Molly Anne
Bronze Member
Stormy I am so sorry. ((hugs))
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Post starter goingonhope
- Start date
Icon Nikon
Gold Member
(((Stormy))) I feel for you. I never viewed this forum as a place to record a trauma diary. I personally only wanted it for connections, new ideas and information, and help with everyday struggles that encompass PTSD. Although, I know that for others the diary and elaborating more specifically on experienced trauma is a very valuable tool.
I do not recall reading any membership information that specifically addressed who own the copyright to what gets written on this site, though I admit that I may have missed it or forgotten it. I also have not been involved with your exchange with Anthony, so I must be fair to him as well.
I know Stormy that what you write is very personal and you take enough of a risk just allowing members to read such rawness, let alone comment on it. However, it is an online forum and your information passes through many servers before being stored on this forum's server. So, just like email, once you write it and send it it is in the hands of another to do with it what they will.
I wholehearted agree that PTSD is terrifying enough, that what we write in distress one day we might have wished we hadn't the next day, and that "our" words should be ours. I believe that we should be able to delete "our" postings for any number of reasons. There has been much debate in recent years over emails that we write and should the sender have more control, like self-destructing email or forbidding emails from being forwarded ...and so on. And I again concur.
However, the reality is that once you hit send in an email or post replay on this forum you never will know where your words go. Even if we could delete our posts, you never now who has copied them, printed them, forwarded them, or even taken a screen capture shot of them. So, in a very hard pill to swallow when we need to feel safe and secure in order to be vulnerable to heal together, your words are only yours if they remain in your head. But then that is true of spoken words as well, except you can deny saying those. I even had my last therapist refuse to delete my emails (as they are not considered "therapy" notes), and there was not point in arguing because she could have easily printed them or saved a copy somewhere else.
I know that this is little consolation for what you are feeling. And in my opinion one would ask what is the harm of honoring your request. Nothing on the surface, but in deleting your diary thread, the moderators would also be deleting other members' postings, which they might not take too kindly to. I do however wish we could delete PC if all parties were shot a simply note regarding inactivity. I also wish we had 24 hours to review our own posts and delete it them if they just don't feel right to be left on here (it could be replaced with "member deleted post"). But again there might be other issues I haven't thought of.
Anyhow Stormy, I have adopted the same approach I use with all emails, I make my computer name vague, have two stacked routers, route messages through a proxy server, and make my screen names and email addresses have nothing to do with my name. This way I maintain as much anonymity as possible (or more trouble than it's worth to track down). I would recommend that to anyone, since you never can fully know the motives of others (good or bad or impulsive or unethical). As for this forum, I believe, if memory serves, that only other members can view trauma diaries, but you also have the option to only allow those that you follow to view it. Also there is a way that you can write about the realness of your trauma without revealing specific names or too much identifying information.
My mother was my primary childhood abuser, and when she got a wiff that I was seeing a therapist she broke into my house, found the therapist's business card, and scheduled an appointment with my therapist under a false name. And if she somehow saw this site on my computer screen, I know that she would without a doubt join, just to see what "family secrets" I am revealing. Therefore all my computers and handhelds are password protected. I even encrypt my contact lists to protect others' privacy. Luckily she's no genius when it comes to computers but she still tries. I guess what I am trying to say is don't stop utilizing this forum to help you. But do think of it as any other community - you can never be 100% safe, but you can take steps to protect yourself from further harm without walking alone with your trauma symptoms. And perhaps once the shock of what you are feeling diminishes, maybe even the moderators can help you choose the right path for you. And as for this site having copyright to its material (including member postings), part of that copyright is what protects other sites from reposting your diary on their sites. It is kind of a double-edged sword.
I honestly do feel for you and agree with you in many regards. But nothing is so clear cut in the murky land on the Internet. I guess as they say, it always a good idea to read the fine print, but then again the fine print is so hard for our ptsd brains to absorb sometimes. This is especially so when most of us feel such great anguish, anxiety, and stress when we join.
What happened to you was devastating, no doubt about that. And yes, there are lessons to be learned. However, your feeling just are what they are (not to be judged), and I will help in any way I can.
Until then... Please take care, and perhaps there is something you can do to minimize the damage to you.
I do not recall reading any membership information that specifically addressed who own the copyright to what gets written on this site, though I admit that I may have missed it or forgotten it. I also have not been involved with your exchange with Anthony, so I must be fair to him as well.
I know Stormy that what you write is very personal and you take enough of a risk just allowing members to read such rawness, let alone comment on it. However, it is an online forum and your information passes through many servers before being stored on this forum's server. So, just like email, once you write it and send it it is in the hands of another to do with it what they will.
I wholehearted agree that PTSD is terrifying enough, that what we write in distress one day we might have wished we hadn't the next day, and that "our" words should be ours. I believe that we should be able to delete "our" postings for any number of reasons. There has been much debate in recent years over emails that we write and should the sender have more control, like self-destructing email or forbidding emails from being forwarded ...and so on. And I again concur.
However, the reality is that once you hit send in an email or post replay on this forum you never will know where your words go. Even if we could delete our posts, you never now who has copied them, printed them, forwarded them, or even taken a screen capture shot of them. So, in a very hard pill to swallow when we need to feel safe and secure in order to be vulnerable to heal together, your words are only yours if they remain in your head. But then that is true of spoken words as well, except you can deny saying those. I even had my last therapist refuse to delete my emails (as they are not considered "therapy" notes), and there was not point in arguing because she could have easily printed them or saved a copy somewhere else.
