Weird dissociative-like state in sleep

[Lisamarieaxo]

Hello everyone,
This is my first post and I am looking forward to getting support and being a support here.
I had been doing great with my panic disorder (w mild agoraphobia) and thought it was over. I had a traumatic event (moderately) and a couple weeks later, put of the blue, I get a panic attack (after not having one for over 2 years). Then begins a relapse.
The WORST THING (and new thing although itndid happen once before the new trauma about 5 months ago) is I am waking in the middle of the night and I am totally disoriented. No idea who I am or what's going on. My thoughts are strange and I can't follow them or male sense of anything. A part of me is aware and freaking out as this is happening. When I start to come out of it I feel total terror about the whole expierence. What was that? What if it keeps happening all the time? How will i work and support myself (I have no supports)?
I feel like it is a delirium and I am loosing my mind. It feels like decending into a state of madness. I am very disturbed. It has also happened while falling asleep just as I am drifting. Anyone have anything weird like this?

 

[shimmerz]

Yes. Often. I call it extreme disorientation. Happens when I am affected by something in a trauma like way. I used to have them before dropping to sleep and called them 'annihilation anxiety' because it literally feels like my psyche is shattering around me and I have a front row seat. Terrifying.

I have learned to really focus on my 'safe place' prior to sleeping and it seems to help direct my success in getting through a night without suffering through this. Keep in mind, I had no safe place at that time so I had to construct it while I was falling asleep for myself.

Which was both interesting and fascinating all at the same time. But it helped.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, I’ve had those since I was a teenager. They decreased as I healed.

 

[Lisamarieaxo]

Yes. Often. I call it extreme disorientation. Happens when I am affected by something in a trauma like way. I used to have them before dropping to sleep and called them 'annihilation anxiety' because it literally feels like my psyche is shattering around me and I have a front row seat. Terrifying.

I have learned to really focus on my 'safe place' prior to sleeping and it seems to help direct my success in getting through a night without suffering through this. Keep in mind, I had no safe place at that time so I had to construct it while I was falling asleep for myself.

Which was both interesting and fascinating all at the same time. But it helped.

Thank you for this! It means the WORLD to me that anyone has experienced this. I am not even describing it fully it is way worse than my description but that's the best I can do. I fear this isn't anxiety and some sort of psychosis. I am afraid it won't stop. That it will get worse. That it will happen in the daytime. How did you heal? My safe space is my bed and that's where this is happening... thanks a lot

Yes, I’ve had those since I was a teenager. They decreased as I healed.

I hope that this goes away. I am petrified every moment. How did you heal? What if this gets worse...

 

[EveHarrington]

For me it was a matter of improving my quality of sleep all around, not just focusing on healing these events. Yes, I have had them happen in public, when I’ve fallen asleep during the daytime, and they were quite terrifying. (I’m not trying to scare you.) Do you have other sleep issues as well?

 

[Lisamarieaxo]

For me it was a matter of improving my quality of sleep all around, not just focusing on healing these events. Yes, I have had them happen in public, when I’ve fallen asleep during the daytime, and they were quite terrifying. (I’m not trying to scare you.) Do you have other sleep issues as well?

No I don't. Sleep was ok until I started waking w these. I won't fall asleep in public. I guess I am afraid bc I am not explalining how it really is. I am doing my best w my awareness and limitations of language. This experience can not be out fully into words. It feels like a psychosis. I am very fearful to even go to sleep now. Thank you for listening.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Do you see a therapist? I have these too, as well a nightmares where I wake up screaming, being half awake and hallucinating. My T told me the hallucinating when half awake is normalish, but I think it has to do with my meds. My therapist suggests that as I go to sleep I tell myself that I am safe in my sleep. I keep forgetting to.

 

[EveHarrington]

It also might be a matter of healing your trauma overall so that these episodes get better. That is, as you talk about the trauma and process what happened to you, the sleep disturbances may decrease.

 

[shimmerz]

I hope that this goes away. I am petrified every moment.

I know it is hard, but please keep in mind that the more you fear it, chances are good the more you will cause a self perpetuated looping system. I call it fear of the fright.
Which is the anxiety that is created by being afraid of the anxiety. I am not trying to minimize or dismiss, just save you some grief along the way.

That's the thing too right? The more terrified I was of falling asleep (because that was when it was happening by and large) the more likely I was to be affected by a lack of sleep psychosis - so it really felt like a double bind. No matter what I tried to do it seemed to lead back to this annihilation anxiety stuff.

I think what was happening was that I was so locked up and frozen physically in my body that when my body attempted to relax into sleep that terrors were being released. Like, deep dark terrors that I hadn't processed yet. And I wasn't prepared to process them.

I worked on this for almost a decade. Then..... I started to medicate with medical marijuana - which I really had never taken before ever. I had no experience with it. But what it did was relax the inside of me throughout the day as well so that it wasn't taking such a diametrically opposed physical state to wind down in order to sleep at night.

