Wearing Her Interpretation.

[futurefocussed]

I hate her.
I know hate is a strong word.
I hate her need for control.
I hate that i hope for different!
When this world is full of empty words.
Broken promises.
Pain.
Sin.

Anger.
Poison.
I don't doubt it.
I hate that i had hope.
I hate that she was a manipulative bitch.
Maybe not manipulative.
Led me down the garden path.
Gave me some hope in a relationship of some kind.
Invited me over.
Admitted to trying to love me.
To then crush me.
Tell me there's no hope.

I don't hate her.
I hate myself.
That I even thought...

Tomorrow will be better.
She's still a bitch.

 

[Virtues]

You have to work on looking in the mirror, and loving the person looking back at you. You can't keep holding yourself accountable for the way others treated you; that's on them. Self compassion is a difficult practice, but necessary.

 

[Powder]

Has anyone shown you unconditional or unabusive love before?

 

[futurefocussed]

Has anyone shown you unconditional or unabusive love before?

97% of my church love me. It's that i don't recognise or trust it.

 

[Powder]

Are you in counseling or therapy, or have you been?

That could be from different things, so not sure what to respond yet.

It can be attachment style and/or based on learned response to early environment. It can be plain old adult onset PTSD avoidance, that you're explaining this way, feeling this way.

I think that feeling is just the pits.