Childhood Wanting to remember

LucyLou

Learning
So, I don't know if this sounds strange. I was sexually abused when I was younger. I remember who they were but I don't remember the ages that it started at stopped. I don't remember much, to be honest. I have a couple of memories there, so obviously know it happened but I'd like to be able to remember more (I'm aware about the whole trauma/memory loss thing) is there a way I could do this myself? Like, self EMDR/hypnosis etc
I know it's probably not recommended to do it myself and I am weeing a trauma therapist, so at least I have her to go to, when needed. Kind of feel like I want to remember more, before I even start trying to talk about it all.....because what if I'm wrong? What if I'm not remembering things correctly or I'm over reacting and it was all nothing?
 
Just to add to this and why this has come up. Christmas time is here, obviously and my twin brother (no abuse or anything there) we were do close at one point but he's really distanced himself. Not just from me but the whole family! Last time I saw him was last Nov at pur aunts funeral. Before that it had been 6 years and even then, I saw him and got our little ones together just twice and it had been years before that too. It does make me wonder sometimes if he could of known what was happening to me and that's what's cause the distance? I've tried to get I tou h and get our little.ones together....i have a niece over never met but he just isn't interested and ignores messages
 
Kind of feel like I want to remember more, before I even start trying to talk about it all.....because what if I'm wrong? What if I'm not remembering things correctly or I'm over reacting and it was all nothing?
You may want to remember more but as someone who sucks at patience and follows the opposite advice to their detriment, don’t push. Start talking about what you remember and let the rest of the information come when you’re ready. Knowing more doesn’t mean you’ll stop questioning whether it happened or not.
 
I have experience wanting to remember more, specifically I wanted to know if I had been assaulted in my childhood because there were some behaviours that started prior to when I remember being abused that to me didn't make sense outside of the context of having already been abused at this point in my life and not remembering it. From my later trauma I knew that a lot of my memories were missing, since after remembering an event that happened to me and realizing that it wasn't consensual and was actually very harmful, I have no longer been able to remember it directly. The only reason I remember it at all is because I factually, know that it happened. I have only the memories of recalling a memory. In any case, I may or may have not uncovered other memories from my childhood, but I'm not sure. This was during a period of heavy dissociation in my life so I feel a lot less inclined to beleive these memories, as well as it just being hard for me to beleive.

The one thing I want to tell you is this, if you have dissociative amnesia it's because your body and brain are trying to protect you. It isn't necessary to know eveything that happened to you to heal, and bringing those memories up may be more hurtful to you than helpful, especially without the direct help of a medical professional. It's okay to not know it all. You don't need to know everything about your experiences to start talking about them. I promise you aren't overreacting. I feel this way too a lot when thinking about what happened to me but I remind myself that it was real, that it was wrong and I'm entitled to my own feelings about it.
 
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