Weird Realization About Self Care/neglect

[stuff]

So I realized something this afternoon. I had a pretty busy day and was running errands and going non stop for the most part. Around 4 o'clock I started to have a bit of an episode and was filled with dread and despair,and started having a panic attack and crying, it felt like it came out of the blue, but then I realized I hadn't eaten since early morning, and I was exhausted.

I really seem to crash harder than the average bear if I forget to eat, and I've never been able to figure out why. I don't get grumpy, I become utterly devastated, and verging on SI.

I think I've realized that not eating might stir up a lot of my childhood neglect in my body somehow. Like the grumbling stomach/exhaustion puts my body on high alert that bad things are going to happen. Has anyone else noticed this? I was sitting in my car and realized I felt tiny and scared, and then started to wonder if this might be flashback territory. I think I need to put self-care into serious priority for more than even the basic reasons maybe.

 

[franciemarnie]

So glad you are aware of crashes from lack of food. Me too.

I was nauseous all thru childhood with stuff going on and remained mostly nauseous as an adult. People would say, How do you stay so slim? I'd say, Im too nauseous too eat.

Nowadays I am super aware and eat pretty healthy. If I am going to have sugar, say chocolate - I follow it up with a protein or take a moderate level walk or both to even out the blood sugar so I don't have those crazy ups and downs. Have enough as it is!

Without a doubt, what we eat or don't eat affects us emotionally. It took me decades to realize and do something about it.

 

[stuff]

Yeah. I think mine stems a lot from being hungry as a kid. It's like it flips a danger switch in my head.

 

[HOPEFULHEART82]

Yes!

 

[Dee Morris]

Wow, I never made the connection before but yes.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It could be related to a dip in blood sugar. Food (sugar) can cause my anxiety to spike, so it is reasonable to assume that the opposite may be true for others as both are deviations from normal blood sugar levels.

 

[gone]

I recently figured out that I sleep better (longer) if I eat a substantial snack right before bed. Fall asleep after nightmares faster.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't get grumpy, I become utterly devastated, and verging on SI...

I think I've realized that not eating might stir up a lot of my childhood neglect in my body somehow. Like the grumbling stomach/exhaustion puts my body on high alert that bad things are going to happen. .. I realized I felt tiny and scared, and then started to wonder if this might be flashback territory.

Wow Stuff, yes I do think I follow you and I do think this is huge.

It came to me about a year ago that the single largest thing I seemed to be able to do to ameliorate the ptsd was watch on a moment-by-moment basis for things that increase stress (not eating, no sleep, etc), that is to 'check in' with myself as I started to feel down and ask myself (if I did) if any of those were lacking.

I agree with the others as far as low blood sugar can go, but I think your description..SI.. feeling tiny and scared, etc, does point to an emotional flashback. I think you have discovered a huge key, one that will apply to other areas of self-care that have nothing to do with eating. I can equate it to being cold, too, for example.

Similarly, I thought I was dissociating perhaps when I would 'lose direction' coming out of a store and such, when I didn't have a 'plan' of where to go. I realize now it's more like a panic attack/ emotional flashback, the fear of 'getting lost' when left as a child and trying to find my way out/ home on my own (and doing poorly at it).

I also figured out that's why some things from long(er) ago feel recent: the fear (emotion) etc. is 'current' (not a memory but 'feeling' it as though it were occurring 'right now'), whereas my mind knows cognitively the facts are I'm older, the circumstances are different, and such things.

 

[bell]

@stuff, whoa! Just wanted to say kudos to you for uncovering this! However sucky the actual experience was, it is wonderful that you (like @Junebug said) "uncovered a key" to healing! Yeah! Way to go!

 

[stuff]

Thanks guys. I really feel like I had a bit of a breakthrough.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

My husband has noticed over the years that my anxiety is worse it I haven't eaten all day. He says I will tremble too which I have noticed.

I do think there are some issues lately with my blood pressure though in the last few months. I am often lightheaded, dizzy or feeling faint these days.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes and adrenaline surges might preclude some thoughts, I think. Well, I just notice it seems very state-dependent often for me.

I think that's why 'happy surprises' are nice too, not just for the obvious but it interferes with thoughts but also bodily reactions.

Dear @Ayesha , I think mine went from high to low for a while, I would have to just about sit down in the street! ((((((((Ayesha))))))) :hug: