Relationship What Are The Odds Of Her Leaving Me?

[Tom Mintz]

I love her and I never will leave willingly. But what are odds of her leaving? Well, and not coming back, like always, so far......yeah! that is my question.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Tom,

Possibly 'high' if she's untreated and much lower if she can find or get help. If she's coming back that's a big (and important) start. But it has to be replaced by something more healthy, for both your sakes.
It sounds like she fluctuates between 'meltdowns' and not; -her preferrential (or 'known') way of coping when the stress becomes too much.

-I'm sorry (you are both) having to go thru that. :( I hope you can find some help, info, support and peace in the articles here and from the members.

 

[Tom Mintz]

This is the third time she is doing this, I really need her to see a dr. And I worry for our children too, they have a mother who frequently has trouble interacting with them. I am constantly telling them, that no matter what happens or what she says she does love them. She also suffers from Reactive Attachment Disorder. But it rips at my soul that I have to tell them that when she is in a mean day. And worse is most times there is no audiable remorse. I love her and I know what troubles her, there has to be something I can do. After eleven years, there has to be something.

 

[Tinyflame]

You are right Tom, especially for the children's sake. Keep telling them that she is ill and that she (and you) loves them without reserve.
Do not lose hope that something will not improve, even if it means thru the actions you must take, or that you are alone- you aren't. Please keep reading here.
I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

What a heartbreak, Tom!

Yes, you absolutely need to get her in to see a Dr.. Sounds like she needs intensive therapy and an assessment for possible medications or other supportive treatment.

You might want to go see a therapist yourself (and possibly for your children, as well, to help them cope). The therapist might be able to help you do an intervention with your wife, to help her get into treatment.

Whatever happens, you and your children need to remain healthy and be supported.
Thinking of you...
Deer

 

[Tom Mintz]

do we need to run are we safe

 

[Tom Mintz]

You are right Tom, especially for the children's sake. Keep telling them that she is ill and that she (and you) loves them without reserve.
Do not lose hope that something will not improve, even if it means thru the actions you must take, or that you are alone- you aren't. Please keep reading here.
I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.

thank you still trying not giving up yet

 

[Nicolette]

You have two threads in two different sections Tom with the same title. I have changed the name of this thread.

 

[catjudo]

If what I'm reading from your various posts is correct, you're 35 and she is 27. You've been together for 11 years. That means you've been together since she was 16 and you were 24. Do I have that right or have I misunderstood?

If that's the case, statistically speaking the odds are stacked against you even without any mental health issues. Add in the fact that you both have mental health issues, communication problems and all of the other issues you've described...I'd say your chances of staying together aren't great. JMO

 

[Tom Mintz]

They say a lot of rocks won't roll either, I respect the highly likilihood of disolvement of relationship. But I will not go out without having tried everything. Where as she is 8 years younger, we have always gotten along great except during these periods. History shows that she has broken twice before, and came back both of them. She has not broken it off here yet, but what are the odds that she will come to her senses again? And before the question gets asked, yes I will always welcome her back with open arms and open heart. I am not upset. I appriecate the odds, I have always been the underdog, but this underdog knows about comebacks. Thank you catjudo