Was my therapist now my best friend

[Bird33]

@littleoc Thsnk you. I will talk with her about it.


@EveHarrington She would like me to stop contact completely but understands why I can’t. We have made progress but I feel I am losing ground now. We usually talk about my feelings why I feel I need her. What I feel like i need from her. It’s just that, when I am talking with my new therapist I feel okay. It’s when I leave and then I am in the middle of if. I can talk to myself and sometimes hold off but eventually I give in. It’s too much.

@Sweetleaf You are totally correct. I should just do that but I can’t. I feel like I need her and won’t make it without her. I know it’s ridiculous but the feeling is overwhelming.

 

[Justmehere]

I started therapy to deal with the sexual abuse and abusive relationships of my past. Now I am trying to figure out this mess.

The pay relationships and his one are not unrelated.

You are stuck in a trauma re-enactment type of situation. You are replaying the poor boundaries of trauma, just with a new person in a position of power over you.

Only this time, you do have the power and freedom to say no. Enough.

Will it be easy? No.

Will it help heal from the past and the current situation? Yes. You will be able to claim the truth that you are ok without having people invade your boundaries for the sake of connection.

 

[EveHarrington]

What if you changed your mindset to

“I choose.....”

Instead of

“I can’t....”

The former gives you power while the latter leaves you feeling powerless.

 

[Bird33]

@Justmehere i know your right but how do I leave something that I feel like I was looking for since I was a kid. It’s the need that is pulling me. I know what I should do, I just don’t know how to break away from it. I am really scared and feel like I won’t make it if I don’t have this relationship. Again I know it is not true but I can’t explain the longing for it. I’m so frustrated. I feel like I make a step forward with good boundaries and then I can only hold it for so long and then I go right back. I feel so pathetic.

@EveHarrington your right as well. I can choose. But that’s the problem I feel like I would be giving up what I have been looking for since I was a child. I know in my head that’s not true but my heart is in control. I desperately feel like I need this. I don’t really understand it. It is the most frustrating thing I have ever been through.

 

[littleoc]

If you are able to keep saying that everyone is right, then you can also act on that. You're much stronger now than before :)

 

[Bird33]

@littleoc i know I am trying. It just feels so unbelievable to be told how special you are when you never felt special in your life. It’s hard to give up even though I know something is wrong.

 

[littleoc]

@littleoc i know I am trying. It just feels so unbelievable to be told how special yo...

I understand. I spent years in the same boat... only because it also made my "friend" feel loved and special. It makes me so sad to see you getting treated this way, but I understand what you feel.

 

[Bird33]

@littleoc Thank you for understanding. It really is one of the hardest things to deal with. I’m sorry you had to go through it. Do you think now looking back it has helped you at all?

 

[littleoc]

@littleoc Thank you for understanding. It really is one of the hardest things to deal...

Helped me? Do you helped me by cutting it off?

Because if so, then absolutely. I couldn't work on my own issues. I was addicted to a human who thought maybe even seriously that I was a fungus. I couldn't heal from PTSD with that going on. I was constantly terrified of upsetting her, even when I was more than 100 miles away from her. Having my own life again has felt so, so nice. The night I cut her off was probably one of the worst nights I had ever had, but the next morning everything was okay. She started absolutely hating my guts, so I realized she wasn't as mature as me and was upset that she had lost control. We had never been friends, as it turned out. I was her plaything and a way for her to feel validated, and when I "ruined" that she acted as though I had tried to ruin her life.

That breakup day still bothers me but it was because I thought it was my fault. It was so bad that I missed critically important meetings without even noticing. I hung out with REAL friends that night until the sun threatened to rise, unable to handle the intense emotion (I was so convinced I had ruined her life), then put headphones in my ears and REFUSED to think about it, took melatonin and several sleeping aids (I don't recommend this at all) because I just couldn't handle it.

Next day, I messaged her to tell her I was sorry and really did love her, but it just had to be over. She replied... that she totally hated my guts, hoped I have a bad life, and insisted that she could never wish me well because I had taken advantage of her, who was lonely and friendless.

Turns out it was the other way around. Yes, I do still care about her, and I am still worried about her. But I haven't contacted her. It's no use, and she's a piece of work. She's toxic and if she doesn't know it, it's not my fault. Not my problem either. I have felt AMAZING without someone constantly acting as though my life was taking away from hers. Without always feeling like I needed to put aside absolutely everything for her, no matter what it was, what time it was, anything.

It's just not worth it. It's much better to go back to your good friends -- the ones that don't feel like an addiction

 

[Bird33]

@littleoc Yes that’s what I meant. Thank you for sharing. It really helps to hear. I’m so glad that you were able to do that for yourself. It sounds like it was incredibly difficult but so worth it. I’m sorry that you were treated that way.
I am working on things and hopefully will be able to do the same one day. It’s just so hard.

 

[EveHarrington]

I know it’s hard, really hard.

I was recently in a relationship where I couldn’t let go. I held on at all costs and it pushed me down so far. I thought it would be horrible when I lost the other person.

But when it was all over? A great weight was lifted off my shoulders.

My point is that I think you are prolonging your own pain. You may never get to a point to where you feel ok with kicking her out of your life....until after you actually do it. In the mean time she continues to manipulate you, convincing you that you won’t be able to survive without her.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that this woman should never be able to be a therapist again. She’s messed you up so much and it’s going to take you a long time to heal from this situation.

 

[littleoc]

I know it’s hard, really hard.

I was recently in a relationship where I couldn’t let go. I...

I agree. I was in that same boat, where I wasn't ready until afterward. You just can't wait for motivation. Even if you do, it's fleeting anyway -- you have to just do it.

And yes, this is so horrible to hear. I'm not convinced this person is safe as a therapist, putting her needs into client's lives in such vulnerable situations.


@Bird33 I'm glad it helped :) Just keep reminding yourself that it's not your fault, but you need to get out of this