Were There Things You Felt You Needed To Accomplish After Therapy?

[J.L. Pitts]

I went through PTSD therapy for 3 years with great results. That was in 92-95. After therapy i felt pretty assured of my mental health.but there was like this vast wasteland between me and society. It was just things I never learned as a child that I needed help in a few areas but there was no one that could coach me through those times and make sure I was on the right track. Therapy had done what it was supposed to do. But I had to learn to interact with society again from a different viewpoint. Did anyone out there have areas that they feel therapy did not cover but they did need guidance to get to some of the goals you set for yourself? I trusted my husbands co-workers I think because they were all soldiers and made me feel protected. But I had to learn how to NOT be hyper vigilant and relax in public situations, I had to learn how to make friends with good strong boundaries that we both respected and not accept friendship because I was lonely and desperate. I had to learn so many different things that had nothing to do with therapy. Did anyone out there have anything they had to learn even though therapy had done what it was supposed to do?

 

[Changing4Best]

I had to learn to say NO when I felt like saying it. It had been beaten out of me when I was abused and molested, so it was not part of my vocabulary even after many years of therapy. Finally I said NO to something, I don't recall what. The thing I said no to was insignificant, but being able to say it was not insignificant at all!

Someone can still coax me into something, especially with positive comments about something I do well (like singing) and so after many requests and cajolings from our church's choir director, I finally did join the choir, even though I can hardly read music. I do however, pick up on a tune very quickly, so when we practice during our weekly practice session on Wednesdays, I know the tune perfectly very quickly. I love being in the choir now and I am glad I joined.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd say most definitely, YES! That's sort of the stage that I'm at right now. I mean I've done my trauma processing (for much of my trauma) and now I'm out of therapy and learning many, many things that you can't learn in therapy, rather must gain through life experience alone. It feels very much like a guessing game at times as there are no real hard and fast rules, and when you feel like you grew up in a house of mirrors, its hard to trust what is real and what is merely another illusion.

I spent my entire childhood/adolescence just trying to keep myself safe. Of course that meant that while other people were learning the ins and outs of social interaction, I was preoccupied with still learning the very basics. (In regards to the pyramid of needs, safety is near the bottom, and unless you have "mastered" safety, you don't really move up the pyramid to other things, ie social needs.) Now that I'm finally feeling a bit more safe, I am completely clueless when it comes to relationships and social interaction. Of course "normal" (ha) people don't understand this as safety is something that most aren't even aware that they possess in the first place as its taken for granted, a given if you will.

I've been out of therapy for about a year and a half or so now. I have learned a LOT (and even that is probably an understatement, lol). Its given me time to figure out things on my own without training wheels and less of a safety net. I'm glad I had this time on my own as if I was in therapy the whole time, I'd never know what I was truly capable of. I am now to the point where I have a symptom that I still need help with so I am going to start up therapy again (for that issue alone as I never got help with it in the past). But, I still feel like I have a lot to learn on my own, outside of therapy.

 

[J.L. Pitts]

Thank you so much. I want to learn about all the things people needed to learn especially after therapy and find a way to help them. I just remember this vast wasteland between me and society. Because they can never comprehend that you were so abused that finding a hiding place was more important than building social skills.. I learned all about boundaries in therapy but I felt like I needed a guide to put them into place with each thing I encountered. And I was totally afraid of failing and holding down a job.. You know like a mentor that had been through what I was facing.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Wow, I am really glad you started this thread! I have felt so alone on the not developing social skills thing and this thread makes me realize I'm not the only one who has struggled with this into adulthood.

 

[J.L. Pitts]

I am glad I did too. I think we just silently try to push our way through a world that may know our diagnosis but have no idea with little things they learned as children that we have to learn and integrate as adults.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Awesome thread.

In some areas I am quite good in other areas I fail. Currently my biggest problem is boundaries with myself and with friends and in relationships. Also, identifying and expressing feelings especially negative feelings.

