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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I've been feeling mostly irritable today and even angrily frustrated at times. Right now I feel much pain and even tensions around my skull, neck and left shoulder. I feel worried, fearful, disappointed, angry and fatigued.

I have been lively, strong, supportive and patient a lot lately, so I won't let this get me down nor last, ..whenever possible.
 
I feel pleased that I ran some errands. I went to the post office and paid for my field trip and membership. I sent off a book to B. I gave away a small bag of clothes to a charity bin.

I went for a walk for half an hour last night. I have been thinking of going for Dip in the Ocean today. I feel a bit ambivalent about that though.

I cleaned a bit of a wall in my Study/ Art Studio area. So that is good. I threw out a small bag of stuff I no longer need. So I did some decluttering.
 
I'm still feeling spaced out and tired by the Gabapentin. How long does it take until it wears off?

Still feeling nervous about my H's family member being home but I'm feeling more positive about the situation since so many people here have given me good, solid advice and support. Thank you all.

I have to leave the house today and do some shopping. Not easy when I'm so hypervigilant. My eyes will be scanning everywhere for the unexpected and I will be so tense and alert. But I will take my eldest son with me and, hopefully, I will be safe.. Driving when on these tablets is not going to be easy, but I have to do it,
 
Detached. Yesterday was a VERY BAD day, so now the walls are up and nothing is getting in. Feeling dead inside is far more preferable to yesterday.

Yesterday started with the usual anxiety. It went down hill from there. When I started feeling like I was haunted and that I was falling into the past I knew I was in a flashback. All the emotions that came with the flashback set off panic. Then I became overwhelmed enough to dissociate. Once I got myself pulled back together I had to go to work and contend with Angry Psycho Boss from Hell. I pasted a pretend smile on my face for the customers and fought back tears all afternoon.
 
I am feeling a bit of guilt. not of something I've done, but of what happened to others because of me. Because of people trying to get rid of me, good people died, and for that I feel horrible. I try not to think about it, but this morning I was trying to remember blessings in my life, and I thought about my friend Romi. She was a neighbor and close friend of several years. The people who put chemicals in my water trying to harm me, ended up killing her and only making me and one other girl sick. The one girl was able to overcome with the help of her husband and good doctors. I was able to recover after a stint in the hospital. But, it breaks my heart that Romi died while I lived. She was young, and just getting to a place where good was in her life, only to have that cut short.

I really, really hate evil people.
 
((((((Safenow))))))

How terrible! I was blamed for someone's death and lived with the guilt and sadness for 20+ years. It still affects me from time to time but I am learning to refuse to follow those old feelings, they don't belong to the new me.

You did not kill your friend a truly evil person did. Your sadness at her loss proves how much you care. You are not responsible.

I wish you peace and I wish I could reach out and hug you. :hug:
 

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