Voiceless1
New Here
Someone said, “Happy Mother’s Day. You must be somebody’s mother.” I smiled, said thanks. The next day I woke up trapped in an anxiety episode that was extremely intense. I was so fearful I would be forgotten, which I was for most of the day. I normally would not feel this way. In fact, I’d feel the opposite. But I could not feel anything but terror.
My Dad left my Mom when I was 16. He refused to have anything to do with me or her. I was sobbing on my 17th birthday because he didn’t even send a card and when I called him, he said to me, “Don’t call me again.” I hugged my husky and said, “You’re my only friend.” My Mom who was very jealous said I needed to say goodbye because the next day, she is going to give him to a nice couple. (Retaliation). I hugged him goodbye but hated my Mom for that.
The house was paid for, there was no financial hardship, I told her I’d get a job to pay his bills and food and she refused. My Mom held on to the lie that she gave the dog to a couple, until she got Alzheimer’s and couldn’t keep her stories straight and remember her lies. She divulged that she had him put to sleep.
She died 3 years ago. My relationship and trust ended with both parents on my 17th birthday. She destroyed me. My Dad destroyed my self esteem. My Mom destroyed my heart.
This week, when someone greeted me for the holiday, I woke up playing out a script that was not mine, yet it had me completely under its control, Now, I don’t trust myself at all, to be able to recognize triggers and control my behavior.
My Dad left my Mom when I was 16. He refused to have anything to do with me or her. I was sobbing on my 17th birthday because he didn’t even send a card and when I called him, he said to me, “Don’t call me again.” I hugged my husky and said, “You’re my only friend.” My Mom who was very jealous said I needed to say goodbye because the next day, she is going to give him to a nice couple. (Retaliation). I hugged him goodbye but hated my Mom for that.
The house was paid for, there was no financial hardship, I told her I’d get a job to pay his bills and food and she refused. My Mom held on to the lie that she gave the dog to a couple, until she got Alzheimer’s and couldn’t keep her stories straight and remember her lies. She divulged that she had him put to sleep.
She died 3 years ago. My relationship and trust ended with both parents on my 17th birthday. She destroyed me. My Dad destroyed my self esteem. My Mom destroyed my heart.
This week, when someone greeted me for the holiday, I woke up playing out a script that was not mine, yet it had me completely under its control, Now, I don’t trust myself at all, to be able to recognize triggers and control my behavior.
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