Were There Things You Felt You Needed To Accomplish After Therapy?

[sun seeker]

Actually I am going to try and do something about this. I'm going to go to school to learn n how to to be able to guide a person into being a well rounded person and be that person that helps people like us with these kinds of issues.

Awesome idea.

When I read the first post in this thread I didn't relate so much, but as I read more of the thread I get what you mean and feel this is a very important niche that has been ignored. The reason I didn't relate at first is I never thought about these skills as necessarily something coming after therapy. For me, I still haven't found a therapeutic relationship that feels like it's helping me a whole lot (not for lack of trying) but parallel to that I've noticed for decades that there are skills normal people seem to have naturally that I either don't have or have acquired through painstakingly thinking them through and observing what other people do. Even as a child I used to think everyone went to a special school before coming into the world, sort of a "Life on Earth 101" and I had missed it.

Two suggestions come to mind, if you are going to do this seriously. One is a parenting class for people who were abused or neglected as children and want to do better with their own children but aren't sure what normal parenting is supposed to look like. Lots of us, I think, end up in that situation with a good will having an idea of what not to do, but a hazier idea of what to do instead.

The other is a class in basic safety for people with hypervigilance issues. I think I'm not the only one with this problem: due to being on the lookout for danger all the time, my body is producing adrenaline so randomly that very often I am not sure when something actually is dangerous and when it's safe. I think there is also an element of not having had anyone take the time to explain things to me.

Are these the kinds of things you are thinking of?

 

[shimmerz]

but I felt like I needed a guide to put them into place with each thing I encountered

This is so true. I feel like I am so ungrounded at this point in myself because myself has done a quantum shift in little or no time. I am finding it very unnerving as I don't know how to live this life right now and need practice. That probably makes no sense to anyone but myself...:confused:

I did about 4 years of self study... and have benefited... in some fundamental ways. Sometimes big, sometimes "just barely noticeable differences"... but there is progress to be had in studying areas where we self examine and are found to be unequipped/stunted/lacking.

I have been doing this as well. I feel like a kid in school again. I am teaching myself to learn (which is a skill I lost in the PTSD). It is like my brain is a blank slate in so many areas because I have unlearned so much, I now need to learn what I feel are healthy replacements.

I am going to look into Life Coaching

I am doing this as well. May I PM you about this?

 

[J.L. Pitts]

Sun Seeker, Excellent Ideas! For the Parenting Course I can use the motto i have lived by in my own way to parent...You can't just do it "better than Your Parents and think everything will turn out okay You Have to Do it Right! I have heard so many times "At least I didn't do to my kids what my parents did to me" But the truth is that is NOT GOOD Enough My goal was to Parent my child in the Right way not just better than my parents did! Cool idea can I use that idea? I have been looking at Life coaching sites all morning and boy do they want big money to get you trained! I have found one that I think I am going to use. It is still pricey but has an actual free trial period and will let you finance the course and Sun Seeker they have an Add on where you learn to be a group . If i could do this It will be the major accomplishment of my life!

And i immediately thought about the hyper vigilant area. that will take a lot of work but it can be done!

Shimmerz I am brand new to this website and I did not know you could PM but I am all for it!

 

[sun seeker]

Of course, the life coaching course isn't going to cover all the areas you need since your angle is new (as far as we know). It's probably a good idea anyway, it will give you some training and the credentials people will respect. For the rest of it, talking to people who have had the need, as you are doing now, coupled with all the reading you can do on the subject, should help. For instance, your life coaching course isn't going to cover hypervigilance.

The thing about it not being good enough to do better than your parents hit home, rather painfully. I wish I'd had this opportunity 20 years ago. It took me doing a lot of things wrong raising my daughter to realize that deciding not to do the same things your parents did wrong is good, but only half the battle. If you haven't been able to work through your trauma, it will come out in other ways anyway. I was neglected and wasn't going to do that to my daughter, so she feels I overprotected her and didn't allow her enough privacy. If I had been able to see her needs as separate from mine instead of working through my own issues through her, I would have done a better job and we would have a better relationship today. Looking back, I did the best I could with what I had, but it wasn't good enough and it hurts to recognize that.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I would suck as a life coach or shrink. Still too much of a sponge... but I'm glad I know that about myself today. I apply all effort to management - life/situation/intrapersonal relation management... and give myself a pass on the career/vocation. I need my stability more than I need a few (or more) dollars and to save the world.

I am a first responder/rescuer type. I do what needs doing, and am sparked to respond in a crisis... but having said that I have to manage it on the back end and that is a tad problematic. Recovery-wise... I am of no good use to myself or others unless I manage myself.

