Video entry phone - ugh!

[Friday]

So...any thoughts on this...should I contact her before next session asking if there is a way around the entry phone? E.g. can I just text her mobile when I get there (I have her mobile number and texting her is fine with her - so it's just about whether she is ok with that being how I announce my arrival and get into the building)

Or do I just need to grow a pair and get over it?!

I think my main thinking here is that, at the moment, I am starting sessions with a heightened sense of anxiety, unease and discomfort, which isn't the easiest/most productive position to then spring board into the rest of the work from! So I think I want to prioritise calming (or, bette still, not having any) anxiety at the start so that I can be more present and open and focused.

Option C? Instead of suck it up or avoid... Get there 15 (or 50 if you can only call between clients) minutes early, do your freak out & calm down in the building before your session?

Has one of those double rewards dealios attached (you're calm & centered before your session AND you're motivated to work your anxiety out smoother and faster, so that you can stop coming early) that I've found really help with grounding out of panic/anxiety for practical living. Although you might find you like getting there early, as it gives you time to prepare, it would still be a gradual thing double win thing, where you're spending more time preparing for the session, and less time grounding yourself out from the phone-stressor. So the x2 reward is still there.

but I am surprised that she is ok with client faces being clearly vsisible on a little screen right in front of where other clients sit.

Post-It Note. (They make all sizes). Easily covers the screen. Doesn't damage it. Costs pennies.

 

[barefoot]

Option C? Instead of suck it up or avoid... Get there 15 (or 50 if you can only call between clients) minutes early, do your freak out & calm down in the building before your session?

I do generally get there 10-15 mins early because I like to do my little arrival rituals so that I feel ready and grounded (ha! Not lately!) and not rushed before I go in. A

I think part of the problem with this entry phone system is that I don't think I have really realised each time in the moment just how much anxiety I have been manifesting over this. And it's not until I reflected on it after last session, having whooshing off the anxiety scale for several hours, that it became clear to me that the entry phone is a big part of the issue of why I am sitting feeling so edgy when I get in there and that it is then building with every passing minute that I'm there.

Post-It Note.

I know...simple...right?!

 

[barefoot]

My therapist's online ears must have been burning! Or maybe @Friday just called her to suggest Post-its ;-)

She has just emailed me back saying that she's checked with the building owner and he/s said that she can't turn the the image off the entry phone so she will cover the screen with some card or a post-it throughout the day from now on. So, she has said that it will now be ok for me to just buzz as normal. I would still rather text her than have to buzz at all but I think I'm going to leave it as it is and buzz her next session (knowing the screen is covered) But I think I will still say that I'd like to talk this through when we meet next week. Because, even though she has now come up with a practical solution (which I imagine she has done because she thinks this is solely around confidentiality/privacy), I think it would still be useful for me to explore some of the things that came up for me around feeling exposed/the imbalance of power, which felt so excruciating even leaving the idea of client confidentiality aside.

 

[NightSky]

I think it's a good idea to still talk about it. Does the buzzing happen during the last 15 minutes of the previous client's session? And does someone buzz in some time during your last 15 minutes?

 

[barefoot]

@NightSky Yes, I usually get there about 10 mins early and buzz her then. So, if she has a client in with her then, their session will be interrupted by the sound of the phone buzzing and then by my therapist getting up and speaking to me before she lets me in.

And then her next client after me buzzes when he arrives, which is generally a few minutes before my session finishes. It isn't ideal but I think we are all used to the interruption as the same system has been in place in every building she has been in, though this is the first time she has had a video entry phone (so the first time we have actually seen a visual of the person buzzing in!)

The interruption is only very short - it's literally the time it takes for the client to say hello and for my therapist to say hi back and to ask them to take a seat for a few minutes. But it is still an interruption – if we're quite engrossed in something or if I'm feeling a bit raw it can be quite a shock to suddenly hear the blare of the phone! But she won't just spring up from her seat to get the phone if I'm in the middle of speaking or if it's quite a key, sensitive moment...she will wait until it feels more appropriate and then she'll ask if it's ok if she just quickly lets someone in - or often I will say "do you want to just get that?"

It's something I find quite awkward sometimes when I arrive and buzz her. There have been times when I have wanted to go in earlier than usual, as I want to just sit in the waiting room and do some emails or think about the session ahead or whatever but then I am also mindful that, if she has a client before me, they will not be expecting the phone to go halfway through the session, so I don't do that as I don't think it's fair on them. There have also been times when I have buzzed and my T hasn't answered so then I am in a dilemma of whether to buzz again – it could be that my T was in the loo/kitchen when I buzzed, so I should buzz again so that she hears me and knows I'm there. On the other hand, she may have a client with her who is in a state or in the middle of saying something important so my T is deliberately not getting up to answer, so if I were to buzz again, this would be harsh on the client.

So, no...not ideal! My T has breaks built in between some clients but not all, I don't think. Plus she isn't great at time-keeping anyway and tends to run over a bit. Although she is getting better at starting/finishing on time.

 

[Suzetig]

If she doesn't have an office or staff to answer the door she should really schedule her clients so one doesn't impinge on the other. If it's her practice it's her choice to schedule as she pleases, I've never seem or heard my Ts next client because of the way they are scheduled - it's entirely possibly to organise things that way but it would mean her seeing fewer clients. It's not all about money though, and I'd expect her to manage her diary better.

 

[NightSky]

My T doesn't have breaks between clients and I wish she would.
@barefoot i would have all of the same thoughts and concerns. It would be frustrating having someone buzz in on my session. I hate anything that's super distracting, but I guess in this case it's almost unavoidable. Unless she told clients not to buzz until a couple min before their time. But then a waiting room is unecessary. If I get there early (which I don't anymore because my T runs over most of the time) I wait in my car. Waiting rooms give me such anxiety. And I don't even have a buzzer to deal with!

 

[barefoot]

@Suzetig Well, yes, perhaps she "should" schedule clients so that they don't ever impinge on each other in some way. But there's not really anything I can do about that, since this is how she works and that's how it has always been. I also know a couple of other people who work with different T's and they have this same set up, so I don't think it is that unusual.

I don't actually think it is a money thing for her, particularly. I think it is more about her time-keeping - she will allow a session to run over if a client is distressed, for instance. And I remember when I used to see her before she had a scheduled break - she would always let our session run over so that we pretty much carried on all through her break. So, professionally speaking, no, she's obviously not great at keeping the boundary around session times and that then has a knock-on effect, which isn't ideal. On balance though, that hasn't ever felt like a big problem to me - I prefer that I have a therapist who will let me have some extra time if I need it if I'm upset/need to do some grounding before I leave than having one who boots me out the door bang on time no matter what. And I never get annoyed about her starting sessions a few minutes late either as I generally assume that it is because she has showed someone else kindness/allowed them a few minutes to get themselves together when they need it.

It's not ideal but I am pretty ok with it. The video screen though? Not ok with that!

 

[barefoot]

@NightSky I don't like sitting in the waiting room either - especially if someone else is in it! Though that doesn't happen very often. It's a nice room...comfortable seating, nicely decorated, tucked out of the way and quiet. But I always feel pretty agitated in there. So my "arrival rituals" tend to happen in the bathroom rather than the waiting room - for some reason, I prefer to be in the loo!