Upset By Therapist

[barefoot]

Glad to hear that the two of you have been talking - albeit it on email - and that you've had a opportunity to voice your feelings. And also that you feel a bit better for it. If both of you are keen and committed to doing so, I do think you can build bridges over this. And, in fact, the incident - or rather, how you both communicate and work on the aftermath of it together - may actually strengthen aspects of the relationship.

Hope the next session goes well - I like that willingness you have to stir things up. Stir things up, see how they land....and then see what's there for both of you in your relationship. Because, upsetting though this undoubtedly has been for you, I think this may well move things on in some way.

 

[watundah]

You're quite a wise woman, barefoot!

 

[barefoot]

Ha! It's easy to be wise when it's about other people...! ;-)

 

[Marymickaela]

I didn't read all the responses to your post so apologize if someone has already said this. My feelings are since you've invested over 3 years with this therapist I wouldn't be so hasty to just throw it all down the drain. Has she helped you overall? Did you trust her before this email? I'd go to the next appointment with my agenda being her not remembering and telling her how disturbed and hurt you are. See how it goes and then make a decision. She may remember when you talk to her about it and refresh her memory. Maybe she misunderstood. You said i's only been brought up a few times. It's hard to find a good therapist and if she is good she will probably feel really bad. However, if you don't feel like you got a good enough explanation to reassure you and make you feel safe it may be time to move on and not invest any more time or energy on this person. Good luck and post how it goes.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Just wondering here, is this kind of insensitive response from your T a new thing or has it happened before?

 

[watundah]

New thing.
Update: after a few email exchanges about my being upset about my trauma being forgotten and a couple of gingerly stated apologies from her (no blatant, " geez I really screwed up"), I agreed to go in. She started off by thanking me for writing and for coming in and invited me to give voice to my feelings. Well the silent and avoidant Watundah (note: not my real name;)) didn't really want to sit there and call her an asshole so after about 3 minutes we moved on. Now what I wanted and needed was some reassurance from her that, yes, she is paying attention, isnt just a forgetful dork, etc. I left feeling more agitated! At the very least she should have ensured that everything was ok between us before I left. I wrote her that I was still upset with her and after a few more exchanges explained that the problem wasn't that I didn't get to say what I wanted to say, rather that I did not hear what I needed to hear. I spelled it all out very clearly indicating that this has made me take a step back in the trust department which is a long slow slog for me. I am waiting for her response. Sighhhh...Whertderferk?

And Yeah I wish I could spew this all out in person but I am having a hard time threading together complex thoughts when Im in there so email works well for me.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

It's good that you can email each other. Whatever works, at this point, is good. Having some physical distance can provide a sense of safety that sitting right in front of someone might not provide, especially when feeling hurt by that very person.

That said, I'm super proud of you for going, in person, to your therapist's office. Sitting in the same room with her, even if you couldn't voice your feelings and thoughts around your hurt, is a very positive and brave action that you did. You did a great thing. It was good that you followed up with a description of how you felt, and what you needed! Bravo! :tup::hug:

I'd encourage you to keep going back. You're going to have a good breakthrough as you do so. I'd stay respectful, when you can do so - calling her an asshole, or a dork, would be abusive, but sharing your hurt, disappointment, and asking for what you need is very therapeutic and healing.

 

[Ocean5]

I wish I could spew this all out in person but I am having a hard time threading together complex thoughts when Im in there so email works well for me.

I'm same way. I started the day before I'd go in I'd type updates and issues to discuss. Then read them to her when she started by asking for update... worked for me, but I think frustrated her with so much information at once, and/or her dominant personality (would have emailed ahead of time, but she would have charged extra for that.)

I also did that so I was far less likely to dissociate... I could just read from paper. So much easier, and I wouldn't forget to mentioned important things (blocked out.)

Proud of you for going back. You are a strong person :)

 

[watundah]

Thanks. I am not sure that I feel brave. More unsettled and unsatisfied but Im letting go of this wrinkle so we can move on. Her responses aren't as heartfelt as I would hope them to be, but I guess that is just the way she is.