Well meaning friend or overburdened friend?

[SeekingAfrica]

So I have a good friend with whom we mainly have online relationship now due to moving to different countries. But we have been friends for a long time which can be both strength and weakness.

I haven't been doing well this year, sort of few good few bad months. I have also been struggling for many years up and down (since PTSD) which of course leads many people to have an opinion over what will get me better, it has also lead to learning a lot, coping with a lot, ups and downs and generally I'm proud of what I've learned. Sometimes I'm ashamed of what I haven't or think I should quit some or other part of my life. I also tend to think I'm too much for people, nevertheless I've been blessed with several long term friends and lots of people support. Due to my poor background and then the instability work-wise due to PTSD and anxiety, I think it has lead to lack of access to support other's have and hence leaning more on personal supprt(internal and external- self care, meds and friends). Could that be too much? I never mind if it's too much for someone I don't know, but hurting a good friend would hurt me more than hurting myself.

Now today in one of our chats I said I appreciate her checking up on me and she said 'no need to mention, but when you;re better we'll have to talk about some things.'
'We need to talk' is pretty much never good, but as a person with really good imagination, sometimes the anticipation towards it is almost as bad as the thing itself if not worse. I obsess about the conversation or what the topic could be, I obsess over what I\ve done and what could have done different. I get sick to my stomach and shaking.

I know she means well because she knows I'm in a hard mental health and life situation- but the anxiety might end up a worse pill to swallow.
I gently suggested we chat about it(not need for immediate responses so we can be fair and unbiased and I can be less emotional) or suggested that she says the topic and I tell her if I can handle it.

Meanwhile I am obsessing over it.
I mean if she wanted to talk to me when I'm better, knowing I have anxiety maybe don't bring it up until then? Not 'we need to talk in the indefinite future when you're better because it's important'...
I have enough things to obsess over but as a chronic over thinker this is one of the worst sentences.

 

[Charbella]

I would just come out with it and tell her that your brain is not able to just file that comment away. She either needs to tell you or not tell you because in the meantime you’re building it up to be a life changing event. She can always tell you now and then discuss it later. True friends are required to get me and if my boss can be trained not to do crap like that so can my friends.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

She can always tell you now and then discuss it later.

You were right, thank you.

We did that just now thankfully. And yes, as suspected the things my mind was cooking up were way worse. It is serious conversation, but I understood her viewpoint of why discussing it while I'm in this state will not be so helpful. And it was not nearly as bad as the dozen things I imagined.
Anxiety, what can I say. Especially at the moment.

But I did also remind her that fact and she realized it too, that unless she wants to discuss it soon, saying it the way she did was counterproductive.
Thankfully good friends are more understanding.
Issue resolved. This particular one of what and when we should talk about it, anyways.
Still drowning in an ocean of other ones.