Relationship What Am I Doing Wrong? Outsider's Perspective Needed...

[Sighs]

I'm not sure how to avoid resentment when you are ALWAYS the one swallowing your feelings. Yes, I know intellectually that he has PTSD and needs a lot of understanding etc, but emotionally it can feel like he is getting a free pass to be an arsehole while I have to be Saint Pollyanna. I think that is a big part of why this forum is so helpful - its a place to vent without judgement.

 

[TheMinsterman]

You have to work healthily on your resentment and get it out of your system, but you can't necessarily do it with him, because he is the instigator of your feelings.

I have a lot of resent for my "sufferer", I feel as though she disregards my feelings far too much to the point we can't really discuss them, I resent the fact she won't listen when I have listened to her, countless times.

I feel as though she has allowed somebody else to dictate our relationship, even forgetting how he treats her etc, I resent that she continues to allow them to do so, with absolutely no recourse for their behaviour.

I feel as though she is not being clear with me, I understand she can't necessarily give me an answer but I resent the fact that she can't at least tell me we may have a future or it is 100% done. Note what I say there, MAY have a future, I can take an I don't know right now that could still inevitably become a no anyway, but I resent that I feel as though I can't truly move forward. If we're finished for good, I can move on knowing that when I am ready I can start dating again, if she just said I don't know I'd not pine for her or pester, but I'd appreciate that perhaps I need to keep that in mind.

Holding on to all this, it hasn't helped, it's caused fights, it's caused issues that could have perhaps been avoided, it means I am holding on to some things, constantly letting that rot away and eat away at me. You have to find ways to work through that resentment, or you'll take it out on them, especially as they're inspiring it.

I've done the same, perhaps its understandable I feel these ways, but I suspect it's pushed a wedge between us that prevents some of what I want from actually happening.

 

[Hojay]

"Everyone gets to call 'time out' when they need it,

I really love this idea! I think I'll propose it when we're in therapy. If that happens...it looks like my sufferer is too depressed to even consider that at the moment. sigh.

I'm not sure how to avoid resentment when you are ALWAYS the one swallowing your feelings. Yes, I know intellectually that he has PTSD and needs a lot of understanding etc, but emotionally it can feel like he is getting a free pass to be an arsehole while I have to be Saint Pollyanna. I think that is a big part of why this forum is so helpful - its a place to vent without judgement.

yes! my thoughts exactly. It's very unfair sometimes, and there is no place to go but here...

I've done the same, perhaps its understandable I feel these ways, but I suspect it's pushed a wedge between us that prevents some of what I want from actually happening.

I suspect that it wasn't your resentment that pushed a wedge between you, but that your resentment was a symptom of the wedge her behavior pushed between you. In other words, I'm sure we're not perfect, but it's all too easy to take the blame when the other is so obviously incapacitate. Problem is though, we're not to blame. Resentment is natural after a while. It takes two to tango, and if one is not cooperating, of course there will be anger.

 

[Snowflakes]

Thank you Hojay and all who are helping Hojay. As I quietly read this thread, you all may very well save my sanity.....and my marriage. Thank you.

 

[talon]

Status quo of my relationship now is that my SO is afraid to speak about "things" (anything at this point...

We are all human being and we will all have mental health issues sometimes in our lives whether we wish to acknowledge them or not . 2 We all have personalities . It is so easy to blame others . In any relationship communication is the key. He cannot hold you responsible for the PTSD and you cannot be in a position to help if your own MH suffers it's like the blind leading the blind. There must be ground rules no blackmail , guilt trips or hurtful comments whether you forgive or not you are not a crutch . You can get through this together but only if you are truly together which means finding a balance . If you want to help the conditions need to be right otherwise it is never going to work . Together stronger . Hope this helps