Relationship Veteran boyfriend w/ ptsd ended things

[Worried Girlfriend]

How did you start communication with him after you ended things?

Good morning Confused Girl.
Before the breakup we made plans like going to a wedding and a party together and I asked him to help me cook for a few people one weekend. He said he will still do those things he promised he'll do with me.
So, the weekend thing was just the week after the breakup. I was really nervous to face him, but all went well. We got along so well it's scary!! We talked a lot that weekend. That is when he told me that all this is not fair towards me. I just started sobbing (girl thing hey?) I felt so bad doing that, but I couldn't help myself. He said it made him feel bad as well. During the week prior I didn't contact him from my side. He contacted me just to confirm stuff about the weekend.

I invited him to a show I got tickets for and he said he would go with me, as he doesn't have anything to do anyway. I spent the night at his place because it is a far drive home and he doesn't like it if I drive alone late at night. Before I left the next morning I left a looooong letter on his bed. In that letter I opened up about my own life and how he was the person who healed my heart. I told him I want to be with him out of choice and because I like it to be with him. I told him that I am important to myself and that I think of myself as well and that is the reason why I want to be with him, because I feel good when I am with him. I told him I never had a guy who cooks for me, who touches my hair, who looks at me like he has never seen another woman before and tell me how sexy I am, who checks up on me during the day. I told him how happy that made me. We didn't discuss the letter really, he just told me that he did read it. After that he contacted my every single day to ask me how my day was.

Last night I sent him a text asking him if I can come and visit this weekend (as friends, no pressure) and he said that I am welcome. So I am going there tonight after work.

This is how I did it. If it is the right way or not, I wouldn't know. I'm not a person that follow relationship rules, I'm ruled by the heart.

So, wish me luck. Hehehehe

 

[ConfusedGrl]

Good morning Confused Girl.
Before the breakup we made plans like going to a wedding and a p...

Wow that’s so great for you! I’m trying to get to that but right now I’m getting mixed feelings from him. We text but only if I initiate it, I’m scared to reach out more. But I’m hoping that if I start slowly with establishing communication it’ll work out.
Like I stated he wants me in his life so starting communication with him is my goal right now.

 

[Worried Girlfriend]

Why don't you take the chance to write him a letter. In your own handwriting. And tell him how you feel and how he makes you feel, maybe boost him a little?

My weekend was awesome!! We talked a lot about our relationship. I didn't say much, I mostly listened and just said it's ok. Luckily we are still extremely good friends and I told him I REFUSE to give up on that friendship. If it does not develop into a relationship again, that's ok. But we will see what happens in the future.

I also didn't know how to handle the communication thing, that is why I decided to write the letter so that he can read it on his own time. It might not work for you, but it did for me.

 

[RRT13]

I am in the same boat as far as hoping we work things out. My combat vet ex broke up with me on Veteran's Day. We had only dated 2 months but it was amazing! Long Story short he moved back home 5 hours away and got back in college. So our breakup wasnt bad, he just couldnt handle the pressure at the moment of trying to do us, moce home and collrge.We have still kept in contact pretty frequently. Mostly non emotional stuff every day or few days. Before I had a better understanding of his PTSD, I would try to ignore him for a few days but then either of us would end up texting each other. I tried this no contact thing like 4 times for like 3 days at a time. The last was for a week almost 2 weeks ago. I feel like this was part of the push and pull and just kept patient. It killed me so of course i messaged him and we had fun catching up. When we do talk it's always positive and easy going. We never talked about us or anything relationship wise as I didn't want to pressure or push him away.
Since we started talking again almost daily last 2 weeks, I feel like we're slowly building more trust everyday. When we were together we had talks about a cruise together but never really planned it. We talked more about it last 2 weeks where last week i actually planned it in May and he's excited about going since he's never been. I'm so nervous he's gonna wuss out and not go, but that could just be my insecurities.
Over the weekend I even a got drunk text from him saying he misses me and wanted me to come see him right then lol. The last 2 weeks though he has opened up more with me about coming to visit and then kinda pushes away with less contact. We are so push and pull with each other. We kinda mirror what each other does. I dont know if he wants to work things out with us being so far a part but I would in a heart beat. So I totally understand where you're coming from! I just stay patient, positive and be a support system for him when he needs it.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

As I’m reading, my heart goes out to you all. The guy I was involved with is now in another city and state. He broke up with me before leaving right before Thanksgiving. I noticed the behavior change but it was too late for me to try and prevent him from slipping into darkness. I reached out to him yesterday because I was determined to have some type of contact, so I sent emails, texts to try and reach him; he eventually texted me. He said he needed a little more time and he wasn’t ready to speak to or see me. I told him that I understood and would be there when he was ready. I feel good about our brief contact; at least i know he’s alive and well. Words will never begin to express how deeply i feel for this man and who he is. This can’t be over because I made him a promise when times were good, and I have to stick by that because he’s worth it. I wish you all the very best with the people you’re supporting because remember, there’s a beautiful spirit there who happens to suffer with ptsd.

 

[krisss]

I'm somewhat in the same boat, any updates on your situation?