What Are Good Cbt For Feeling Dead Inside?

[Ava Jarvis]

I'm in the process of going through learning DBT methods, but it's early on. I so far see nothing that addresses feeling dead inside.

I'm not in a chaotic emotional state. I am in a state where I feel like nothing really matters, but am not inclined to do anything drastic about it. There's a huge amount of inertia.

I don't have the tools to deal with this.

Does anybody know what helps with this? So far the Google searches are resulting in really trite pages.

 

[joeylittle]

I am in a state where I feel like nothing really matters, but am not inclined to do anything drastic about it.

In DBT - this is actually something addressed in Distress Tolerance. While you might not describe your current state as distress, because it feels manageable and not chaotic - it is pinging you brain as being not-so-healthy (if I'm reading your post correctly).

You can explore the various distraction techniques. They are all designed to move the mind from whatever he negative state is (in your case, numbness) and get engaged in something that will put you in the present and occupy your cognition. It's sometimes some great stuff. They really aren't at all just about self-soothing.

And, I'm sorry to throw more letters at you - but CBT, in terms of challenging thoughts. You think that nothing really matters, and that thought is causing you to feel crappy in some way - well, like you said, it's creating this 'dead inside' feeling.

What evidence do you have to support that thought, that nothing matters?

 

[Ava Jarvis]

In DBT - this is actually something addressed in Distress Tolerance. While you might not describe y...

Hah! I worked in tech, I am very familiar with letters. I swam in alphabet soup every day :D Feel free to throw more!

Hm, I didn't realize that numbness was distress. That makes sense now.

Anyways. Evidence to support that nothing matters... There is no evidence, it's just a feeling.

Um, I think the next thing is that feelings are not reality. I don't know where to go from there. I mean, I feel it right now, and it sucks.

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Hm. I think the next step after "feelings are not reality" is that "feelings will go away."

Which, well, is true. Every time I've felt a certain way, even if I felt like it wasn't going to ever stop feeling that way, it did stop feeling that way after a finite amount of time.

Hmm.

 

[Whyteferret]

Emotions are a bitch sometimes. We can know they're not accurate but they're still there. How does someone manufacture happiness?

I think this is where trying a distraction may help. If you are thinking about being numb you're feeding it?

 

[Ava Jarvis]

Emotions are a bitch sometimes. We can know they're not accurate but they're still there. How doe...

Yeah. It's weird --- I know that it's possible to feed anger, sadness, and very very very definitely whatever happens during my manic episodes. I didn't think before about how you can feed numbness.

Numbness probably gets fed by inaction and, as you say, thinking about how numb I am.

So a distraction may indeed work.

That or watching some pretty dramatic Clone Wars cartoons I haven't seen yet, which will probably do *something*.

 

[EveHarrington]

I've never personally used CBT or DBT to access emotions when I'm numb. My numbness is a reaction to overstimulation so I tend to migrate toward self care so that my mind feels safe to "come out" so to speak and my feelings re-emerge.

I think that you may have to try a number of approaches to see what works best for you. Maybe figuring out why you're numb would help determine the best approach for becoming un-numb.

 

[Sideways]

Mmm, numb. Sometimes, yeah, emotion overload and "brain says no". Brain starts to allow feelings back in when it's not so overwhelming (which is dumb, because numb is fine with me!).

Sometimes numb is good ol' Depression setting in. So yup, get active - do as much 'stuff' (any stuff really, but especially healthy or meaningful stuff) as you can.

Option 3: courtesy of my T. Maybe this is actually what it feels like to not be so overwhelmingly miserable...:O_o:

 

[The Albatross]

Feeling dead inside or/and apathy is not a chronic state?

 

[joeylittle]

Evidence to support that nothing matters... There is no evidence, it's just a feeling.

I'm gonna be really annoying right now. Bear with me while I throw some CBT your way...

It's a thought - so, the thought is "Nothing matters". The emotion that then follows is "numb" or "dead". Following that, you might have what's called a 'secondary emotion' - otherwise known as 'feelings we have about our feelings'. Reading between the lines, I think yours might be worry or possibly hopelessness.

So: the thought is "nothing matters".

I get this thought, so I'll give you my version of evidence to support it:

• the career I spent 20 years investing in is not where I want it to be
• I have no family
• I have no support system
• I'm not ever going to find a partner or get married
• I can't have children
• People only find me valuable because I'm useful to them.

And, here's some evidence against:

• My cats need to eat, and go to the vet, and have a good life - they matter. If I don't do my part, they suffer.
• I do have a role here on the forum, and it matters, I think.
• I helped a student today
• Someone I know is in distress, and they want someone to talk to tomorrow. I can do that for them. It's not being used, because I'm looking forward to helping. Helping matters.
• This is the life I have, for better or worse. It must matter, because I struggle with it.

I'm always good at more evidence for than evidence against...

And now, after doing that, I check back in with the original thought - and I ask myself, "how much do I still believe nothing matters? How much have I changed?"

In this example, I started with believing it at about 80%. Finishing the exercise, I believe it at around 50%. And I do feel some relief.

That's a super-short thought record, which is one of the tools in CBT. I'm a very flowchart-style thinker, and also, really, I just think. I think a lot. So, this kind of stuff helps me. In one way, it calms me. In another way, it gives me a structure to walk through my bothersome thoughts and challenge them. BUT - I still get to believe they are at least partially true, if I want. They are maybe just a little less true, right now.

Being able to believe they are partially true, still - or even majority true, frankly - keeps me from feeling like I'm just being a good student by doing the work and then saying, 'look, I'm all better' - I'm good at being a good student, and it's not very good for me.

No clue if any of this helps, but hopefully it at least passed a bit of time for you. :)

 

[Whyteferret]

@Ava Jarvis
I really like this song by Ingrid Michelson. (Be OK)

A few of the lines really speak to me.
"I just want to feel something today," (for you not being numb. For me, anything but anxiety)
"I just want to know that maybe I'll be ok"

Anyway, just two lines out of the song. Go check it out.

 

[Friday]

When I don't know what the point is? And the point (for whatever reason) really seems to matter?

- Everything is temporary.
- I don't have to know the point right now. There will be one, later.
- Let's figure out points! :) (plural. As in treasure hunting. This is generally when I start to get into a better mood or to start forcing a better mood.)