What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

I am feeling really weird. When I snap out of dissociation, comfort eating or maladaptive daydreaming, it is like I am having lots of little electric shocks. I can't work out where or what I am doing. Where I have been? And things from the past really hit me - I guess I am out of denial or blocking. I block a lot. I am blocking a lot less and I feel awful. I am feeling so anxious.

 

[Lionheart]

I am feeling anxious, apprehensive, nervous about traveling out of town tomorrow...(travel anxiety/ptsd). I also feel really sad because tonight, just after midnight, my sister will be gone x 6 months. I miss her so much!!!! ?

 

[Rani G2]

Sad.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I'm feeling frustrated disappointed annoyed and angry. At others and partly at myself. Why is it so hard to assert myself? I'm feeling sad. I almost feel like giving up on people. I mean if interacting with people is going to make me feel bad then why?

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm feeling sad. I almost feel like giving up on people. I mean if interacting with people is going to make me feel bad then why?

I'm sorry you feel that way @blackemerald1 , I feel the exact same also.

I feel sad, because it's a sh*tty day.
Alone, because I will be unless I reach out to someone else alone I don't want to see.
Treated like a freak, to be offered to go to Easter dinner with some woman I 'know' (I don't, since we don't even know a thing about each other or each other's last names)- with 'just her H & teenage son' no less. (And, "(I'm) looking good- are you retiring soon?", when I'm 2 decades short of that option. , at best, even chronologically. ? )
Sad, because I was either lied to, or forgotten to be updated (Idk which is worse? :( ), and placed me stuck in a sh*tty situation, and worse yet, with nothing to help me cope for the week(s) to come. Whereas I would have changed my plans if I knew. And like an idiot, because I should have got up and walked away. Though it had already screwed me for any choice 'for myself'/ own needs.
Triggered, and low level of patience to listen to more BS.
Stupid, because I made poor choices of coping mechanisms, when I could have possibly had better ones.
Depressed, because the harder I try to take positive actions that I have planned as ways to cope, the worse they turn out. And selfish, because I need something to cope, and I should be grateful for what I do have.
Totally despairing that anything matters at all.
Regret I booked days off, worse than a waste, harmful.
Sore. And splitting headache for days.
Had enough of all of it.

Oh wow, haha- ETA just went to eat some Easter candy someone gave me- realized they had already opened it and ate some?, resealable bag cut open. Haha. They should have kept it, not said they went out and got it for me. Soft center enrobed in dark chocolate-lies, lol. Wow, is it just me, or what? I should be thankful it's just there, but thanks, I'm good. Remind someone else they're a POS who won't notice, lol.
Oh well, who cares. Rant over. ?

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry for making the booboo above @blackemerald1 / @BlackbirdSinging :( . But I wish you both the best. :hug:

I feel worse going back to work than when I left. So I feel dumb to have chosen it.

I feel stupid for writing yesterday, but also honest. What do I care about infinite life when finite is too long? Or not being abandoned, when I am. And you can't be abandoned unless you're a child or pet. So, there must be another word- ~'do-not--exist-in-usefulness'-?, or whatever.

I feel discouraged that even saying what I need(ed) was neither respected nor considered. Which is self-pity. But also tells me to get away. Without self-pity, just 'factual'. At least it's another example of clarity, were I wondering.

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm sorry for making the booboo above

^No need to apologise.. I noticed the similarity in our names and have done this myself in similar circumstances. :)

I feel worse going back to work than when I left.

^I'm really sorry..

So I feel dumb to have chosen it.

^No! You are not dumb.. please don't feel that way!

I feel stupid for writing yesterday,

No..you should have written yesterday and it was not a stupid thing to do! So please don't feel this way.

but also honest.

^Yes! And that is healthy.

What do I care about infinite life when finite is too long?

^I struggle with this notion too.

Which is self-pity.

^Self-pity isn't necessarily a bad thing. It gets a bad rap but it's necessary to have a decent amount of self-compassion and pity for our own situations.

