General We need a little organization

[dulcia]

Mine has his own large whiteboard calendar. He didn't use it for the first three months, but I kept it updated with only events we had committed to together -- soccer game next Saturday, kid's birthday party in two weeks, etc. Minimal information, plain black and white board. Over time, he started crossing off the days himself. Now, when I get a week or so behind, he reminds me. Sometimes he'll even scrawl his own appt on there himself. Maybe slow introduction would be best for your guy too, @Sweetpea76. I don't know how helpful the calendar was for him in the beginning, or even if it's helpful for him now, but I think just getting into a routine of checking it each morning was helpful. Also, it was his own board and I didn't put all of my little things on it, so it was straightforward for him and for things only concerning him.

 

[Sighs]

"We" have a calendar where I write all his appointments - doctors, physios, trips away together and also when I will be away. I say "we" because if I have an appt that he doesn't need to know about - then it does NOT go on there.

He writes his own "To Do" lists most nights, but unless there is an asterisk next to an item (and sometimes even then) ALL tasks can carry over - no time frame applies to the list.

I manage most of the money in terms of making sure bills get paid etc and do all the shopping so he doesn't need to worry about 99% of the logistics of living. Helping? Enabling? Not sure...

Has he asked you for help? Is it affecting your life? I would be careful about taking on managing him - it can become a full time bloody job!

 

[Sweetpea76]

I do a fair bit of managing... all except the financial stuff. It's a security thing for him, he has to see all the bills are paid the second he gets them, how much money he has etc. I do pretty much all of his brick and mortar shopping and "secretarial" tasks, like keeping track of his appointments and getting him there, doing paperwork, making sure he renews his driver license, etc.

He's been trying to get into some kind of a routine and "get a life" as he says. He is at home disabled, and wants to accomplish something rather than being locked up in a dark room watching TV all day. He's just having problems focusing on a schedule, a task, or even a hobby. He's been trying, but he gets too squirrelly about it and ends up frustrating himself to the point of giving up. He's been trying to start making lists, but he is having a hell of a time. Then he gets frustrated because I'm organized, punctual, and productive. Not that he begrudges me that, but it makes him feel like a failure in comparison.

 

[scout86]

I've been thinking about the phone/ apps. That might be a generational thing. I think I'd, eventually hurt my phone if it kept nagging me.:confused: (The whole 'nagging' thing is an issue, for me, personally.)

If I was going to do a long term list, I think I'd have to put it on the computer or something, so I can't lose it.

Another thought. Lists don't have to be all drudgery. You can include things you actually WANT to do too. Personally, I tend to put off fun stuff and think I 'can't'do it until everything else is done. Sometimes I include it in the list, to encourage myself to do it.

The thing I have noticed the most is that it had to be sort of organic. It's easy to lose a list and of won't usually remember there's a list to look for. :( I've never had a TBI, but my T says I have, at best, some "ADHD'ish tendencies". There's probably some over lap.

Some really good ideas here, I'm glad you bright this up!

 

[dulcia]

He is at home disabled, and wants to accomplish something rather than being locked up in a dark room watching TV all day. He's just having problems focusing on a schedule, a task, or even a hobby. He's been trying, but he gets too squirrelly about it and ends up frustrating himself to the point of giving up. He's been trying to start making lists, but he is having a hell of a time. Then he gets frustrated because I'm organized, punctual, and productive. Not that he begrudges me that, but it makes him feel like a failure in comparison.

Man, we really struggle with this too. I think that's mine has ended up with drinking as his hobby :eek: Hard to get that wrong...

 

[Deanna]

Well... I'm in the Biz ( somewhat.. or a big somewhat, really) and I started having problems with my own place.Solution for me ( PTSD) I cleared one room out ( nothing in there) put everything I couldn't seem to sort through, throw away-- so that's all I can see. I think this is an awesome idea. I've also got a ton of stuff in the garage because I picked-up some good deals from this summer ( decorative bricks, mulch) and my house looks like it got it by a tornado. I'm also going to plant a tree/shrubs that I literally saw three days ago-- one of them is a bald cypress.

 

[Deanna]

For me, it's getting too much going..and then taking a step-back to finish what I started.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hmmm... that may be a good idea too. His own office/desk area that he can look at if he is feeling productive, and close off/not see when he isn't.

 

[Buttercup]

@dulcia You crack me up!

 

[dulcia]

I need a drink, @tlc!!

 

[Deanna]

I need a drink, @tlc!!

Don't drink but I tried the calendar thing ( white erase large) and its still on July. I think its too far, to the left of my vision to even notice it in my office. When I worked at corporate.. my desk was a tornado but I handled stuff that no one wanted to do, too. I started with 438,000 vendors with minus signs on their paycecks..and I figured out the minus signs. I was reallty good, too. One of the girls from Toledo, Ohio wanted me to move there and work for their company and I should have.....( damnit) Even though I've had a lot of trauma for most of my life.. half of it coud have been different I suppose;

I'm on too much medication to drink and I can't drink. I'm pretty small but tall, and that cr*p just dehydrates me.

 

[Buttercup]

I need a drink, @tlc!!

Lol so do i!