Sexual Assault Was I Raped? I Really Don't Know What To Think.

[hallie hendricks]

That's not clear cut for me... Because I've said Nah, nope, not gonna happen upfront, maybe a few th...

I also just want to point out that I was a virgin. He knew this and he also knew I didn't want to lose it to someone who meant nothing to me. This wasn't regret sex because I had no intentions, throughout the entire thing, to have sex with him. And I also want to clarify that I never re-engaged it. He did, every time. I tried to get dressed, I tried to tell him i didn't want to do anything but sleep.

 

[anthony]

However, he kept trying and would keep opening my legs and
pushing himself inside me and then hugging me against his chest so like I wasn’t raising up, and when i would say stop, he would either say, "it's okay." multiple times or kind of ignore it, or tell me to kiss him.

That is rape, by definition.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am so sorry you went through that. Please consider reporting it. At the very least talk to a rape crisis counselor. To me it is quite clear that you consented to fooling around and engaging in sexual activities that DID NOT include intercourse, but clearly DID NOT consent to intercourse.

 

[Casey_03]

Honestly, I don't think this would hold up as rape in a court of law, but you were definitely taken advantage of and this guy sounds incredibly cruel and manipulative. The only reason I say I don't think it would hold up in court is because it sounds like this was more about the guy being very manipulative rather than just holding you down. i know you said he did hold you down at one point, but I have to ask why you stayed with him then? I don't mean to be harsh at all, I've been in the same situation as you and it destroyed me. But the reason this doesn't scream rape at me is because it doesn't sound like you tried to flee. This guy clearly took advantage of you and he sounds like a predator, but I'm wondering if you wound up in this situation because you had been sexually abused before? Cause it sounds a bit like you were in shock, and I'm guessing that's why you didn't just run away. Again, I don't mean to be harsh or sound as if I'm judging you here -- I'm definitely not. But I know I have let myself get into this exact situation and I didn't fight back or run away because I felt like I was already defeated ... because it had happened to me before and I felt like I deserved it. I think that is the more important question here -- not whether or not you were raped, but why you were in this situation to begin with. The guy sounds absolutely horrendous. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Focus on why you were with him at all and what you need to do to prevent this from ever happening again. And if you want to talk, feel free to message me. I have been here before.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Casey_03 I think the fact that she is asking us if it sounds like rape could indicate that she didn't feel justified in fleeing. She may not have felt that she had anywhere to flee to. I am not sure that had I been in her exact situation I would have tried to flee, perhaps out of fear given how persistent he was.

As for it holding up in a court of law, I guess that all depends on where she is located.

 

[Summer Ava]

Rape. It's very clear that many of your experiences that night were non-consensual.

I'm guessing it was around Link Removed when we both fell asleep. I thought that was it but then I woke up to him trying again. And it was all finally done with at about Link Removed.

Penetrating a person while they are sleeping, is also rape.

 

[Saint Nik]

so i said, "i don't want to have sex."

You made it clear right from the start. Rape or sexual assault, It was not consented and he crossed your boundaries. I would seek help, I would report this, because like I said in my previous reply:

No means no! When you do not consent to sex and he still has sex with you, it is rape!

I hope you get the help you need. No-one should have to experience what you went through. And it isn't wrong that you didn't try to flee. Please don't doubt yourself, you are the one that has experienced this, and have came on this site asking for advice. That sends the message that what you went through wasn't right. Who asks for advice about sex they consented to? Would you have came on this site if it was just a bad sexual experience and asking advice?? Were you confused about whether or not you wanted to have sex, yet. . .you said no many times?!!
There is a difference in your story. You made it clear to the guy that you didn't want to have sex and you continued to say no. He continued to have sex with you and just because he wasn't forceful, that still didn't give him the right to continue to have sex with you and ignore the fact that you actually said NO! No means no. It doesn't mean - okay, I want to, but I am confused or not sure, so let's do it anyway and I will continue to say no when I mean yes!
It doesn't matter you didn't flee, or fight him off or he was manipulative, or he wasn't forceful enough or that you are seen as giving in. No means no and as soon as he heard you saying no, that is the exact moment he should have stopped!!! No is a clear cut answer and response!

Consented sex can have it's bad experience, but it is still consented. You knew you didn't want to have sex. You said no right from the beginning and during it and it was ignored. Please seek help and report it. He was wrong. Do not doubt yourself.

 

[Justmehere]

Yes, it was rape.

Why do you question if it was rape or not? Is there something specific that makes you think it was not rape? You don't describe anything that gives consent to penetration, and he did it anyhow.

I'm sorry you went through this. :hug: Please cut this guy out of your life ASAP.

 

[joeylittle]

Just on a really practical level - if this happened recently (in the last 72 hours), if at any point he was inside you without wearing a condom, you need to go and get the Plan B pill. I believe any pharmacy should dispense it to you, and you won't have to answer any questions. It doesn't matter if he ejaculated while inside you or not; you are at a risk for pregnancy.

I'm sorry to also say, you will want to be tested for STDs. And it's maybe going to be something that feels weird, or shameful, or too scary...but I promise, it's just a thing you want to do. You can go to your local planned parenthood (I'm assuming you are in the US), get an exam, and get the tests done.

Finally, if you are in a situation where you live with this person, you will want to move out. And that's maybe gonna feel awkward, but it's important that you get into a safer situation.

Is there anyone in your real life you feel like you can talk with about this?

 

[void]

imo yes you were

 

[lil_fighter]

Yes it was rape. It was more than clear that you didn't want to. You expressed your wish for him to stop on numerous occasions. The part where you said he held the side of your face down and also when he tried it while you were asleep...he quite clearly was trying to get what he wanted despite knowing that you didn't want to. Waiting for you to be asleep, he was probably hoping that you wouldn't be able to get out of the situation and again that you would give in. It's quite clear that he was trying to break you down hoping that with each attempt you would give in eventually. Rape can happen even in a way that is disguised as 'friendly' for example him apologising. We know rape happens within marriages and relationships and even if someone has consented to sex in the past does not give the other person the right to assume that they can expect sex whenever they want it. In your case, you were a virgin and he knew it. He behaved in a very manipulative, forceful (but tried to disguise it as being loving or normal), selfish way. It was rape yes. Many people here have agreed that it is rape and I am very sorry for what has happened to you. I can only hope that by having the confirmation that yes, you were violated, that you can gain a sense of clarity and feeling a bit more certain about what has happened.

He is pathetic and disgusting. If he was a normal, healthy guy and instead of some sick pervert just interested in having sex with you, he would have been happy to just lie there cuddling you even if you said no to his advances. The first time he tried and you said no, that should have been it. He behaved in a sly way and I can understand why you may be feeling confused about what happened but all you need to do is read the responses here for peace of mind. I hope that you have cut contact with this guy. There are support groups out there who will help you and therapy will help you to work through what has happened. Perhaps when you are ready, telling a close relative or friend will help you. Bottling it up will only make it worse. You have done the right thing by posting here :)

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm not sure you could prosecute, but it was rape. I'm so sorry.