Weighing Me Down...

[pghchick84]

Hi all,

So I'm not sure if my issue is PTSD-related, but I've been told that suicide ideation or attempts can give an individual PTSD, so I thought this might be a good place to start. Last year, I was in a very dark place and came scarily close to stepping in front of an Acela high-speed train; to this day, I have no idea what stopped me, but the fact that I came that close still bothers me a lot.

Before getting to the point of actively considering suicide, I had been massively depressed for about 6 or so months prior and distanced myself almost entirely from my friends and as best as possible from my family. Luckily, I was eventually able to address and overcome the issue that made me want to kill myself in the first place and was able to feel happy and free for a few months afterwards, but all I feel lately is that numb, sinking feeling, like it's never going to be possible to get close to someone or to be happy (at this point, I can't even cry, even though I feel like curling up inside myself and crying until I find some relief). I don't feel suicidal at the moment, but I don't know why else I would feel so down, aside from the possibility that hearing someone use suicide as a ploy for attention recently may have triggered something inside me.

I'd love to be able to feel free, not weighed down by that hopeless feeling, and eventually able to connect with other people at some point, so any input or suggestions are very welcome. Thanks in advance and happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

 

[Ronin]

Hi,

I'm not sure suicidality or suicide attempts themselves are PTSD producing, as per DSM criteria, current. However, what caused you to be suicidal, may well be, depending on what it was.

In every case, it's a traumatic experience you came through, and I doubt you'd be unwelcome in this forum. We're all about supporting people with living, and living well. ;) Just dispelling PTSD myths.

Ok, first off: What makes you happy?
& What makes you feel close to someone?
And third question, where other than with people can you feel it? Perhaps may be a good place to start looking. Find what makes you feel happy and in tune with people, general, before you're finding the concrete person or people to be happy and close to, with.

What helps you feel free? I bet there's that feeling, somewhere, even when everything else is. 'Just' bring it out. Easier said than done.

Thank you for posting, and happy Thanksgiving to you too.

 

[Glara]

Happy Thanksgiving to you also!

I'm not sure if you're asking if your depression and suicide plan caused you to develop PTSD? I don't think it matters if you have it or not, if you were so depressed that you had a plan, counseling would definately be a good idea.

Keep reading and posting. Although I'm not a sufferer, I've gotten a lot of emotional support here, at a time when I literally had no one to talk to. You'll learn a lot here, there's a lot of very kind and patient people on this forum. Welcome!

 

[Cavegirl]

I don't have any wise words for you. I just want you to know you aren't alone. There are a lot of great people on here. And reading others stories helps me feel... Normal. I never feel normal. It's soothing. Hang in there, know you aren't alone and eventually you'll be able to get closer to the center of the teeter totter of life.