I know that this is little consolation for what you are feeling. And in my opinion one would ask what is the harm of honoring your request. Nothing on the surface, but in deleting your diary thread, the moderators would also be deleting other members' postings, which they might not take too kindly to. I do however wish we could delete PC if all parties were shot a simply note regarding inactivity. I also wish we had 24 hours to review our own posts and delete it them if they just don't feel right to be left on here (it could be replaced with "member deleted post"). But again there might be other issues I haven't thought of.
Anyhow Stormy, I have adopted the same approach I use with all emails, I make my computer name vague, have two stacked routers, route messages through a proxy server, and make my screen names and email addresses have nothing to do with my name. This way I maintain as much anonymity as possible (or more trouble than it's worth to track down). I would recommend that to anyone, since you never can fully know the motives of others (good or bad or impulsive or unethical). As for this forum, I believe, if memory serves, that only other members can view trauma diaries, but you also have the option to only allow those that you follow to view it. Also there is a way that you can write about the realness of your trauma without revealing specific names or too much identifying information.
My mother was my primary childhood abuser, and when she got a wiff that I was seeing a therapist she broke into my house, found the therapist's business card, and scheduled an appointment with my therapist under a false name. And if she somehow saw this site on my computer screen, I know that she would without a doubt join, just to see what "family secrets" I am revealing. Therefore all my computers and handhelds are password protected. I even encrypt my contact lists to protect others' privacy. Luckily she's no genius when it comes to computers but she still tries. I guess what I am trying to say is don't stop utilizing this forum to help you. But do think of it as any other community - you can never be 100% safe, but you can take steps to protect yourself from further harm without walking alone with your trauma symptoms. And perhaps once the shock of what you are feeling diminishes, maybe even the moderators can help you choose the right path for you. And as for this site having copyright to its material (including member postings), part of that copyright is what protects other sites from reposting your diary on their sites. It is kind of a double-edged sword.
I honestly do feel for you and agree with you in many regards. But nothing is so clear cut in the murky land on the Internet. I guess as they say, it always a good idea to read the fine print, but then again the fine print is so hard for our ptsd brains to absorb sometimes. This is especially so when most of us feel such great anguish, anxiety, and stress when we join.
What happened to you was devastating, no doubt about that. And yes, there are lessons to be learned. However, your feeling just are what they are (not to be judged), and I will help in any way I can.
Until then... Please take care, and perhaps there is something you can do to minimize the damage to you.
((((((((((Hugs to those who need them)))))))))))
I am stepping within the eye of the storm this past couple of days, watching how often I brush my teeth (thank you Alba!) and just plain old being as mindful as I possibly can. I actually got outside while it was light out yesterday with my husband and we attempted to do the shrub trimming with the Girls staked out there right under foot and chased the nasty neighbors right out :ninja: It was odd to be so visible and stay composed. I got only a little panicky here and there but did it the best I could.
In the end it was "our" kind of job, the kind you look at...tilt your head and imagine it's not quite even but hey! it's done! ;)
I took a bath, got to talk to my Son, Daughter I-L, and 2 of my GrandBoys about their College team playing, how their Thanksgiving went while finally peaking at the gifts I had ordered, hoping they would be okay...I got a :tup: from hunny that all were good ideas and I felt "apart of" for a day once more!
Wow...so difficult to take these steps. So difficult to remember that I can...that each time I come through a collision in my mind or with someone it's possible. This morning I feel almost grounded, not quite. I got shook up when I found some Migraine meds I've been looking for through out this house for months just sitting on a suitcase in my 2nd room yesterday afternoon with no explanation ANYWHERE...???? Once again I don't know from where, from who, or how.... so I'm here but not....I see primary tdoc tomorrow.
I am stepping within the eye of the storm this past couple of days, watching how often I brush my teeth (thank you Alba!) and just plain old being as mindful as I possibly can. I actually got outside while it was light out yesterday with my husband and we attempted to do the shrub trimming with the Girls staked out there right under foot and chased the nasty neighbors right out :ninja: It was odd to be so visible and stay composed. I got only a little panicky here and there but did it the best I could.
In the end it was "our" kind of job, the kind you look at...tilt your head and imagine it's not quite even but hey! it's done! ;)
I took a bath, got to talk to my Son, Daughter I-L, and 2 of my GrandBoys about their College team playing, how their Thanksgiving went while finally peaking at the gifts I had ordered, hoping they would be okay...I got a :tup: from hunny that all were good ideas and I felt "apart of" for a day once more!
Wow...so difficult to take these steps. So difficult to remember that I can...that each time I come through a collision in my mind or with someone it's possible. This morning I feel almost grounded, not quite. I got shook up when I found some Migraine meds I've been looking for through out this house for months just sitting on a suitcase in my 2nd room yesterday afternoon with no explanation ANYWHERE...???? Once again I don't know from where, from who, or how.... so I'm here but not....I see primary tdoc tomorrow.
ms spock
VIP Member
I feel happy that I might be able to belong in a few places.
Sunburnt!
Sunburnt!
ms spock
VIP Member
Like I want to eat ice cream!
AngelaMarie
Diamond Member
I feel grouchy. It's stormy, windy, and cold. I just want to crawl back under the blankets. Now I understand why bears hybernate!!!
Molly Anne
Bronze Member
AngelaMarie, I agree!! I have to drive home from Thanksgiving today and probably really should have left town yesterday... I just want to call off from another week of work and stay with my mommy in her cozy house!!
KP the nut
VIP Member
I feel surprisingly good. I feel at peace with myself and relaxed. I blew my diet slightly last night and I'm ok with that. Today is another day.
D
Deleted member 6617
Feeling like it is time to get up and be productive. Not feeling much like doing it though. Headachey this morning...must need coffee. Better go make a pot and get myself in gear.
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
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