Vacations/sickness/weather= constant cancellation

[Punky143]

Ok so let me try and explain. I have a multitude of dx but having borderline and DID sucks. I think I'm in trauma therapy twice weekly. That's the key word- twice. Getting through daily until the next appt sometimes feels excruciatingly slow. That's pre holiday and winter. Now that winter has arrived, tis the season for constant cancellations on my T end. She takes off all school vacations and a week or two in the summer. If thats not enough, her kids are constantly sick and absent from school a lot and on snow days, its her who stays home.
How, am I supposed to do trauma therapy when I see her once a week if that? It's like bowling. The ball gets momentum as it travels down the lane. That's how I feel. I can give it my all and think I'm getting somewhere but then- halted by cancelled appts. Once that happens, my younger parts go nuts and my older parts just want to quit. The emotions can be unbearable for days. The worst part? Not being able to talk to anyone about it without sounding nuts. It's a miserable feeling but that doesn't describe it well. Am I nuts? I know why I'm like this- i have attachment issues and yes I'll live. But, I don't even go back till next Wednesday. Not even in the beginning of the week. It makes my younger parts so sad.

 

[Lamename01234]

How long have you been working with her?

 

[deeplyloved]

I only see my therapist once a week and don’t struggle with the same dx, but I can empathize with you on this. I count on and need that weekly appointment and I feel like I backslide when we miss it. It’s also something I find difficult to explain to my spouse and friends. They don’t understand what a big deal it is to miss therapy...even the ones that have their own therapists!

 

[Punky143]

10 years but it's been like this for the last 2 years roughly

 

[joeylittle]

The emotions can be unbearable for days.

This is something that DBT could really help you with. Have you thought about putting aside the trauma work for awhile, and instead putting time into skills training? I know that the cognitive work can be very frustrating, but the Borderline PD can be more managed than it sounds like it is now, and that will give you some relief. Or, if you feel like you've had enough training, what can you do to really be applying those skills, to help you manage during the times when you can't see her twice a week?

And, there is the option of going with a different therapist.

 

[Punky143]

I was in DBT, twice. Parts of me know them and apply them but other ones either don't understand them or refuse. That's the thing. I have a lot of parts swirling around. I don't want t, I like mine. But, this adds to everything else.
It's ok. I am told by others that we're meaningless and this is our punishment. Long story.

 

[watundah]

My ex T would cancel once or twice per month when I saw her weekly. She let me know in advance but, damn, she had a ton of long weekends. I let it go on way too long without saying something and I wondered how she could run a biz that way!

When I finally said something, her response was, "some people are ok w just occassional visits." Really? She should have been open about limited availability from the get go. Knowing what she knew about me, abandonment and trust issues, I told her I wasn't buying it, and things got dramatically better after that. The change and the effort to show up reliably impressed me so much, to be heard and have her try to meet my needs..

Point is, you need to tell her. I felt like you do, that we couldn't get traction with start and stop all of the time! And I was right, we along moved much better after that.

Change is possible.
Good luck to you.

 

[Sideways]

I was doing therapy for a few years with 3 Ts at the same time, which worked out to therapy 5 days a week. Holidays...sucked. I am now in therapy once a week, and it seems to be working for me, so hang in there, it won’t always be thus.

In the meantime? Holidays tend to come around too often, then there’s the conferences, illnesses, etc. You’re ahead knowing in advance that those periods are difficult. How to manage it so that it works for your specific issues? Is something you can improve.

My tip? May not be your bag. But I’d just jot point at the end of each day how you’ve coped (even just a suds rating of 1 to 10 for the day), and any significant issues that came up, feelings or thoughts that were problematic, triggers you noticed (like is it worse at night, etc), and anything that you noticed helping on that day (like, having a coffee with my friend today was a good distraction, I took extra valium and it was easier, etc).

With that arsenal of very accurate info to take back to your T, you can come up with a very specific plan tailored to what will work for you personally to make these periods more manageable. For me that was important because I didn’t want to spend 3 weeks recovering from every 2 week holiday period that I’d had to manage alone.

Going back to your T with nothing more than “I’m just not coping with these holiday gaps in our therapy” is enough to start to put together a plan for the next holidays. But the more accurate info you can give, the more tailored (and hopefully effective) the plan can be.