Wasn't Sure Where To Post This?

[Zufo]

Whoa put down the self directed insults. You don't deserve to have your feelings and concerned to be called petty. You d...

He isn't faultless; he lacks in communicating. I'll try and talk to him about certain things and he goes silent or changes the subject. He's getting better...though, I had to hound him enough times and tell him I need to trust him or it just isn't going to work. I have to trust him to listen to me and he has to be able to open up as well.

I'll mention I'll pay his way for dinner, not to worry, he can just pay for my dinner sometime. He'll get instantly defensive and say things like, "I paid for our movie, remember?" I have never made an issue out of me paying for dinners...he's the one getting emotional about it. I don't mind paying, I know he's low on cash. I haven't ever made it an issue, it really is no big deal. When I pay, he gets antsy when he can't see the check. "What is it? Is it bad? Let me see." I'll tell him it's okay, if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have offered to take him out. I don't expect anything in return, just that he enjoys himself and I do hope a little that he'll take me on a surprise date at some point.

I don't think he knows how to deal with me when I say things like, "I am distant because I just need time to process what is in my head. I need to focus on me right now, get through this, so I can be okay." I honestly don't know how to handle it all. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Maybe I need to find new ways of telling him I need a day or two.

We talk through our problems instead of bicker. I'll calm myself down when I'm upset before I talk to him because being emotional won't allow me to comprehend what either of us say. He honestly is a good man to me. He's not perfect, but who is? I'd worry if someone was 100% perfect...

My insecurities stem from countless issues. I just wish I knew how to get a grip on them. He has them too, only, he doesn't talk to me about them. ....and I don't talk to him, either.

 

[Eka]

I'll mention I'll pay his way for dinner, not to worry, he can just pay for my dinner sometime. He'll get instantly defensive and say things like, "I paid for our movie, remember?" I have never made an issue out of me paying for dinners...he's the one getting emotional about it. I don't mind paying, I know he's low on cash. I haven't ever made it an issue, it really is no big deal. When I pay, he gets antsy when he can't see the check. "What is it? Is it bad? Let me see." I'll tell him it's okay, if I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have offered to take him out. I don't expect anything in return, just that he enjoys himself and I do hope a little that he'll take me on a surprise date at some point.

You handled this beautifully.

The way he acted would make me anxious on a date, and have all kinds of insecurities that he would see me as a financial burden to him, and I don't generally have that particular insecurity.

You are doing so many things right, and I don't want that to get lost in the struggle to figure out how to work out how to communicate with him about these issues and work them through.