Here are two books that I find helpful:
Lifeskills for Adult Children
and
An Adult's Guide to What's Normal

The first one is written with regards to Adult Children of Alcoholics but it applies to any type of dysfunctional family.
Lifeskills for Adult Children has the following chapters:

1. Making Contact with Others
2. Expressing Feelings
3. Active Listening
4. Asking for What You Want
5. Giving Others What They Wany
6. Solving Problems
7. Asking Others to Change Their Behavior
8. Handling Criticism
9. Establishing and Defending Boundaries
10. Fighting Fair
11. Ending Conversations, Ending Visits
12. Ending Relationships

An Adult's Guide to What's Normal has 58 chapters so I won't list them here.

Please share books are types of therapy that helped you with this topic or anything else that helped you.

Thanks

 

[anthony]

Were There Things You Felt You Needed To Accomplish After Therapy?

Yep... getting a grasp and control over PTSD and recurring trauma from haunting me further.

 

[J.L. Pitts]

Actually I am going to try and do something about this. I'm going to go to school to learn n how to to be able to guide a person into being a well rounded person and be that person that helps people like us with these kinds of issues. Yes! That's what I am going to do! There is a void that we absolutely need filled. I am going to look into Life Coaching and I know that with the proper training any of us can learn to be a coach and help ourselves learn how to make and reach goals in societal issues in hyper vigilant issues in issues that were never even taught to us that are normal things people do. Do you know I had to learn it was actually safe to sleep in a bed? I have a friend who went through 6 years of therapy that had to learn how to use forks, knives, and spoons. It was horrible for her until we became close she never ate in public. Once it was explained she was like wow okay that is so simple. but she was still nervous in public so we took a few trips out at different times of the day and different restaurants and she conquered the fear! It is not fair there are so many little things that we have to learn I was so embarrassed when I met my husband. But I know God sent him straight to me because I learned so much about regular things and he never made fun of me or even acted shocked if I said I didn't know how to do something. My whole life I have been unable to work for long periods of time the longest time was like 18 months and there was a robbery at the store and I had to meet the police there and they checked everything and the bathroom door was locked because it was for employees only so they never checked it and I went to the front and counted the cash in the safe and it was all there. They broke through our store to get into the store next door that had all these fancy car alarm systems and lighting they stole some food and x-rated movies (it was a video store back when they were big) the private room wherre the bad movies were kept is where they tried to get through at first and couldn't do it. Then as I was walking back to use the bathroom while the police were all outside the bathroom door opened and 4 of them came out and made a run for it out the back door. So I started screaming for the police and they did catch them but I was really traumatized but I kept working there trying to make myself face it but the company WOULD NOT fix the whole in the wall in our business the other business took all kinds of precautions but every night when I had to go put up movies and had to enter that room it just became too much and I loved that job but it was very traumatizing to someone who came from a background of childhood mental, physical sexual abuse and rape. I just could not feel safe there anymore. I don't even know why I told that story but I can do this if I get proper training I can do this. And it will help me feel good to give back. What do you think? I mean it is embarrassing not knowing simple every day things or how to set boundaries with people in our lives whether we want to share our story or never share our story. I feel kind of empowered right now that I could take on a project like this. I am going to give it some thought and a lot of prayer and see if I could really do this.

 

[The Albatross]

I did about 4 years of self study... and have benefited... in some fundamental ways. Sometimes big, sometimes "just barely noticeable differences"... but there is progress to be had in studying areas where we self examine and are found to be unequipped/stunted/lacking. Great post by the way.

 

[The Albatross]

To @UniversalBeing post I would add emotional regulation, Universal acceptance as described in REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) techniques, CBT/DBT and spontaneous resilience.

 

[J.L. Pitts]

This is a scary feeling , well maybe not to some people but I am in charge of my life for the first time in my life. It makes me want to come completely out of the cocoon!