gestures I make when I’m non-verbal.

If he doesn’t understand your gestures, then they aren’t working as communication. Shaking you is not appropriate at all. Since you are saying boss, I’m assuming adult not fellow student - that an adult thought you were at that level of dissociation that you needed to be snapped out of it...I’m assuming when he was asking if you could hear him, you were not signaling yes - how would he know you weren’t having a neurological event like a mini-stroke?

Your gestures when non-verbal solution also sounds for an outside observer like you are having a medical event that is confusing and worrying for them. And clearly the gestures didn’t work for one of your bosses. That tells me that they may have been trying very hard to tolerate you in those episodes, but they were stressed and NOT ok with what you were doing.

My bosses never really seemed to have a problem with my dissociating before though, they always seemed to look for ways to help or tell me to go deal/walk it off/leave

They were being stressed by all of it. You didn’t see it, is all. They were trying, but their only options were to help you or tell you to leave. Those aren’t accceptable options.

The fact that they tried to work with you as long as they did means they were building up stress and exhaustion. There was going to be a point where they snapped.

You say it got better but you were still dissociating 1/3 of the shifts. For them, that’s not getting better. For them, every episode adds to the pile of past episodes.

The paniking never turned into a panic attack infront of people, but it could be pretty upsetting and my boss would come give me a hug and let me cry it out

Pretty upsetting, I’m guessing, looked pretty bad. You’re minimizing by saying it never turned into panic attack. But if your boss had to hold you while you cried...again, that’s extreme for a boss to a student in a work study situation. Doesn’t matter if it was willing. I don’t doubt it was. It’s also incredibly stressful.

she knew camous safety was super last resort

She should never have indicated this because it puts her in a terrible position. She’s supposed to gauge when a last resort is needed? Do you understand why this does not work?

If she guesses wrong, and you get hurt or suicide, she was the one who knew you were in trouble and didn’t do the right thing.

. I asked to talk to my bosses many times, and they were unresponsive in person,

What would you say, and what would they say? Look back on it and try to understand what made them respond how they did.

But they didn’t treat me like a person, they treated me like a thing to be dealt with

Im sorry, but you created a situation where you became a thing to be dealt with. Your problems were too much.

I’ve been trying to see it from their perspective, if this had happened a year ago it would have made way more sense.

Again - remember the build-up of operating under the stress of handling you. It makes sense that when your coping/symptoms got a little better but you still needed intervention at work...that indicated that it was never going to really get better. They had to do the responsible thing, which was to tell you that you were done.

I’m reliable and a good worker (they have said as much themselves).

I do not understand how this could possibly be true.

You were reliable and a good worker when you could get through a shift without melting down. That is the truth here. You were unreliable and not a good worker when you could not get through a shift without a loss of functionality. 1/3 of the time you could not do your job.

I’m being very direct with you and I understand that it is a lot. But if you want to avoid any situation like this in the future, you need to look at how extremely dysfunctional the entire situation was. Nothing about it was working.

The disservice they did to you was in not stopping it sooner. They should not have tolerated, tried to ‘help’, agreed to your terms about how to deal with you. Your terms were unreasonable.

No-one in your professional life or student life should ever have the responsibility to support your illness. Accommodations are not about support. They are only about providing the necessary space for the disabled person to use their own supports.

You used them. You started using your own too late, and your own weren’t sufficient. I know this is hard to take in, but it’s what happened.

 

[EveHarrington]

I hope you can grow to accurately see your ptsd symptoms....to me it sounds like you minimize them as being normal.

The story becomes clearer as you continue to reply.

You had an episode because you were ignored, you screamed, dropped your bag, and then ran out without it.

This is SCARY to other people.

Forget your past symptoms. Forget any kind of agreement they had with you to allow you to manage your symptoms. Based on this behavior alone, they were well within their rights to call campus safety. Your co-workers aren’t mind readers who should have known that you weren’t going to harm yourself. Their concern was in keeping you alive. Again, their concern was in keeping you alive!!!!!!! Maybe it would help you to see things from this point of view? Maybe you should be thankful that people actually cared enough about your well being to call in help when they were concerned about you? Yeah, I know that it sucks getting this kind of response, but again, these people cared about your well being! They were not trying to hurt you. Maybe it would help to try and flip your thinking from victim mode to wow, these people cared about me mode.