How glad am I that I did the work and know my limitations? Priceless.

 

[anthony]

Life coaching is a saturated market... everyone is trying it and most are failing. Why? Because who says you're better at something than someone you're trying to coach!

 

[ms spock]

I went through PTSD therapy for 3 years with great results. That was in 92-95. After therapy i felt pretty assured of my mental health.

Wow that is amazing.

I had to learn how to make friends with good strong boundaries that we both respected and not accept friendship because I was lonely and desperate.

That is a great achievement. I haven't got there yet.

Did anyone out there have anything they had to learn even though therapy had done what it was supposed to do?

I don't know as I haven't quite got there yet.

 

[StellaBlue]

To @UniversalBeing post I would add emotional regulation, Universal acceptance as described in REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) techniques, CBT/DBT and spontaneous resilience.

I agree 100% that there are so many things in "how to navigate life" that many of us never had the opportunity to learn (or never had someone to teach us). And I know, personally, I spent a lot of time "hiding" what I didn't know...faking it so that I didn't stand out.

I have been in a DBT Skills class for quite a while now - It has been very helpful in teaching me basic emotional regulation / distress tolerance skills that I never learned growing up. It has also given me a sense of control (they call it mastery) in that I have come to realize that I can be in control of myself and my emotions. I also love that it's not "therapy" in that we're not doing trauma therapy (or group therapy, or talk therapy) (I have an individual therapist for that), but rather, we are learning specific skills - all grounded in mindfulness.

 

[shimmerz]

Because who says you're better at something than someone you're trying to coach!

Although if it is PTSD slanted....I would have died and gone to heaven if someone else farther along in the process could have helped ground me. So I think experience along with proper training may be helpful to those struggling through the PTSD journey.

 

[StellaBlue]

I have a good friend with PTSD who, unfortunately lives far away...but we've talked a lot about how wonderful it would be to have a group of folks to talk about how to overcome the challenges of parenting when you have PTSD.

 

[anthony]

Although if it is PTSD slanted....I would have died and gone to heaven if someone else farther along in the process could have helped ground me.

Yes... but are you really going to pay for it? Or pay for therapy from a professional therapist who fixes the root issue as well as does what you ask? What you state is exactly the same thing you get here, for free... so who would really pay for a life coach for PTSD?

A friend of mine here is a life coach, he tried to work his way into another mates business, using all the key words they give you about life coaching, but not saying its life coaching, because people will turn you away. Its like trying to sell a pyramid scheme product / service. When he got into more free discussions before payment was discussed, my mate worked out it was life coaching. I told the other guy, the life coach, it wouldn't work... because even though he ran his own business, he doesn't any more. What makes him better at running a business than the person who is actually running their own business, successfully, already?

Life coach is saturated nowadays... everyone is trying to sell themselves as being better at something, as though they can charge a fee for it. Looks are deceiving in that market, and very few succeed. It was like the NLP market some years back... exactly the same thing actually, NLP was the new pyramid scheme venture to get into, trying to talk your way into someones business to pay you for how to talk to others more effectively.

Not too many of them around nowadays... well... they've given up trying to sell NLP as the cure to everything and anything, and moved on to life coaching as a better name, slightly different methods, but they all work on behavioural psychology turned into a manipulative manner in order to try and get paid for something you pretend you do or know better than another. Epic fail in the making IMHO.

 

[shimmerz]

Yes... but are you really going to pay for it?

From this perspective, I do agree with the saturated market and making money. The prices they charge for life coach courses is ridiculous. That will be a show stopper (or direction changer). For myself, I want to be able to help people (trained properly and using my knowledge of PTSD as a specialty).

If I make money that is fine, but I think that we all know that there isn't money in PTSD. I am not here for the money. I just need enough to eat and a roof over my head. I have had more than the average number of professionals help me pro bono. I have been so lucky that way. I would like to give back.

What you state is exactly the same thing you get here, for free... so who would really pay for a life coach for PTSD?

What I and everyone else gets here is invaluable that is for sure. There is an element missing though. Human contact. I have a group of people here. We have 'collected' each other. We all have trauma issues that affect our living skills capacity in our own unique ways. We 'get' each other. We accompany one another to stores if that is our issue, we cut grass for the other if that is their issue, anything really. No questions asked, no being weirded out or sideways glances because someone can't do something. And we sit and we support/chat/debate/argue - similar to what we do here but face to face. It is super satisfying.