We're At It Again And I Don't Know What To Do

[ScubaChick]

My boyfriend is the unfortunate target for 99% of my issues with PTSD and depression. We had a joint meeting with my therapist last week and the entire week was argument free…up until last night. I came unglued on him again for no valid reason. Sure, I had reasons but now that I sit back and reflect it was totally pointless. I have this problem with telling him that he doesn’t do enough, I feel forgotten, I’m not important etc. Yes, I really do feel that way sometimes and that it is justified but I think that that feeling is normal when you’re in a relationship with someone who has two kids from a previous marriage and their lives take up a lot of time, especially when they’re both in baseball and it’s regional tournament season. I can't help but feel forgotten or pushed aside...like my life and our alone time together isn't important. I also have problems when we do get into a fit with him discussing the issue with me. I never yell at him as it is not my nauture to do so so it’s not like I back him into a corner but sometimes I’ll talk and it’s a complete one sided conversation. I usually don’t even care if we reach an agreement or middle ground; I just want him to understand WHY I am up set or feeling the way I do. 70% of the time he sits in silence which to me is very immature and rude for a 41 year old man to do. Last night we went almost 5 minutes with total silence while I waited for him to reply to me. I don’t know if any of this is normal when comes to PTSD sufferer/care giver relationships, but I feel as if all of this is due to my low self esteem and other personal issues relating to my PTSD and depression. Just when I think I’ve figured out what my triggers are something else comes along and I blow. I feel so bad and I truly hate myself for the way I treat him…but I don’t know what to do or how to make him understand anything. (Ah, here we go with me trying to push blame on myself and myself alone...UGH!!!:stupid:)

I hope my rambling makes sense. I’m at a loss here and don’t want to lose the one thing in my life that IS good. I just want some insight from others that either a) I’m not alone and/or b) there’s a way to get around and past this ugliness.

 

[Nicolette]

Rather than trying to make him understand why not try something different???...........have you thought about going to the baseball and show an interest and compromise to do the things that matter to him? He may feel that you require a lot of hard work due to your PTSD as there are always two sides to a coin. Sometimes someone has to be the one to make the first step to try and change things for the better......it's not about blame......its about working out a compromising situation as that is what a relationship need to be in order for two people to be happy most of the time.

Also, if you want things to change, I suggest you try to work on saying what you thing rather than backing into a corner.......if something is broken and you don't tell anyone how can they help you possibly fix it?

Good luck.

 

[Inouk]

Dear Scuba-First of all, you are important. Second of all, you probably talk too much. Please take a deep breath, know you are loved and follow Nicolette's advise. She is bang on! Good luck. Inouk xx

 

[Greenwaterbaby]

You're not alone! I do this! I get needy and over-demanding, especially when the poor sod is usually soooo giving that when he acts normal I think its not enough and he doens't care enough, and so the circle begins again...and he has three kids. All gorgeous and undemanding and I always came first really.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and view it from the outside. Hard to do when you're anxious, but you can train yourself to NOT REACT, RESPOND. Or so I'm told...

Easy advice to give, not so hard for me to take myself though ;-) Good luck, let us know how it goes.