So, yeah, it ended up being a bit of a anti-climatic situation in the end. Which is good. Not sure if that helps with you question or not, but those are my thoughts on how it worked out for me.

I really am very sorry you are going through these. I know just how scary terrifying it can be.

 

[Lisamarieaxo]

Do you see a therapist? I have these too, as well a nightmares where I wake up screaming, being half awake and hallucinating. My T told me the hallucinating when half awake is normalish, but I think it has to do with my meds. My therapist suggests that as I go to sleep I tell myself that I am safe in my sleep. I keep forgetting to.

I have 2 therapists and several mentors. But this is so strange. It has LITERALLY gotten me through the last few days knowing you guys said you have had this. Not that I want anyone to suffer. I just still don't feel like I can describe it. Are people able to have these and still work? Have a social life? I am afraid to go out much. These experiences have occupied me. The last 2 night I did NOT have one. But now is time for bed and I am worried. It just seems so horrible. Prbly the worst experience (maybe) of my life.

It also might be a matter of healing your trauma overall so that these episodes get better. That is, as you talk about the trauma and process what happened to you, the sleep disturbances may decrease.

Yes. I am hoping so. I wish this had a name or something that I could verify so that I could convince my mind it wasn't going crazy. You guys have helped more than my therapists. When I told them I could tell they ddnt really know what I meant. I do EMDR and have taken some time off of work to process traumas. How can anyone work or live life like this? Thank you

I know it is hard, but please keep in mind that the more you fear it, chances are good the more you will cause a self perpetuated looping system. I call it fear of the fright.
Which is the anxiety that is created by being afraid of the anxiety. I am not trying to minimize or dismiss, just save you some grief along the way.

That's the thing too right? The more terrified I was of falling asleep (because that was when it was happening by and large) the more likely I was to be affected by a lack of sleep psychosis - so it really felt like a double bind. No matter what I tried to do it seemed to lead back to this annihilation anxiety stuff.

I think what was happening was that I was so locked up and frozen physically in my body that when my body attempted to relax into sleep that terrors were being released. Like, deep dark terrors that I hadn't processed yet. And I wasn't prepared to process them.

I worked on this for almost a decade. Then..... I started to medicate with medical marijuana - which I really had never taken before ever. I had no experience with it. But what it did was relax the inside of me throughout the day as well so that it wasn't taking such a diametrically opposed physical state to wind down in order to sleep at night.

So, yeah, it ended up being a bit of a anti-climatic situation in the end. Which is good. Not sure if that helps with you question or not, but those are my thoughts on how it worked out for me.

I really am very sorry you are going through these. I know just how scary terrifying it can be.

Thank you Shimmerz. You have helped me more than you know. I am still afraid because the way I am describing it is not fully how bad, or accurate it is. When this happened to you were you able to continue functioning? I have been afraid to leave my house. I am also getting confusion severe during the day. I have this thing, I will post about, where if I start to think too much or deeply, or about others perspectives, it's a trigger for a regular panic attack or some weird diassoiative, dp/Dr stuff. I had heard when we are going thru an anxious time (or as my mentor claire weeks says a sensitized time) we should stay away from abstract thought. I rented the movie "avatar" to watch and decided not to as my psyche seems vulnerable and like it's working things out (and dsnt want more input now). Please tell me I am not crazy! And that it's safe for me to live my life! Ps. Last night I listened to a ptsd mediation as I went to sleep and I liked it. I ddnt get this weird sleep dissociation the last 2 night. Hoping tnte is good. THANK YOU DEAR ONE FOR YOUR HELP! ?

 

[Lisamarieaxo]

I know it is hard, but please keep in mind that the more you fear it, chances are good the more you will cause a self perpetuated looping system. I call it fear of the fright.
Which is the anxiety that is created by being afraid of the anxiety. I am not trying to minimize or dismiss, just save you some grief along the way.

That's the thing too right? The more terrified I was of falling asleep (because that was when it was happening by and large) the more likely I was to be affected by a lack of sleep psychosis - so it really felt like a double bind. No matter what I tried to do it seemed to lead back to this annihilation anxiety stuff.

I think what was happening was that I was so locked up and frozen physically in my body that when my body attempted to relax into sleep that terrors were being released. Like, deep dark terrors that I hadn't processed yet. And I wasn't prepared to process them.

I worked on this for almost a decade. Then..... I started to medicate with medical marijuana - which I really had never taken before ever. I had no experience with it. But what it did was relax the inside of me throughout the day as well so that it wasn't taking such a diametrically opposed physical state to wind down in order to sleep at night.

So, yeah, it ended up being a bit of a anti-climatic situation in the end. Which is good. Not sure if that helps with you question or not, but those are my thoughts on how it worked out for me.

I really am very sorry you are going through these. I know just how scary terrifying it can be.

Hi Shimmeraz were you able to see my last reply? Another question I have was when going thru this were you able to work and function? Thank you

 

[DharmaGirl]

I am no longer able to work. I function well enough, but I can't deal with a lot of pressure or stress. I haven't worked since 2012, and I really miss it.