 

[LoveTea]

@Justmehere just to try and clarify, I have no intention file a discrimination complaint, that is just what I have been advised by others/my therapist to do. Beyond merrits or anything it’s just too stressful and absolutely nothing good would come out of it.

It is not just the job impact I am worried about. This is what I have to remember college by. This school is drenched in nostalgia and traditions. I only have one semester left, it’s too late to re-establish anything here. That job was my whole life. That job was the only thing here I enjoyed, those were the only people I have ever felt comfortable around. That took me years, and the next time will only be harder now. I get very little say/control/choices about anything in my life and this is one more major thing to reiterate that in my head.

Now I can hardly go a few hours without breaking down. I will not be able to work in at this type of job again, that just isn’t an option anywhere else (I wasn’t going to be able to do it after college anyway). This type of job has been a major coping mechanism for almost the entire time I have had PTSD. I guess I was just depending on getting a clean break from it on my terms when I left. I can’t function enough to work for a while at least, I would only get fired. But money is the only thing that keeps me safe. It’s the only way to get space from my family, but I can’t even afford therapy for much longer.

@joeylittle I really don’t think my boss was worried I was having a physical medical problem. I would be responsive in the sense that I would clap my hands or other little things, I think the shaking came more from a need to feel like he was doing something. I say I’m reliable in the sense that I always show up on time, and when they say I need to get something done, I always do, no matter what kind of day I was having. They said they understood I was at my best when I was working—their actions seem to contradict this. The days my symptoms were problematic were when I wasn’t doing something, watching them have long conversations with others, or sometimes they wouldn’t have something for me to do and they would litterally put me in a corner or back room and just have me sit there (this wasn’t because my symptoms were displaying themselves, but when others have nothing to do, they find something, which isn’t the case for me). I would offer to organize/fix various things and they’d basically say maybe later. I know everything is entwined and everything, it just doesn’t make sense to me because I don’t know anyone who would react well to being separated out alone with nothing to do for hours on end. They only saw my symptoms in the first place when they did this and they kept repeating it, and my coworkers and I don’t understand why it has ever happened in the first place.

When I asked to talk to them, I’d say something to the effect of the way things are going for me aren’t working is there a good time to talk about it and figure it out. They’d say sure, but never actually set a time. I hung out in the building all the time (theres a lobby where a lot of us to school work) I’m always around and they knew my schedule, but they never followed up and when I tried to I’d get a similar response. Other students would ask to talk, but they normally would drop everything at that moment, but I inquired in person, in email, and over text, over a dozen times untilI just gave up.

@EveHarrington I want to believe they did it because they cared, but I just don’t know how. It was extremely traumatizing for me and they knew it would be. And every action they have done since does not reflect that attitude. Everything they have done since then has made it harder for me. Justified or not, that is my reality. I only wanted to be heard and they shut me out.

I don’t know how to suck it up and move on because every day the wound is re-opened. This will be the case for the next 8 months. They may have forced space upon the situation, but I don’t have that luxury. I live next door, I see it every day, I have to walk by it multiple times a day. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t work there. My best friend basically doesn’t believe the situation is true and that I’m the one creating their silence in my head. Yes I know change, how I balence my life in the future, but this is where I am now. I am not in a position to establish any sort of healthy relationships or job. I can barely hold together the marginal daily things I have to do already. I can’t even be in public for more than a few hours at a time right now. Yeah, I need some freaking closure, I get it. But I don’t know how to do that. They aren’t going to help me get that, and I don’t know how to get it for myself because this affects nearly every aspect of my life.

Everyone in a position to help me keep saying they will help, but when I ask they basically say ‘I don’t know, good luck, but come back for help!’. They pressure me to say more than I am comfortable saying and lead me along with false hope. For the most part they don’t even tell me where I can get help.

 

[EveHarrington]

This is how the real world works.

People are not mind readers.

People want to help!

But, you have to tell them just how they can help you.

