What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[blogitout]

Try putting some lavender oil on a hankerchief to take with you. Or another oil. I carry lemon oil with me.

Thank you..If I had I would..But I have lotion and hand sanitizer..LOL
I will get some next time I go to the store...Thanx I had not thought of the oil idea.

 

[Iam]

When we start to change the family dynamic the members of your family in it will try and push you back in to the place you have been in. So not only do you do the hard work of changing, you have to deal with people in your network either consciously or unconsciously sabotaging your growth.

Thank you Ms Spock. You are so right. The thing is, I have kept the boundaries (on very rare occasions I slip up) with my mom for many years. In fact at one point I completely severed the relationship for 10 years because she kept crossing them. I think with her, she just totally loses it when stressed and anyone in her path is going to get blasted. So I keep my boundaries, but have to deal with the internal feelings. They bring up all the old inadequacies and it's very hard to reframe them. CBT definitely helps. Maybe I should write out the standard chart: What is the situation, what is the lie that I am buying, what is the truth.

If you can delete the voice mails without listening to them that would be great. But all these new behaviours take a lot of practice.

I know it would be best to just delete them, but I just can't seem to do it. Guess I am waiting for the inevitable "apology" call so that I know the coast is clear to talk with her again. That in itself is such typical abuse and
co-dependent behavior, but at least I have kept my boundaries in not talking with her during these "episodes.

Thanks for your response.....it helped me think through what I have (or haven't LOL) done. I did nothing wrong and certainly don't deserve her attacks. My boundaries are reasonable and healthy and I've done well keeping them!

[quote="Ms Spock, post: 215262" I am still on my L's on so many things. [/quote]
Sorry, what are "L's"?

ms spock

 

[Iam]

Tomorrow I always feel much better.

(((Abelabelabel))) That is probably the best therapeutic thought any of us can have when we are struggling. It helps to hold onto hope instead of spiraling down the drain. Keep up the good fight, you're doing well :tup:

 

[Iam]

Better today. Thank you Ms Spock! :tup:

 

[KP the nut]

Incapable of feeling.

 

[freakofnurture]

Nauseous.
Just stumbled over a trailer for 'The five people you'll meet in heaven' and made the mistake to read a summary of the plot to make sure I wasn't wrongly hating it. It was everything I suspected, and more -.-

 

[ms spock]

Thank you Ms Spock. You are so right. The thing is, I have kept the boundaries (on very rare occasions I slip up) with my mom for many years. In fact at one point I completely severed the relationship for 10 years because she kept crossing them. I think with her, she just totally loses it when stressed and anyone in her path is going to get blasted. So I keep my boundaries, but have to deal with the internal feelings. They bring up all the old inadequacies and it's very hard to reframe them. CBT definitely helps. Maybe I should write out the standard chart: What is the situation, what is the lie that I am buying, what is the truth.

[quote="Ms Spock, post: 215262" I am still on my L's on so many things.

Sorry, what are "L's"?

ms spock[/quote]

Oh in Australia - when you get your first driver's license Iam, you are on your "L" for Learners.

That is so impressive that you keep your boundaries on the whole. Rarely slipping up with your boundaries is most impressive. You have insight in the to situation and you protect yourself.

The internal feelings are difficult to deal with. I sympathise with you on that journey. I do too. It is very hard to reframe them. The standard chart sounds like a great idea. And what a wonderful witty way of dealing with the situation which is also practical.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I know it would be best to just delete them, but I just can't seem to do it. Guess I am waiting for the inevitable "apology" call so that I know the coast is clear to talk with her again. That in itself is such typical abuse and
co-dependent behavior, but at least I have kept my boundaries in not talking with her during these "episodes.

Thanks for your response.....it helped me think through what I have (or haven't LOL) done. I did nothing wrong and certainly don't deserve her attacks. My boundaries are reasonable and healthy and I've done well keeping them!

ms spock

You have done very well sticking to your boundaries. I admire that. I am not quite there yet myself. *thinks* I am a fair way off that - well that is how it feels right now.

And I understand listening to the messages too, the hope that one day the abusive parent will love you and all things will be well. I live that one out in my life on multiple levels. So I project that on to other people and situations in my life. I have no contact - it is way too destructive for me.

It is so hard to give up the hope that an abusive parent will one day change, say sorry and love you. I don't know if I can ever let that go. It is such a big hope that kept me alive in childhood. I might not ever let go of it - but I am more and more aware of how I let it influence my life and my (sometimes poor) decisions.

I guess we can only be who we are in this now. Sometimes we do better than other times.

Not talking to your mother when she is being abusive is so good. You have to be so proud of yourself for that. That is inspirational.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

I watched "The Men who Stare at Goats!" It is quite hilarious. So I am feeling entertained by that.

I am feeling totally washed out as I allowed myself to receive a small bit of support last night and I became so emotional.

I am crying and identifying things.

I have realised, (that once again), I am expecting too much from myself. So I am going to drop back to what I can manage. Studying two courses at once is quite a lot. Doing two graduate subjects in the one session is too much.

ms spock

 

[ms spock]

Feeling rejected....Oh...that's because I was. Damn!
Feeling my back against the wall. I don't do well like that.

Feeling thankful for a sunny day ahead!

It is hard to feel rejected.

Glad you have a sunny day ahead.

 

[gidge]

Angry and confused that I just cant get over it.
Depressed and sad.
Lonely, guilty and worthless wanting all these feelings to go away and to be able to get back to living.

 

[ms spock]

Angry and confused that I just cant get over it.

Heya gidge,

I don't know if this is helpful as we all have our own ways of dealing with and seeing things. I am coming to more a position of kindness to myself (every now and then) and I am hoping that I will get to a place where I accept that living with it as well as I can on the day is good enough - rather than being perfect and healing - so one day I will not be putting so much pressure on my self. I haven't got there myself. I totally relate to what you are saying about being angry and confused about not getting over it. So I am sharing something I can't quite do myself but I am thinking in that direction (for a few minutes each day (hopefully!))

ms spock