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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I did scream. it didn't shatter the windows though, all it did was give me a f*cking headache(and scared my dogs).

I don't think I have ever felt as frustrated as I do at this moment. This relentless roller coaster ride is getting so old. I am so tired of riding it day in and day out.
 
I do know how you feel Jadebear. Try to reach back and grab a good day you can hold onto. LOL....listen to me....damn PH take your own advice.....
 
Oh, the dog here always looks worried if there's something like that from me, then he just kind of leaves.... .

Jadebear-hope it's to to say this to you. You see, I learn a lot here. I've learned things from you, like it's just plain FINE to speak, and say your dam truth with no frills, and take that dignity. Yesterday was dreadful. The ex, it transpires, has some 10 years ago taken a few low-level credit cards out in my name, which he did not pay along with the debts ordered in the divorce settlement. A scumbucket collection agency bought a list of ancient defaulters and went to work with scumbucket tactics-long story but not only did I answer the phone ( never, ever, ever do that ) but spoke my truth in a clearly er, non-pushable-around fashion. It felt wonderful. I need to phone the ex today on this and will not mince words similarly, which will also feel wonderful. That's only, ONLY been possible because I've been here. You're part of that, since you disallow your boundaries to be pushed and I watch these things, you see. So thank you. I'm making this so long because it's illustrative of the difference you must make in people's lives without knowing it- I'm just the one habitually verbal enough to feel the 'need' to express this. It's gratitude, of course.

Screaming gives me a headache, too, but think days like yesterday I'd break windows for certain, if all that could come OUT.
 
Today I feel, very lost within my own confusion of who I am, and who those around me are. How am I meant to rebuild my life, when I am unsure of who I am, what I like, or don't like. I feel very unsettled, and unsure, angry that I don't remember, and frustrated that I am 'stuck' in this. But, I also feel myself allowing an outlet, with allowing an attachment to these negative feelings. Before I become stuck within them.
 
I feel like going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head and blocking out the world. Maybe I will.
 
Um.. recognising feeling is a real tough one for me.. but here we go...

tired. I'm really tired, I went to sleep at 12.30, woke up at 4 and got up at 5, it's now 6. I wish I could sleep the way I used to.. I feel like a schmuck for the way I have been existing recently, I've found that over the last 2 years I go through shifts in behavioral patterns, right now I'm in the isolation phase again.. I'm 23, but I feel like an old lady.. I retire for (pre)bed by 8pm.. where I read or write or draw or whatever then rise at 5 and do gardening after breakfast.. by 4pm I'm exhausted.

Feel satisfied in mah belly.. maybe a little bloated (have some digestive issues from eating disorder)

tense.. my emotional/stress tension always registers in the back of my neck like a lead weight.. which lurches my already atrocious posture forward and closer to the ground. (I want to try some sort of exercise like yoga or dance therapy to work on this)

maybe a little anxious.. I'm supposed to be helping a friend today with his art project but I keep running through whether to cancel or not and possible excuses I could use.. Namely because it befuddles my attempts at structured living.. damn ruminative behaviour. but I am tired.. and I just want to spend my day making art, I've had a massive lull period in the production of creative work and feel as though I'm just getting back into it.. I just want to isolate and hone in on what I'm doing you know? But I know that I should socialize.. Are these all just excuses? damn damn damn.. I don't know.. simple tasks are rendered so confusing in my head..
 
Also! Pottershand! sorry I didn't see it before

Don't pull the covers over.. go to the wheel :) If you are a potter that is.. if not breathe in some air and get some nature in ya.. the world is too beautiful to shut out and you're too beautiful to hide away.
 

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