What Are Ways That You Do Not Take Things Personally? Need Tips.

[Tanishq]

I think I am still talking with some passive aggressive people. I can sense their so smart vibe. I am sensing that they want to tell me, look man. I know you now. Do as I say or leave me. I don't like this. But I have begun to accept it. I have no other answer for this. It makes me think very personally. I feel why I can't take truth. Is there something I am missing really?

I have hard times in my life. My parents told me something and I felt bad afterwards. it was their fault of judging me and then they told me you're taking it personally. It is their issue of taking it all personally. I know my abusive parent's can't see me happy, so they take it all personally and go on to blame me.

One thing that helped me be less hurt by peoples behaviour was realising that they did not think or experience things in exactly the same way as I did. For me to be aggressive or unkind to someone means quite a lot as I understand the hurt I am dealing out. But people who are usually aggressors don't think in that way. They are fundamentally focused on the "them" and either don't have much empathy or choose to block their empathy for the sake of their own agenda. It therefore isn't so much about me and is about them. I don't know if that makes any sense but it helped me.

Abstract,
I know this kind of people. They don't tell you what they are thinking and don't talk with much clarity.

I feel very hard to talk when someone is not willing to talk to the point or very clearly.

 

[Abstract]

Jaret, I am sorry to hear that. It is very hurtful. I think there is little point trying to get certain people to change or see the error of their ways. The best we can do is take responsibility for our own selves and state that we disagree and that we will not continue to listen to it. You have to take into consideration your situation when you decide what to do of course. We can't change anyone but we can learn to protect ourselves.

 

[Tanishq]

we can learn to protect ourselves.

Yes *affirmative nod* :)

 

[Tanishq]

"Some people avoid me deliberately" I don't know but I take this very personally. My parents always avoided me and my feelings. They never paid healthy proper attention towards me. They always made me feel like I am small, undeserving and immature. When I meet people like my parents it reminds me of this all. Of course they live their life differently than my parents does, but clearly I feel they avoid me and don't let me express what I think. It makes me feel uncounted. If I say something they won't make sure that they listened me.

I have always wandered to be listened. if I feel unheard I would think I am bad or I must have something very bad.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Abstract, you are right about my dad. He never did change. My half brother said he did alot of psychological damage to him. They got into physical fights, and he had his son committed into an institution. He dropped me off at the police station and said he could not handle me and I was incorrigable. The way his mind blamed others sickens me. The funny thing is that juvinile hall called my dad the next day and told him to come and pick me up.

I was not incorrigable I was being abused. I remember the police were so kind to me. I had run away again and my friend talked me into going home again. I remember her pleading with him not to take me away. She felt really bad.But I digress.

I too go into shock and become a small child when verbally attacked. I freeze in horror and terror and my mind goes blank. I am glad it does not happen to me much anymore. I am beginning to realize something is very wrong with the people that verbally attack another. They lose their minds and are besides themselves, and I think it is them trying to control me. And it works. It silences me. I have protected myself in the past. But it happens so rarely now. I look to myself always first, to see what I did to provoke it. My parents blamed me so much that I blame me first before I come to my senses.

I am still pretty gullible, and naive. I am never expecting to be attacked. When it happens, rarely, it is out of the blue. This time I just treated her like a troll seeking attention and ignored her. I put her on ignore and disconnected from her. There was such a venting from her I saw that she rejected me and we were done. My trust in her was betrayed by her venting.

Thank you for your wish for peace. I think I am beginning to feel alot better now that I have seperated the past from the present. Hugs.

Jaret, I agree with Abstract, we can learn how to protect ourselves. I am sorry you are having problems with your parents blaming you. I think that is a mark of an abusive person when they blame another person and do not take responsibility for their part in things and situations.

You are doing well in taking care of yourself and protecting yourself I think. You speak your truth so clearly. You are a very sensitve and gentle person but you have a gift in speaking the truth to people. You must be a very strong person. Hugs.

 

[Tanishq]

Thank you gizmo for your kind and supportive words. :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

I think I have tendency to make small tension bigger tension. It stems from this issues. I have taken small things personally, so it is obvious it installed habit of making small tension even more bigger than I can handle it.

Does anyone have this problem?

 

[Anna]

Gizmo, I am also or was overly sensitive to people. I would over react badly.

I got over it by toughening up and just not giving a flying f*ck about what people thought about me. f*ck em kind of attitude. So far it is working very well.

I sorted out my priorities, the important things, keep bills paid, keep track of things, work well, housework etc etc..

I am who I am, and if people don't like it well, they can stick it where the sun don't shine.

 

[Tanishq]

To gizmo,

Can I post individual question regarding to this topic(in this your thread)? If it doesn't sound good, Let me know. I will get it moved in to new thread.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Ask away Jaret.

Anna this sounds like a choice you made in your heart. I would like to toughen up. I do not know how. I am very happy for you that you have overcome it. I would love to not care what people thought about me. I would just love that. I will try to cultivate this kind of attitude. Thank you for sharing how you deal with unkind people.

 

[heidi]

Gizmo, this is a small thing. You wrote a couple supportive things in the 'journal' that I had started and never completed and I didn't thank you. It was just I have my own problems that make it impossible for me to be in that situation. Thank you for writing and I'm sorry I didn't respond. It seems like a small thing but given the fact that a lot of people have such little support it's an amazing thing to offer your support like that.

It had actually been bothering me slightly. So now when I saw you start this post I started thinking about how my actions affect others and maybe I'm not consciousness enough. It's not an easy thing to even reach out and be nice when you're a sensitive person and you seem to do that.

Anyway, thanks for being such a smart and supportive person. I noticed you always 'like' people's comments around here thus taking the time to build others self esteem.

I like the wisdom that everyone has contributed on idea that people sometimes act out in ways that have nothing to do with you.

I can apply that to my own life too and my own life through the years. I wish this was something I would have understood at an earlier age. Thanks everyone for contributing toward that idea.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

heidi, I wish I had understood these things earlier in my life too. But better late than never. I have worked through my issue and seperated the past from the present. I feel alot better about disconnecting and going my seperate way. No it is not ok to treat me badly. I have enough self esteem to see that.

It has been a long journey. I have been through the wringer of hell. I trusted untrustworthy people, and I forgot that I can still be fooled. It is a part of life. It takes alot of courage to just get out of bed some days.

I am doing better. I have arranged to put as much distance between me and the people I have problems with. I hope this helps. Thank you for the kind things you said about me. Hugs.