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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Comfortably tired.

Had my last session for the year with my T today. So that's it for 2010. Managed to get through my first 6 months of treatment without missing a single appointment. Feels a bit like the last day of school before we break for summer holidays.

Time to chill and enjoy reflecting.

Dare I say it, proud of myself.
 
Happy.

That almost feels wrong to post in a place like this, but it's true.

I really feel like I've faced everything head on this year and I've won. That's not to say I wont have setbacks and there wont be moments of relapse. But this year is going to go down in my own personal history book as nothing short of amazing. It wasn't fun and it was extremely hard.

But, I feel alive again.
 
Shadowchaser ~ thanks for the hugs!

My holiday's become a bit off and odd, but that's not necessarily abnormal with my family, I just grew accustomed to dealing with my ex's "normal" family over the last several holidays. My mom "had to leave" and that's another story which I'll tell elsewhere, but I feel GUILTY today for laying my emotions on my sister, who is not accustomed to my behavior. She was pointedly asking me huge trigger questions and I freaked out (as in, I told her I would no longer argue and was ending the conversation. Waited 10 minutes to simmer and said, going to bed). I don't want to alter my relationship with her, however, she has no clue what I'm feeling (she does know the facts), and she is pregnant, so I don't want to burden her. It's just crappy but I expected as much, so yeah, I feel crappy. And my birthday's in a week and, well, I don't want it to suck, but I'm feeling dread. Again.
 
Jumping into posting again without thinking...my sister lives thousands of miles away so she only hears what I tell her on the phone....maybe I should be more open....but again, I worry as she's pregnant after recently losing a baby.

I feel pretty on edge wanting this "holiday" over so I can try to work on my own life. Selfish, it is. My 2 yr old nephew keeps me grounded and in the moment,thank God! But also, this gives me a sense of loss for the family I am unlikelly to have at my age, with my divorce and my issues....so I feel BLLAAHHHHH Humbug.
 
P.S. My overriding feeling remains that I need my bf to come hug me, really hard, and tell me how glad he is that I am alive and all that related stuff. I'll see him in a couple of weeks but we're long distance so not feeling his hugs and closeness is difficult for me now, more so.
 

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