Visiting Family Makes Everything Worse...

[countryboi]

I went to visit my two daughters at my ex-wife's house tonight. It was a really difficult visit for me and my oldest daughter. My wife left me 7 months ago for someone else and my oldest is taking it the hardest. She just broke down and started crying in my arms. Though her sobs I could hear her asking me why she couldn't live with me instead of her mom. For a 7 year old, this has to be a traumatic experience. My ex has move our kids to three different school districts in the last year and she wants to move them again this summer. She wants to move them in with her new boyfriend and we aren't even divorced yet. My kids don't like the guy and tell their mother every day that they don't want to move again. This time they would be moving an hour away from me instead of being across the street like they are now.

As I was walking back to my brother's house (where I live) I couldn't get the thought out of my head that this is all my fault. When I get like this there is usually only one thing that I do. I always end up cutting myself.

I don't want my kids to grow up with the problems that I have because of what they are going through right now. And that weighs on my mind too. I'm just so frustrated, angry, confused, feeling desperate, heart broken, and a lot of other things....

 

[Reclusive]

You are being heard, CountryBoi - I hear you. I can't imagine the struggle that you're going through, but I hear you. This is not your fault. You are not responsible for your ex-wife's behavior. You can't control her actions - if you could, things would be different, wouldn't they? This is not your fault. You will still be there for your children. In what time you have, you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself so that you can be there to take care of them. If you aren't in therapy, get there. Learn healthy coping mechanisms and teach them to your children. That's the best thing you can do for them right now. Learn, and teach, and be there.

 

[anni]

Yes, we hear you. I've been through these, where one is powerless in the face of this sort of situation where there are children involved and in pain, some other 'adult' to deal with who refuses to acknowledge the harm.

It's a terrible feeling, and a ton of them at once for you, so as Reclusive said I hope perhaps you're being kind to yourself and seeking therapy? You're the security for your children, so taking care of yourself will give help you give them the best of yourself. It's truly amazing what kids pick up on as far as who they learn from, who they trust and what gives them strength. I won't get into it but have been reassured in this by my own children. You're there for them, they know this absolutely and it makes a huge, huge difference when life is chaotic.

Please do take care of yourself, and much peace to you and your children.

Anni

 

[Tosh]

I agree with anni and Reclusive, take care of yourself = things will get better. Focus on you right now, then the rest of your life will fall into place. It's funny how that works, but it has been the case for me. My situation is different, I left my ex when my daughter was about 7. He had abused me for eight years. My daughter is in couseling now, I believe it will be a great help and confort for her.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. <-----remember that! Being in a tough situation is one thing, but beating yourself up over it will not make it any better. ARE YOU READY TO PUT THE BASEBALL BAT DOWN YET? I ask myself that sometimes when I am listening to those thoughts in my head that do nothing but bring me down.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care. (((countryboi)))

"...When we long for life without...difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." -- Peter Marshall

 

[ronin47]

What an awful experience. My heart goes out to you. There is no way any of what is happening to you or your kids is fair and it absolutely is not your fault. Remember that. Hurting yourself will not make the situation better, nor will it do anything to help your kids. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

 

[OKRADLAK]

I am so sorry about that terrible situation. But I agree it is NOT your fault. But I do know how that feels. I think that about my family, too. Like it is all me that causes the trouble even if it was not even my fault. Why do we do that to ourselves???