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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel a little sense of relief as I attempted to make amends with my ex today. I found her dad's obit and found her married name. I sent a message. I first apologized for being a toxic person in her life, apologized for hurting her, told her that she deserved happiness, and also that I hope she is experiencing that in her new marriage and in her life. I told her I would not write again, but that I am genuinely sorry for past behaviors. I am not jealous of her marriage nor am I wanting her back, but it would be nice if she accepts my deep apologies and forgives me for being such a messed up person. I never intended to hurt her.
 
Content. All the kidlings and their kidlings are coming in tomorrow for a week-delayed birthday celebration that was planned without my knowledge. I hate it when my children are driving long distances even if it's for holidays or any kind of celebration. But having MY family all together ❤️ gives me a thrill that never wanes. The birthday meal is at a restaurant...but that leaves the sleeping accommodations and all the rest of the meals/snacking up to me. Back to the kitchen...
 
I feel frustrated. To myself. It has been 9 days no contact and it has been hard. There is no signs the no contact will ending anytime soon.

Anger-denial-bargaining-depression...

When will I come to fully acceptance of the situation.
 

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