Upcoming Surgery - Extreme Anxiety

[ptsdkate]

Possibly TMI here - sorry in advance. If you get squeamish, don't read on.

Background: I was fairly recently diagnosed with PTSD stemming from an incident of childhood sexual trauma, followed by a separate sexual assault in early adulthood. I spent a lot of years learning to cope with what happened, and had learned to handle things. Recently my PTSD was retriggered by an incident where my very young son was nearly victimized.

The second assault happened while I was under the influence of alcohol, although I did repeatedly beg him to stop. The feeling of helplessness to stop what was happening to me was made worse by flashbacks from the childhood assault./End Background

I recently had to visit my ob/gyn for an exam, and it triggered a very bad flashback, where I spent a long time curled into a fetal position, sobbing and shaking, while my poor doctor looked on helplessly. (He's aware of my PTSD.) Unfortunately, the exam indicated the need for an extremely unpleasant and rather invasive pelvic procedure, and it was quite traumatic - it triggered another flashback.

The upshot of this procedure was a recommendation for a surgery (they access the uterus vaginally, unfortunately - I think I'd rather have intraabdominal surgery than that!). This surgery is done under anesthesia, so I ought to feel fairly comfortable, right?

WRONG!

I'm terrified. The idea of being under anesthesia, unable to defend myself while people are rummaging around my nethers, has me really struggling with anxiety attacks. I have to go in for the surgery early next week. How can I keep calm and allow them to do what needs to be done?

(Again, sorry for the TMI aspects of this post - it was relevant to the topic.)

 

[dharmaBum]

Have you been under anesthesia before? I had it for a long wisdom tooth extraction. I thought it would be terrible, but the anesthesiologist was so calm and friendly, and the process completely sedating that it was literally over before I knew it. Also, they gave me a quick acting sedative while the general anesthesia settled in. My husband (strong, loving attachment) was there with me the whole time, holding my hand.

Can you visit the surgery room or talk to the anesthesiologist as soon as possible about your concerns? If you consider PTSD to be debilitating, hopefully you or someone familiar with your situation can advocate for reasonable accommodations.

 

[gdf]

If it is not a life threatening issue perhaps you can postpone it until you have had enough time to process things with your therapist? I make the assumption that you have a therapist; I apologize if that is wrong. Not knowing all the circumstances, it is hard to respond in what might seem a meaningful way.

 

[ptsdkate]

I have discussed it with my therapist, and intellectually, I know that the surgery is necessary, and really should not be delayed much longer. I'll be fine once I'm on the other side of it. I am aware that these are medical professionals, that I'm safe, that they will be careful and respectful with me. They know I have PTSD, and my doctor has been very careful to make sure I feel secure and respected, and in control (as much as I can be, of course).

My issue is simply that, no matter how calmly and rationally I discuss it ahead of time, I can't shake the fear of being helpless. The fact that the surgery is pelvic doesn't help that feeling. My therapist has been great, but of course, won't be there as I'm being prepped for surgery and going under anesthesia. The terrified little girl inside of me has a habit of rearing her head at times like this. I dread that feeling of helpless terror.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Kate,

I really feel for you. I can't even bear the thought of a smear test, let alone go through with one, so I totally understand your fear.

Do you have someone who can help to keep you calm in the anasthetic room? If so, I'm sure this will be a great help to you. Otherwise it will be a case of doing whatever you may already do to keep yourself calm when you are feeling anxious, such as deep breathing, slow counting, imagining your peaceful place. Whatever works for you. If it's any consolation, the whole procedure that you are aware of should be very quick. I've been in theatres in the UK as part of my training. The worst part will no doubtedly be your time kept waiting before the surgery. Ask your anaethetist and Doctors to talk you through exactly what will happen, so you know what to expect at each stage.

If you are having a general anasthetic, you will probably be given a premed whilst you are on the ward, which should take the edge off your anxiety. You will then be taken to the anasthetic room, where someone should be allowed to stay with you and you will be anaethetised. This is a really quick procedure, which you will likely not remember when you wake up. Seriously quick because they should have all the drugs ready. In my experience a patient would be wheeled in, introduced, welcomed and told to count back from 10. Few would get past 7!

As you have said, you know that you need this procedure and you 'know' that you will be safe. You just have to keep this at the forefront of your mind. Unfortunately this is a case of "feel the fear, and do it anyway". I doubt there is anything any of us can say that will stop that little girl feeling helpless. But, you have to remember now, that you are an adult and you are safe.

If I could come and hold your hand I would, because I totally feel for you, and how hard this must be. Stay positive and strong. You can do this,

Regards,
CB

 

[ptsdkate]

If I could come and hold your hand I would, because I totally feel for you, and how hard this must be. Stay positive and strong. You can do this,

Thanks, cherryblossom. I really appreciate it. I wish you could come, too! :)

I had the wildest dreams last night, interspersed with a lot of wakeful hours. I only slept about 3 hours total. Oh well, at this time tomorrow, it'll be over and done. You're right - I can do this. I will do this, because I know it's the right thing. And hopefully, I can breathe and anchor myself through any flashbacks that may come my way. I'll post in a day or two, and let you guys know how it went. Thanks again, so much, for the support. It means a lot.

Kate

 

[ptsdkate]

Surgery went fine - everyone was very kind and careful of my feelings. Tranquilizers are a wonderful thing!

Thanks again for the support.

Kate

 

[gdf]

Glad it went well. Sounds like you were able to express your needs and get what you needed to make it through.