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[apoxia_1997x]

At the moment I feel like I'm taking everything personally. Even comments to the posts on this website even though I know they're supposed to be helpful. Because people are explaining the reasoning to me behind these problems that I really failed to realise myself, making me feel irrational and therefore ashamed of it. And I also feel shame over being so sensitive in the first place as well. It's like the overall distress is so intense it gives me the mind of a child, in a bad way (not "goofy" or "playful" but more "primitive" "emotional" "dumb").
I have no choice but to cringe at my younger self all of the time, by "younger self" that could even mean the way I was a week ago or even a few days. Because I'm in a state of constant confusion, I'm constantly changing my mind about everything and coming to no solid conclusions and whenever I seem to have formed an opinion about something I cringe at whatever opinion I seemed to have had prior. Imagining funny scenarios is kind of a distraction, but these days I am reluctant to write it down because I just know with certainty from experience I will cringe at it in the future.
The overall self-deprecation and shame kinda feelings aren't the only negative feelings I have to put up with daily, I am also subject to a feeling of overall dread and apprehension about the future ranging from I might end up homeless and if I do it's all my fault I am such a disgusting reckless impulsive short-sighted individual that fails to realise or care about the consequences of their actions to uncertainty about the afterlife it could indeed be as unpleasant as how my extremely distressing nightmares portray it or maybe the nightmares about death are just the result of anxiety or something. I do not know.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I have struggled being too sensitive too. It is almost like I look for a reason to be offended. I figure in 90% of my problems I have had a hand in creating them. If I notice I keep getting into the same sort of problem, I look for the common element and it is me. For me, life is much better if I just try to stay out of the way by not creating problems in areas I know I have problems. It is slow going making changes within ourselves but it is doable. Just try to pause and think about what is going on inside. If someone says something that angers you back up a bit. Usually the anger is a secondary emotion that is triggered by an emotional hurt. Our brains go so fast we don’t even notice the hurt and just react with anger.

 

[Sideways]

The shame can be a monstrous thing to battle.

If you’re finding it difficult to receive contributions from members, it can be helpful to give a heads up in your post if there’s specific types of responses that will or won’t be helpful.

For example, members sometimes specify things like:
“I’m venting - please don’t offer solutions” or
“I’m only looking for responses from people who struggle with this too”.

Staff here are happy to ensure that responses align with directions from an OP about what type of responses are unwelcome.

For me, I do direct people in my Trauma Diary when I’m not in the space to receive compliments or even overt kindness. Sometimes these things are fine, but at other times, I don’t cope with them at all well and no matter how considerately phrased, they trigger overwhelming shame and, in turn, very dysfunctional behaviours.

Folk around here get that, often have first-hand experience of it. With a history of trauma on board, it can sometimes be a foreign concept expressing our needs, and even more so having them respected - maybe this is a place you could experiment with that?