Otherwise, it’s just a situation where they are playing a guessing game as to what will help you. Does this seem fair? The chances of them guessing what will help you are slim to none.

I think people here are trying to get you to see the reality of your situation but you revert back to blaming everyone else at your school and not taking responsibility for your role in things.

This is reflected in you saying it was extremely traumatizing for you, and they knew it would be. You’re essentially blaming them, saying you were traumatized and it’s their fault. But is it? I think it would be better to say that having campus security called on you was very upsetting, but it was done out of concern for you based on your behavior.

 

[LoveTea]

@EveHarrington I don’t expect anyone to be mind readers. I know my symptoms are confusing. I kept trying to talk to them. Before all this, I tried over and over to talk to them and they blew me off. I could only get them to respond to me over email, which didn’t fully clarify anything on both ends. They said they were willing to talk, but everytime I tried to initiate it nothing happened. With other students they have no trouble sitting down and talking about what is/isn’t working about the job on a regular basis. In a year and a half, I havn’t gotten one conversation about my job conversation or my symptoms. This semester, they didn’t even respond to emails. The only way I could seem to get any message accross was through my coworkers (even with the shaking last year they didn’t listen to me they listened to a mutual friend). When it came down to just the work, they didn’t even warn me that I was going to be getting less work (and they know I’m extremely financially dependent on this job). I just had to figure it out because other people were telling me about times they got to work extra things and I wasn’t told.

I don’t want to blame them. I just don’t understand what else I could do. I tried so many times to communicate with them. I was trying to make it easier for them. I was trying to tell them that this is my problem to deal with. They only communicated with me during my symptoms though. I hated that, I wanted anything but that. When I was able, I would tell them to back off and they would question that and normally wouldn’t. The way they handled it was basically feeding my symptoms. That isn’t their fault. I know they were trying to help. Over email, my bosses seemed to understand that and said they would back off and didn’t. I told them it wasn’t helping and they kept interferring anyway.

I did my best to communicate and I just feel like I kept hitting walls. One thing would be said and another would be done. It just seems like they couldn’t trust me to do it without them. But they aren’t the professionals. They aren’t the ones dealing with this on a daily basis, that is me, that is my responsibility. I just don’t know what else to do. I was being told they would be happy to listen to me, but that didn’t seem to be true.

I do partially blame them for how they handled the situation and the aftermath. They had other options. They could have called the health center, where they are much more equiped to handle/asess me and isn’t nearly as traumatic. That option could have at least been explored first. It would have been a lot less stressful for both of us. Campus safety isn’t really trained to handle someone like me and my bosses know that, which is why they have sent me to the health center in the past. So, fine, it happened. That can’t be changed. But following that, I tried to reach out and they completely shut me out. They wouldn’t even give my dean a reason. They wouldn’t agree to a mediated discussion. They turned it into sides, and I never wanted that. It shouldn’t have to be about winning and losing. They don’t want to deal with it, fine, then let me work with the another department member would be happy to have me (completely separate from them), but I can’t without their permission since they do the timesheets.

At the very least I need them to say they just can’t deal with it right now. Say for sure that I have a chance or not. But they’ve left me hanging. They are the only ones who can clarify so many parts of the situation, everyone keeps speculating, and I wanted to hear their side but I don’t know if I can anymore. I wish I could listen to them, but they seem to have made everything as hard as possible for me. I know that is overblown and I know they aren’t actively trying to make it harder on me. But every decision they’ve made has made things harder. And once again the boundaries aren’t clear. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to go to events they are involved in, or back into the building for other things.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m only going to respond to your first statement as I think you’re stuck in mind loops right now.

Yes, it does appear that you are expecting people to read your mind. You were in a great amount of distress and expected them to know that you weren’t going to hurt yourself.

Throw away mind reading.

They reacted based on your behavior in that moment.

Your defense is akin to someone saying I never killed myself before so they should know I’m not going to kill myself now.

People just SNAP sometimes. I had this happen to a friend. He was fine one minute, actively trying to kill himself the next. It’s incredibly ridiculous to expect people to not respond to your current state of distress and to only react based on past behavior.

