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UPDATED : What am I doing wrong? Any success stories with humanistic, person centred psychotherapy?

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I have just been confused as to wether to keep her as friend or therapist, I wasn’t given a choice which, we’ve always tried to be both. Until recently she realised the extent of my symptoms and said we need to focus on the therapy side but then added me on Facebook and then blocked me, when she could of just restricted me, because my posts on mental health were too much for her.
 
But yeah, I believe she should have known better, she’s even a supervisor to other therapists! I bet she doesn’t share with them how she’s conducted things with me!

Also, I see what I’ve done in this. I actually developed a super strong dependency and viewed her as superwoman/saviour/‘mum’/therapist/friend/only person in the world who won’t hate me. So, yeah, much to work on with all of that, and I’m devastated as I thought it started of as my first ever healthy attachment to someone and I feel so much guilt and shame. Probably why I instantly reacted badly to your opinion of the situation, and felt attacked, because of my negative self view.

I’ll get there one day.
Wherever there is.
 
You were afraid of losing her as a friend, if you wanted to discontinue therapy in order to keep her as a friend. (Your OP)

I, pretty much, blasted her for her blurring of boundaries & lack of professional ethics, instead of referring you in the first place. It shows, at best she’s inexperienced & at worst a whole lotta other things.

But? She DID in fact cut you off from therapeutic resource to purely keep you as a friend, once you made known that was your wish.

That’s the freedom of choice.

You wanted her more, as a friend, than a therapist.

So then she acted accordingly.

And you lost your shit.

Clearly, wanting both.

And then devolving to the idea that “only” she can help you. On a planet of 8 billion people. And then pragmatism asserts itself, and worries about not being able to afford anyone in private practice. And “needing” her, specifically.

Fear & Blurred Boundaries ≠ No Choice

You’re making choices, the best way you can, which isn’t wrong.

The hard thing there is that blurred boundaries that “feel” right. Like she “should” fulfill both professional & personal roles… instead of firing you as an employee and blocking you as a friend, IF what you want is to be a client. Or like she “should” keep you as both an employee and friend AND conduct therapy with you. When there is nooooooo way in hell that’s ethical for her, or good for you.

She can fulfill 1:3 roles in your life.

Employer
Friend
Therapist

She let you choose which.

You chose… probably not fully understanding that choice, and have been hurt/insulted by the blowback. Of both of your choices.

I am still very confused as to how i was given any choice or how you feel she ‘abided by my wishes’ please explain and help me understand what you’re meaning

She was never my employer/boss
I was self employed with my own pet care business so it’s the same as her paying for any other service, like a cleaner or a handy man/person, and we became friends prior to starting working professionally through both or our love for dogs, and in particular her dogs.

I was worried about losing her as a friend if I told her I was struggling with the therapy.
And now I’m losing her as both because of the level of dependency that has been co-created.

None of this adds up to what your strong views expressed and this is still bothering me.
I would appreciate any clarification so I can move past it.
 
I have no idea what’s happening anymore. I’m just unimportant and invisible wherever I go.
 
So that is a cognitive distortion.
What can you give that message as a counter message?
I’m not sure, the uncertainty of what’s happening next is making me feel anxious and I feel like I don’t matter, but maybe I do. Just not to the one person I want to matter to. Feeling very hurt.
 
None of this adds up to what your strong views expressed and this is still bothering me.
I would appreciate any clarification so I can move past it.
I don’t feel strongly about anything I’ve written. It simply seems obvious to me from what you’ve written. Water? Wet? Yes.

That doesn’t mean I’m correct.

I simply see choices where you don’t, and cause/effect where you don’t.

So I’m not sure how I can be any clearer.

What I’m reading is that you’re seeing fear and blurred boundaries as meaning you had no choice, much less choices; nor how those choices were or are effecting your outcome. That doesn’t parse for me. Nor, clearly, does what I see parse for you.
 
Am I a problem for people here?
What is making you think that? This sounds like something you think a lot? If someone says you're not a problem (which of course you're not), do you believe it or does it give a bit of temporary relief and then you need to know again, and then again, and then again?

I do that with my T. I need reassurance that she isn't annoyed with me. She never is. It's me being me, and mainly me being highly insecure in my attachment, but also me sometimes being in the drama triangle (me being victim and wanting her to rescue). But when she reassures me , it helps in the moment but doesn't address the underlying insecurity.
 
What is making you think that? This sounds like something you think a lot? If someone says you're not a problem (which of course you're not), do you believe it or does it give a bit of temporary relief and then you need to know again, and then again, and then again?

I do that with my T. I need reassurance that she isn't annoyed with me. She never is. It's me being me, and mainly me being highly insecure in my attachment, but also me sometimes being in the drama triangle (me being victim and wanting her to rescue). But when she reassures me , it helps in the moment but doesn't address the underlying insecurity.
Yes this is exactly what happens for me!!
How do you manage it?
 
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