We can never even begin to recognise or manage the problems we have if we do not acknowledge our own humanity, tolerances and stressors.

:hug: @June..

 

[blackemerald1]

I've just seen the last of my 'family' off for Easter:
****
Exhausted bc they all seem so intense,
Silly because I should have kept things to a minimum,
Exasperated because I am told one thing and then another happens,
Emotionally drained - too many ppl around for too long,
Lonely because I wanted to tell them things that seem important to me and didn't get the opportunity,
Little bc their stuff is so big,
Frail bc the flu has returned and going into third week,
Isolated - again bc the house is empty.
:cry:

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @blackemerald1 well it sounds like you accomplished A LOT, and not that that is necessarily the last opportunity to speak with them. And thank you for your kindness (too), to me. :notworthy: Maybe this part is also what you need, for yourself:

We can never even begin to recognise or manage the problems we have if we do not acknowledge our own humanity, tolerances and stressors.

Sounds like you managed what was there, very well. Not maybe as ideally you hoped to, but much, much more than you're giving yourself credit for. :hug: I hope you can get some rest and TLC to get rid of that flu. :(

Thank you for saying what you did. It's kinder than my version of, "Just shoot me'. :( But, (in context), it's like the stupid candy- it's all I can do to not eat food I find on the ground- I have to over-ride the experiences of doing without, or fearing it, from short times without and times without the stability of having a place to come home to. So I don't take it for granted. (And) everyone knows most of the time stuff is all re-gifted, there isn't necessarily any thought to go buy it, etc. I wouldn't have cared if they said, I don't want this, do you? I'd say sure, thank you. I'd have a good laugh if they said, I was starving I ate a few, or didn't want the whole bag once it was opened. But to go in to a spiel what pains it required- ugh. Why lie? I think maybe being so stupid to believe it is what gets me. :( Then I think- maybe I forgot and opened it? :( God knows I had already had 2 lousy triggered days. If nothing else, who wants to make anything of it. :(

Same with, why did I believe what I need is considered, even if I expressed it clearly? Like assuming a worth that doesn't exist.

Or like listening to words we're not alone and not abandoned- wasn't even anyone else on one bus I was on, lol. Though, tbh, there's usually a drug-fueled violent incident every day I'm on the bus, so, I should be thankful for that much. And there was only one short flare yesterday on a different one.

But, you know, it's my fault for not having back-up plan(s), or thinking it'd be ~ok. Doesn't really matter what anyone else does or doesn't do, I shouldn't have taken for granted things would be ok.

Thank you for your kindness and words. :hug:

 

[Rani G2]

A mini-slight-micro-Nano level of helplesness... Not the Game I play...Gonna play another one.

 

[ladee]

@Junebug, you are ALWAYS honest about your feelings, your hurts and feeling rejected. I would have been insulted too had I found the candy already opened. Maybe you did open it earlier, but it was still a visible 'comment' to how you were already feeling.

I read an article the other day, that said 'self-pity' can be very important in our healing journey. Because we tend to reject this notion as being self-indulgent and sad for ourselves. But you did exactly what the article talked about!! You looked back and saw how you could have done a few things differently. That is what is important.

And I don't care who we are, or where we are in life, rejection hurts. It just does. Here we are trying to become more vulnerable and get hung out to dry with no communication. I would have felt the same way. Maybe today, be a little kinder to yourself for being 'human', as @blackemerald1 said.

You may not see this as progress, but it surely is. You got hurt. You shared. You looked at the situation again and took responsibility for doing things differently or allowing yourself options in the future. Now that is some awesome growth!!

I know not to use a bunch of 'mushy' words with you, but I do love and cherish the person you are. Right now, right this second.
Lots of hugs to you Junebug. and love and respect. :hug: :inlove:

 

[Tinyflame]

Well @ladee I'd prefer to 'be' differently than 'do' differently, but thank you xoxox :hug:.