Your co-workers were genuinely afraid on some level and that’s why they called security.

I really don’t think anyone can help you until you start to own your behavior and can acknowledge your own role in everything that happened.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh my! So much to say!

I don’t have a history of harming myself and my symptoms don’t mean that I will.

How would anyone know that?

They have not even mentioned campus safety to me in 9 months.

Meaning they tried to incorrectly manage you and your symptoms for 9 months but finally decided that was not their job. They are not therapists and called security as they were afraid for you and your safety.

My symptoms last year were very up and down. I wasn’t in therapy at the time, and I was getting frustrated by both my symptoms and other personal stuff which only compounded them. I would dissociate or panic (we discovered later that I had a tactile trigger in the office also had something to do with it so I started wearing gloves). Meaning I wouldn’t respond verbally and kinda space out (so I had non-verbal ways of communicating instead).

So you were using your job and your superiors as stand in therapist. Not the right thing for them or you to do and very inappropriate.

The paniking never turned into a panic attack infront of people, but it could be pretty upsetting and my boss would come give me a hug and let me cry it out. She would tell me that I was safe, I was strong, and she believed it would get better if I got into therapy. Afterwards, we’d both get back to work.

Oh my! Ok, even if my supervisor was a good friend and even if he would allow me to "cry on his shoulder" (which is SUPER inappropriate at work, you are at work and your boss is your boss, not your friend). Your boss is responsible for ensuring you and all other employees under them does their job correctly and efficiently. Out of work, sure, lets throw back some beer! At work, it's all business. That is wildly inappropriate and not only does it show a huge lack of boundries on both ends but it also shows your boss was doing the best they knew how to do at the time, became overwhelmed with your symptoms (since they are not your therapist), tried to help the best they could, and decided (finally) that you needed to leave. Which sounds like it was way overdue!

she knew camous safety was super last resort

How in the hell is she supposed to know what is the last resort? SHE...IS...NOT...A...THERAPIST!

at least once a shift, someone would always come running to help

So you demostrated everyday that you couldn't do your job. It took them WAY too long to fire you to be honest! My anxiety effected the way I spoke to customers and I was expected to fix it immediately. Not "I'll work on it." Not 9 months. Not putting me in the back. Immediately. Or, I would have been written up then fired. You must be able to do your job unobstructed by symptoms. Period. Accommodations only allow you to manage symptoms on your own SO THAT THEY DO NOT EFFECT YOUR JOB OR JOB PREFORMANCE!

I still dissociate 1/3 shifts

So you demonstrated that you still could not do the job. They gave you less work but you still could not preform that 1 out of 3 shifts. You still could not do the job. I wonder why they fired you.

One of my bosses in particular reverted back to shaking me (which I already told them freaked me out, even though it could technically work). He doesn’t understand the gestures I make when I’m non-verbal. He just keeps asking over and over if I can hear him.

Inappropriate to touch you but if you are unresponsive, he had no idea what to do. I had a seizure at work and someone was sitting on my back. I woke up having no idea what happened & was screaming "get off of me" and was pushing up the hardest I could and they were saying "you are ok, the worst is over". They were trying to help the best they knew how to do.

Until they decided one day they were done and completely shut me out.

Justifiably and understandably. If I were them I would have been done way before then. It is a job. You demonstrated over and over that you couldn't do the job. 1 out of 3 shifts is being unable to do the job. You must be able to work 3 out of 3 shifts or take appropriate actions to. You demonstrated over and over you could not do the job. So they did what every boss in America would. They fired you. You are going to go nowhere if you don't start to take responsibility for your actions and keep turning everything around to being the victim.

But they didn’t treat me like a person, they treated me like a thing to be dealt with.

Which you caused.

I was no longer allowed to just leave if something happened.

They wanted you to do your job and not just be able to leave work whenever you wanted or deemed fit. Seems sensible to me.

I want to know what happened, I wanted to understand their perspective.

Hmmmm. Doesn't seem that way to me.

That’s when I freaked out and screamed no (pretty loudly) and said something to the effect of I’m doing my best to ground and you’re not letting me and I ran home (without my bag).

And you wonder why they called campus security?