I feel a little sense of relief as I attempted to make amends with my ex today. I found her dad's obit and found her married name. I sent a message. I first apologized for being a toxic person in her life, apologized for hurting her, told her that she deserved happiness, and also that I hope she is experiencing that in her new marriage and in her life. I told her I would not write again, but that I am genuinely sorry for past behaviors. I am not jealous of her marriage nor am I wanting her back, but it would be nice if she accepts my deep apologies and forgives me for being such a messed up person. I never intended to hurt her.