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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

Like I'm unsuccessfully swimming against a continual tsunami of all the shit that I perceive is trying to take me down. Is all that stuff really working against me or am I still actively, yet very unintentionally, working against my self? Hard to narrow it all down and sort it out, much less remedy it, some days. Perhaps it was never meant to be sorted in such great f'n detail in the first place. Who knows? Blah-humbug!
 
I feel terrible. Horrible. Talked about the sadist in therapy yesterday. Talked about a trauma involving him. Not enough sleep last night. And then a nightmare of course. I feel flat. Depressed. I know I don't have any patience today. I don't want to talk to anyone. And for the first time in my life I put my phone on silent for the first half of the day. I even flipped it over so I couldn't see it receiving messages and flashing at me.

Ironically I feel like I probably shouldn't be alone. Not that I feel like I'll self harm. Just that I feel that I'm just too down. I guess the best thing is self care. But self care feels a lot like isolating even more. And I just don't think that's the answer.
 

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