Supporter What am i supposed to do - combat vet broke up but everything still the same except living together.

[Buttercup]

As a sufferer, I’m not so sure I agree with the try to still be friends approach in this situation...

Thanks @Justmehere, this is exactly what I needed right now.

 

[krisss]

Welp, he called me again this morning at 5:45am.

I answered.

He was like, hi -i said hi - he said are you okay? & i said yes why?

& he was like I had a really bad dream and had a bad feeling and wanted to make sure you were okay, and i said yes I'm fine. He was then like okay, well i miss you & i said i missed him too.
Then I was like are you okay?
& he said no, not really - but I just suffer in silence. & i was like, talk to me - and he was like i cant, I really just suffer alone. & i was like well im sorry then that you cant.

He then was like its really early, go back to bed & i said okay and hung up.

He sounded so sad.

These are the things that make it difficult for me because it's almost as if he is reaching out to me for some kind of help, or is that the manipulation coming to play? UGH.

I should write a damn book.

 

[Teasel]

It's the manipulation @krisss x

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah. He surely needs help. But this is manipulative. He’s trying to hook you back in. To doing what was working for him before but wasn’t working for you, and continuing to avoid more robust treatment.

If you step further back, he’ll finally be faced with his need for help and might be much more willing to get therapy, the help he needs.

I’d send him the contact for the veterans crisis line and remind him therapists are there to help, and then do whatever will help you not take his calls. Taking his calls is crossing into a little bit of enabling him to stay stuck. It will help him more to stop doing this dance with him.

Take space for some time. For his sake and yours.

 

[Freida]

agreed. He is suffering and using you to try to make himself feel better.

 

[krisss]

Need some advice.
So i have a wedding coming up in 3 weeks. The Groom is my friend of many years. All of my friends are going, well a majority. However, my ex (the sufferer) was also invited because he has become friends with my friends as well as the groom.

I've been trying to stay away from him and not bug him about anything, i have not spoken to him in 4 days. ( yes i know only 4 days?!)

We had a run in this past weekend and I unfortunately caved in and he spent the weekend with me. However once he left on sunday, i have not heard a peep since.

BUT, my best friend said i should contact him and ask him if he is going to go to the wedding, if we can be civil for one night etc.

First, we dont hate eachother, so I dont see it as not being civil. Second, should i even ask that being that its not for another 3 weeks? Or should I wait?

 

[Buttercup]

You should wait a bit. And also make it more lighthearted rather than asking those heavier questions. Just ask if he's going as if you'd ask a friend.

 

[krisss]

You should wait a bit. And also make it more lighthearted rather than asking those heavier questions....

How long should i wait? The wedding is on feb 24th.

Also, i know a lot could happen between then and now. & if we dont speak at all, how can I even just randomly bring that up?

 

[Freida]

What about treating this wedding as a practice run for your new life? You don't say anything to him. Instead you go to the wedding and celebrate with your friends. If you see him there you treat like a friendly ex - you say hello and go on with your day. If you share friends in common you are going to be seeing him around. This will be a good example of what it will look like if you don't get back together. And hopefully it will show you that you can go on without him. That may be what he needs to see - that you are moving forward.

 

[Buttercup]

I think you want to speak with him because you spent the weekend with him and now your emotions for him are all amped up. Understandable. Just leave it and let your feelings calm down some.

 

[krisss]

Guys I just found out we're listed on the seating arrangements to be next to each other. I still shouldnt reach out and talk to him about it?
I've never been in this situation i have no idea what to do.

TRUST me, i want to not have to speak to him. But now im not so sure i shouldnt?

 

[Buttercup]

There is no reason for you not to wait. Also still should be lighthearted. As in, oh haha, looks like we are seated next to each other at the wedding. Are you going to be ok with That?

Also, sorry I just read in one of your first posts here you asked me to DM you and I missed that one. Sorry about that.