General What A Bombshell..

[newbie2011]

Not quite sure what forum to post this in to be honest :O_o:

I've posted a few times in the past re: my ex boyfriend who's a royal marine and his C-PTSD and both of us struggling with his symptoms which got worse when he started his therapy and I was becoming co-dependent and had to walk away temporarily but he came back to me and 3 weeks ago we seemed to have moved forward and he seemed much better.

Well...bombshell dropped last night...
My ex hasn't been telling the truth it seems - he forgot to tell me he was still married and his wife was pregnant!! He had told me he had been divorced for a couple of years but his poor wife emailed me last night saying she had just given birth to their child a week ago and suspected he had been seeing someone and was really upset. So the whole time I have been in a relationship with him, he has been married and his wife was pregnant, absolutely shocking. I have high morals and would never date someone who is not single.

I am angry, hurt, disappointed and upset and feel awful for his poor wife and explained that we have both been victims as he had lied to us both and to my family. It makes me wonder about his PTSD - yes he definitely has the symptoms and is in therapy but I can't believe how convincing, elaborating and calculating his lies have been, even my friends and family are shocked. It angers me to think I was becoming co-dependent and my health deteriorating and he was aware of this yet he continued his quest for his own selfish gain. I suppose it goes to show that you never really know someone.

Thankfully I took time out at New Year, away from him and spent time looking after me so I feel strong enough to deal with this and walk away for good and realize I've had a lucky escape. I'm in a lucky position, his wife is stuck there with his children.

I want to thank everyone for all their fantastic advice and words of wisdom. I've really enjoyed being on the forum :)

 

[Pale Warrior]

Holy smoke, what a shock for you (and his poor bl**dy wife too).

Take a bit of time to react to this, it might hit you like a rubber band, and do look after yourself. As you say, a very lucky escape!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

what alot to deal with. The feelings of betrayal must be intense. Don't have words o wisdom for you. (((HUGS)))

I hope you are taking good care of you. I hope you are being gentle with yourself. You will get thru this.You sure have alot going on. Try to take it one issue at a time. You are the victim in all of this situation,

Ptsd is not an excuse to do things like this to people. Makes me wonder if he has ptsd, you have to have a conscience and he does'nt seem to have one. Boy did he get busted. I wish you well in sorting this one out and getting your life back on track.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Geez....

I'm sorry that you had to go through all this. I'm also sorry for his wife.

I'm glad that you are able to get out of it.

Like Anthony said in another post somewhere, "Some guys do need to have their willy's cut off" .

 

[newbie2011]

I just can't believe the betrayal and the lies, he spoke about wanting a future together etc and totally reeled me in and played the victim well about his wife leaving him and I did totally love him, hook, line and sinker or I wouldn't have stayed and put up with all the cr*p that I did. My head's all over the place today and I just keep :cry: I feel so empty and sad. Would like to see him and give him a peace of my mind but he'll be too scared to get in touch now. Just makes me wonder how bad his PTSD was after all it must be pretty damn stressful lying to two people and living two different lives, and remembering the lies...that would put pressure and stress on anyone, never mind someone with PTSD.

Just taking each hour at a time, got a friends funeral today so pretty horrific week all round :cry: hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

I'm sorry newbie2011. My beloved says it all the time, "men are pigs, with a few notable exceptions".

 

[Mrs. T]

Newbie. I really hope your week improves. Sounds so awful. I'd be crushed...I can't even imagine. Take care of yourself and try not to look back.

 

[ProudWife99]

Sending comfort, peace, and positive vibes your way, Newbie. I can only imagine the heartbreak you must be feeling. Find comfort in those around you who can actually hug you and know that there are those of us across the world sending you virtual hugs!

 

[iluvdesserts]

Newbie, I'm so, so, sorry for both of your losses. The one with your sufferer is the worst-I really feel your pain. How could he? I don't understand what men think about. Why not be honest? I've met men who wanted to date me and was honest about their relationship status, i.e., living with someone, married, separated, have a girlfriend. They told me where they stood and it was up to me to decide if I wanted to get involved. That's the right thing to do, tell the truth to me and be dishonest to their mates? No, but, I appreciated their honesty in giving me the option.

 

[sisu]

PLEASE take care of yourself after this shock! I was the wife in this scenario about 12 years ago....my ex husband had a girlfriend that I was unaware of and when I was 7.5 months pregnant he moved out to decide if he really wanted to be a husband and a father. (We alread had a 1 year old at the time). I was crushed, mad, sad, etc. I felt like the rug just got pulled out from under me.....and I was left alone very pregnant with a one year old baby. So I shoved every bad feeling deep inside because I was afraid my constant crying and anger would hurt my unborn child. And I couldn't be unhappy around my 1 year old as this could effect her too. I didn't deal with any of those feelings at the time....and I paid the price later. After my baby was born I started having anxiety, panic attacks, depression, etc. My husband moved back 2 weeks after she was born and we tried to make a go of it...but I was already in a bad place and he had no patience for me. I had post tramatic stress. I lost weight, had a hard time going outside or even to the grocery store. After about 6 months I went to the doctor and was put on medication which helped me greatly. There is more to the ugly ex-husband story ~ but no need to dig up dirty skeletons.

What I am trying to say - even though you weren't the pregnant wife in this story - you were still lied to and betrayed. Don't let that haunt your future - address it now so it will stay in your past!!

Take care!
Sisu

 

[newbie2011]

Well that wasn't the end to the saga...a girl contacted me last night and she's been seeing him too, for longer than I have and he's put her through the mill too. No wonder he's stressed living a triple life!! It's unbelievable, feel like I'm caught in a nightmare but what a lucky escape for me.

My head is pickled....what a week!

Thank you for all your kind words :)

 

[Mina]

I'm so sorry you're going through this - and that the other women are, too. That was me about 6 years ago when I found out "my" boyfriend was living with his girlfriend, and had other women on the side, too. Final count was somewhere around 6. At least 3 of us (including me) thought we were "the only one"...and we'd talked about getting married, so I felt really stupid and betrayed. If he was to be believed, this guy was a combat veteran who'd seen plenty of action. I didn't know anything about PTSD at the time, but maybe that played a role if he had it. It doesn't excuse someone from such horrendous behavior, though.

Glad you're getting out of the nightmare. Wishing you all the best in the future!