You were afraid of losing her as a friend, if you wanted to discontinue therapy in order to keep her as a friend. (Your OP)
I, pretty much, blasted her for her blurring of boundaries & lack of professional ethics, instead of referring you in the first place. It shows, at best she’s inexperienced & at worst a whole lotta other things.
But? She DID in fact cut you off from therapeutic resource to purely keep you as a friend, once you made known that was your wish.
That’s the freedom of choice.
You wanted her more, as a friend, than a therapist.
So then she acted accordingly.
And you lost your shit.
Clearly, wanting both.
And then devolving to the idea that “only” she can help you. On a planet of 8 billion people. And then pragmatism asserts itself, and worries about not being able to afford anyone in private practice. And “needing” her, specifically.
Fear & Blurred Boundaries ≠ No Choice
You’re making choices, the best way you can, which isn’t wrong.
The hard thing there is that blurred boundaries that “feel” right. Like she “should” fulfill both professional & personal roles… instead of firing you as an employee and blocking you as a friend, IF what you want is to be a client. Or like she “should” keep you as both an employee and friend AND conduct therapy with you. When there is nooooooo way in hell that’s ethical for her, or good for you.
She can fulfill 1:3 roles in your life.
Employer
Friend
Therapist
She let you choose which.
You chose… probably not fully understanding that choice, and have been hurt/insulted by the blowback. Of both of your choices.
