Stagnant and heavy, yet eager and strangely reassured. An odd flow of energies in motion, as if that's a surprise anymore. Ha!!! Must be from the steady flow of ice packs and heating pad applications to keep the random traveling and rowdy pains at bay. Oh yay.
(long ass) Note to cell-ph that I need to see in writing to get beyond the moments of struggle with bodily pain: These particular pains/feels may vividly and scarily remind you of the many times you've felt you had no way to escape, or even live, when the pain was being purposely inflicted by others who clearly wished you harm, but you're safe now.
Your body finally feels safe and loved enough to release the decades of pent up pain and grief. Let it flow, sit with it, see it through, then let it go. There's always another, sometimes just like the other, waiting to take its place. Of that we're certain. You now know how to best soothe, ground, and nurture yourself, so please kindly allow it to actively happen and relax into the process knowing you'll be so damn glad you did.
Actively alter your chemistry for the better via tapping into your breath, by redirecting your thoughts, and mindfully consuming/choosing things for the nourishment of your be-ing that won't somehow create even more "mysterious" problems, be it immediately or gradually. Use those hard-learned tools while you keep learning your healthiest fuels to establish your own best healing rules.
Fighting everything as if my life depends on it, as I was so used to doing, only creates more grief, pain, and exhaustion in addition to the other issues all up in my tissues. Loving things as if my life depends on it is a whole new scene that was somehow never planted in my genes. Be kind and be love, dammit. Give your cell-ph a much needed break once in a while.