Want a loving mom

[illusionist]

You explained well....please don't apologise. I can understand that you need closure.....can't you focus on acceptance?....accept her choice to react in the way she is?

 

[Deleted member 37868]

@She Cat I should clarify that I never expected her to BE my mother necessarily . Yes,...

Lol she was being harsh. Tough love damages and destroys ppl, sometimes even whole families. Most ppl who are hurt need love and guidance. There is nothing wrong with seeking those things out. I have a few mother figure women in my life, and it has helped and lifted me up at times when I couldn’t even get out of bed. They picked up on my need for love and support and gave it to me. These types of relationships are quite natural, in some cultures girls would have several mothers, and I don’t mean sister wives lol, that support is needed, and our stupid disintegrated society lacks so much. Maybe she wasn’t a good one ! You’ll find one, good ppl are hard to find, believe me I know.

 

[Teasel]

Just to say I relate to wanting a Mum and likely always will and I too feel hurt by rejection. I've defo decided to parent myself too.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

Just to say I relate to wanting a Mum and likely always will and I too feel hurt by rejection. I've d...

True ! The one person we always have is ourselves!

 

[Overcoming]

@tracy jones
Sister wives! Lol. :roflmao:

 

[Gs172003]

It happened again. I attached to a mother-figure and confided in her. I became vulnerable. Knowing my pr...

Baby it probably wasn't you. It was probably life getting in the way. Or maybe she thought she was bothering you? Maybe reach out to her and make sure she's ok?

 

[Overcoming]

@illusionist
I would like to be at that point.

 

[EveHarrington]

Good point. Are you sure it’s you and not life getting in the way?

Have you rewatched out to see if she’s ok?

If not, this means your relationship is not balanced in the least.

 

[Overcoming]

I've checked on her to see how she is and gotten short responses of "busy". Trust me, I've asked. In fact I probably over-asked. I get really anxious sometimes and keep checking on people. I'm sure it's obnoxious .

 

[Supervixn]

Be gentle with yourself. It's all trauma related and your responses to it make logical sense to me, so avoid taking on shame or embarrassment. Let the desire for this "motherly" non-mother pass while keeping as dignified as possible. She's not your mother. No one can be. To expect it or to seek it in anyone is just going to hurt you. It just wont be fulfilled by another woman. As much as that hurts, you'll be better off recognizing and internalizing that truth... you'll be quicker to not involve yourself with looking for something that won't happen anyway. It's the sad truth of the matter.

Believe me, I totally understand. Ive struggled with this too. I recently was blatantly lied to by a coworker who I had motherly feelings for and it threw me into a tailspin. I felt so hurt and betrayed and depressed and was confused as to why it hurt so much until I realized I was in some ways mixing feelings for her with feelings for my own mother. When I realized this, I was able to disengage myself from it and just view her as a regular, flawed person who lies like a lot of people do (in other words: there's nothing "special" about her). Her lack of integrity surprised no one in my life who I'd spoken to about her; somehow through my communicating about her, they had the idea she lacked integrity where I hadn't picked up on it... and I work with her, they don't! It's just an internal missing piece and blind spot that was affected by my need for her approval and "care". That's one of a few examples of similar situations I've had with other "motherly" figures throughout my life, which is why my best advice is to learn ASAP how to disengage, recognize and avoid this behavior. You're just better off that way. Keep working through these issues in therapy and know you're not alone.

 

[Gs172003]

I want my mom to be a mom. That will never happen. She will only be what she knows how to be and I have to come to terms with that or drive myself crazy. My therapist told me to "be a mom to myself". I don't know what that means. So....I mom the heck out of my kids and other people lol

 

[Overcoming]

@Supervixn
You nailed the situation .Thank you!