Want To Leave Town

[lost4awhile]

For the past 4 months I have been on medical leave from a job that made me miserable everyday. I am not sure exactly why it made me miserable. Perhaps that it's a handful of females in a tiny shop and all the gossip that goes along. Also, it has fluctuating hours Monday thru Sunday and anywhere from 8am-11pm. I have been passed up for promotions and even though everyone knows I use 90% of my income on medical insurance and doctor visits I have never been offered any benefits. Instead they focus on every mistake I make and use it as a reason for which I do not deserve a promotion. Even though I can go back, I feel so overpowered by them I can't bring myself to tell them I won't take it anymore. And just thinking about going back there makes everything in my life feel shaky. I feel like I need to go back because I need to work, but there are so many other jobs out there. I should be able to go, I mean how many people like their job...not many, right?
It's just that since I've been injured and unable to work I have been able to spend so much more time working on myself. I have quit all of my destructive behaviors, I am not taking medication which I love that I am not. It was getting to the point I had to take so many pills I started gagging on them everytime. I don't want to take pills again, I believe I need to heal and learn to function without them. They were doing more harm than good. But, how can I return to all that stress and interaction without my anxiety meds?! I am so scared right now that I am forcing back tears. I just want to crawl into bed and hide from the world. I feel like I am going to start doing badly again if I go back there. But, if I hide from there I will end up hiding from the next job too, right? Deep down I want to go back to school, but I don't know if I can do that either. What if the stress is too much? Maybe I need to work on myself more. I don't know what to do and I have been doing so good with my triggers and not feeling scattered or overwhelmed, but now everything is just in a tornado. It's so hard to fight the urge to get out of town. But, I know I need to face this I just feel like I shouldn't have to with all that they have done to me.
Does anyone have any insight? Are my concerns totally panic-ridden and irrational?

 

[TigerPride]

Your concerns are completely and totally logical, and reasonable...

I understand I truly do, it stinks being the object of peoples' bullying & when that bullying stems from work, it makes life difficult and hard to handle.

Are you able to draw un-employement and search for a job else where?

Your right, you do not deserve the treatment you have been getting from your peers, & it is really sad that adults act like such bullies sometimes and push others around.

I hate that you have been injuried, but glad that you have been able to spend time getting your life and mental health back on track.

I have no clue as to how to remedy the problems at work, (I'd be a millionaire if I could fix that problem:)) It's one that sadly so many including myself deal with everyday.

I hope your able to find something that not only makes you happy, but also offers the medical benefits you need. :)

 

[lost4awhile]

TigerPride-Thank you for your kind words. It really helps to just hear that my concerns are justifiabe, especially from someone else who suffers with ptsd also. I took my xanax today to calm me down and am really upset that it came to that. I have not had to take any meds in 3 months and wanted to be free of them. I hate that they took that from me yet again. I got a call from a possible new job, I hope it goes through. It is really sad that people can be as close-minded as my co-workers are. Some are really sweet and that is why I want to go back, but overall I think it is bad for me and my progress. I think many of us need consistency in our lives. I hate to say that, I wish we could be more impenetrable and resilient, but I think it's too much to have a fluctuating schedule. Thank you for your comfort:) It is relieving to be validated in this.

 

[Kendra]

Lost4awhile, I'm sorry your coworkers were treating you poorly. It's got to be hard for you to work at that job and be around such people.
Do what you think is best for you. If you think it's better to leave that job and find a better one where people will treat you better, then do so because you deserve to be treated with respect.

 

[mamachick]

Lost-you describe the situation very clearly and sound very reasonable. It sounds as though the job is overwhelming you. I know that feeling of being overwhelmed from life, and very much agree with you that you have to look out for what is best for you. When you don't , the world has a way of putting us in our place and forcing us to take action. Glad to hear that you have another job prospect. Good for you, you are seeing your choices