We Become What Our Parents Want Us To Be C-ptsd

[Bloomy]

I am glad to read all this and its helpfull. Really helpfull. Im not very good to describe things emotionally cause I werent allowed to have emosions the time I was IC with family. I was the famiies dumpsters. Until I was 20 years old I hardly spoke. I worked hard to learn that and to change to be "social". Which is what people percieve me as today officially. Open and friendly. Whilst privatly Im just deeply ashamed of existing at all.

 

[Chava]

I relate to many of those feelings @Bloomy . Welcome to the forum!

 

[Teasel]

What a great insight! I'm so glad to have come across it.

With a very depressed mother I learned very early on to be a very quiet "good" girl. I was sorely neglected. And often told later in life what a quiet, good baby I was :/

From infancy I was so independant, I would take my brothers nappies from the radiators to put in my toys no matter if I was told off or not. Because there was no way I would allow any of my toys ti feel left out.! I knew I was not valued by others. I knew my needs went important to others.I knew I was considered bad in my family.

Age 3 I couldn't get Mum out of bed to make breakfast for hours and hours. So I went to the local shop with my mum's purse. I knew my baby brother should not be left alone so I pushed him there in his pram too. Mum was s8 angry as the Police were called. ..

I am still independant to an extant that others find strange and I tend to feel guilty for it esp when people don't understand and judge me for it. As if it somehow shows I don't care about others. I do though, I'm just still so used to being alone. I realise others are not like that..

 

[Bloomy]

What a great insight! I'm so glad to have come across it.

With a very depressed mother I learned very...

Well described and clearifying to me. People see me as very independant too and I also tend to feel guilty about it. I was also "moms" little helper as she was depressed and mentally not very well.

I know have a flat mate that comes from a harmonic and total normal family. Its the strangest thing ever to see how he relate to his family. And I learn a lot about my own background set against seeing what I see really is normal.

 

[Teasel]

@Bloomy Do you find it helpful to have a normal flatmate to live with, or painful?

 

[Bloomy]

@Berlinda

Both. Its painful to see firsthand all the love I never had. And never will get. From a biological family atleast. All I actually missed out on growing up in such dysfunctionality. Yeah it kinda hurt. Makes me feel lonely. Lost.

But also good since It makes me understand my life so much better. It relives my guilt that I maybe done something wrong - that it was all my fault as they always told me its was. Understanding it wasnt. To see his relationship with his sisters made me realise how truly sick my own sister treated me (wrote about it here) How sick she truly must be.
Seing how he speaks with his family I understand why I can never speak to my family again since they are not aware of their malfunctional patterns and keep blame tripping me.

Plus - I shared flat with people with their own issues before. Thats horrible since they`ve involved me in their inner drama. And its not something I can take.

So all in all its a good experience to really see what a normal family is actually supposed to behave.

 

[Teasel]

I'm glad for you @Bloomy sounds like the kind of painful experience which is none the less healing, validating :)

I think I often avoid such situations cause they make me see how much pain I am in - perhaps I should try more to persist
Thanks

 

[oasis2003]

Wow I hav just read most of this thread and I can relate to lots that has been said and discussed. Although it is sad that we have had to suffer like this it is quite reassuring to know that you are not alone in suffering in similar ways. Thank you for sharing your experiences it has been helpful and insightful for me. It has given me a lot to think about. It is a good thread @shimmerz . Many :hug::hug::hug: to all of us for our suffering :(

 

[shimmerz]

Many :hug::hug::hug: to all of us for our suffering

Thanks for resurrecting it @Oasis. I had forgotten about it and a ton of stuff in here applies to me right now. I am so cocky in some of these posts. lol.

'Yep, dealt with that.... Yep, this stage is finally over.'

LOL. Whatever.... 2 years later, still dealing.... :hug:

 

[scout86]

'Yep, dealt with that.... Yep, this stage is finally over.'

I'm starting to wonder if that line of thinking is EVER accurate. I suppose at some point maybe it is? Maybe???