Vulnerable To Criticism

[ladee]

@Ragdoll Circus, from reading this thread, this is just my observation... When a T and client, have become 'enmeshed', for lack of a better term, that you are worried you have hurt him... your needs of a T are being lost in things that the T could have possibly set boundaries about, a long time ago...
You may never know all the 'reasons'... but it does sound as it a Trauma T is what you need... you apparently had gone as far as you could with present T....
I am glad you have the other T in place... and I know you will move forward, yes, you have to work this out, possibly by yourself or with new T, or posting here, but it is not the end of your healing, it is the beginning of a new road... We have enough conflict without worrying about our T's....
I know I am making this sound so easy, and we all know it's not...Like Shimmerz said, who knows what this is the catalyst of.... and you know we are here for you, no matter what.

 

[Sandstone]

Do you feel your new T, and the rest of your team are enough? If so, then I think you are well out of a situation that seems to be creating unnecessary drama and crisis in your life.

If not, can you identify what this T could give that is now missing?

As far as blame goes, I tend to work on the assumption that if the same problem keeps happening then it is me repeating old patterns, but if it only with one person then it's either them or the combination of the two of us.

 

[anthony]

@shimmerz here is a link for you to piece things together yourself: https://www.sane.org/mental-health-and-illness/facts-and-guides/borderline-personality-disorder

 

[Sideways]

Just want to say thanks everyone for your posts. You've all been really thoughtful and compassionate and insightful and that really does mean a lot. It's never a nice experience when someone walks away, and it's been really incredibly helpful to me getting your responses and perspectives.

I do, of course, reserve the right to completely go to pieces about it later when it sinks in - twice a week for 2 years, done - but I'll reserve that pity party for my trauma diary! Just want everyone to know that your contributions have been received very gratefully:)

 

[Sideways]

5 years. That's twice a week for F I V E years...ouch!

 

[ladee]

If he has really helped you @Ragdoll Circus, hopefully you will do healthy grieving, and NOT go to pieces. You will do some of the things he has taught you in all that time together.. Possibly to honor the work the two of you did during that time. and to honor the ability to move forward. Namaste.

 

[Sideways]

@ladee - you're always so incredibly kind. I have the capacity to bend a lot further now without breaking. Time will pass. Things will work out. That's how we roll.

 

[ladee]

And that is how we roll. We don't do all this work to give our self permission to go back to square one. We get to hurt, to question, to cry and do what it takes, but no one on the planet has the power to undo the work we have done... You know how much I care for you, you know I am on your side, and hopefully you know I understand. All of us here are here for you to fill up the gaps... Namaste.

 

[Riot]

@anthony, I'm totally good with us doing the whole not communicating with each other thing.

@ladee, I agree with @Ragdoll Circus, it's always uplifting to see your responses. :)

I see my therapist twice a week, too, but it hasn't been that long in comparison. I'm not sure how I'd feel if that had to abruptly stop in the middle of what I perceive is progress. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Your recent responses versus your initial post seem to be more optimistic, so I hope that means you're feeling a bit more hopeful. I admire the courage you have to display gratitude in so many of your posts.

 

[Sideways]

@Riot - thank you:)

He saved my life a couple of times. Literally. There's definitely part of me that is completely gutted - he's the only person on the planet that I trusted, and the only person who I shared all the detail with, and he can't even tell me himself? He gets his boss to do it, and told his boss in advance that he didn't think a final sit-down with the 3 of us was going to work for him. Five years, all that trust, and that's what I get??

But I don't think I can afford to indulge in that headspace. In the grand scheme, he's a good guy, and he worked his arse off for years for me. It's not thw most gracious way of bringing that to an end, but I've got to go with @ladee 's approach for my own sanity. Take the good stuff I've got out of it and keep going.

Trust will continue to be an issue! But that's not something I'm going to get started on right now!

 

[Riot]

@Ragdoll Circus, yeah, I can understand that. From everything I've read, a closing session is universally one of those things usually recommended when ending a therapeutic relationship. If for no other reason, that would definitely play on my emotions. I've at six months here. I can't even imagine five years.

My mom always used to say, "Don't let them live inside your head," which I grew to resent in the context it was given, but I like the idea of not indulging in the head space much better.

 

[Abstract]

Really sorry to hear your situation. :( A therapy relationship when we have trust issues can run so deep its hard to put into words. Right down into our bones. For me anyway. Try not to unlearn the positive things you have learned in the relationship if you can.

I did read your previous thread and came to the conclusion that he was feeling insecure and criticized by your dr. Her not understanding your situation ended up with her blaming him to an extent. According to him. He is human after all and at a guess this seems to be his vulnerable point. It doesn't at all mean he never cared about you or that he didn't mean what he said to you. Or that there wasn't much good that he did with you.

Maybe what you can take from this is that people can have many good things about them and have weaknesses and that that can be OK in a sense. What is happening is horrible for you. I can only imagine. It would effect me terribly. He did much positive work with you and for his own reasons this is now something he can longer do. He is imperfect but helped you and there will be other people who help you. Like your other t.

If it was me I would try to give it some time to get over the shock and try to stop the trust backslide and leave the analysis of what happened till a little later. Then you can deconstruct things a bit and see if you would want to do anything differently next time. Not that I would be able to leave it of course! I would obsess. Once I'm more settled looking back is more constructive for me though so I would try to approach it that way from experience. Take care.