What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[Deleted member 6617]

Feeling hopeful for a good day.

 

[The Albatross]

I feel calm today.
I feel grounded today.
I feel a mild headache but will do my self care before the brunch.
I feel surprised I could write down 100 things I like about myself, it was the first time I could ever do that and stay focused so well.
I feel pleased that my husband nodded a lot when he read them and told me I did a good job.
I feel happy with my lovely pink pony "reward" from Freak of Nurture and am really touched that she would take the time to do this for me and others.

I think I will do a new thing, and relax/ground with smiling (saw it in a movie yesterday and liked the idea).
I think I will redo an exercise I've done before "5 Noteable Things" and draw a bead on my general focus (no value judgments, just go out into the world and notice 5 things each day for 28 days)
I think I can shift my focus and smile and be in a loving place at lunch, though they both make me uncomfortable.
I think that I will focus more on my love, patience, and tolerance, than I will my fear, anxiety and stress today.

 

[Sethe]

I was pretty pissed off earlier this morning (been raging a lot lately), but now I'm coming down off it. I'm trying to become more aware of my triggers- easy to say and hard to do.

 

[KP the nut]

I feel surprised I could write down 100 things I like about myself, it was the first time I could ever do that and stay focused so well..

I watching that thread, BUT just can't feel enough to start my own list :confused:

 

[ms spock]

I am feeling a bit sick with a sore throat and a bit nervous. I have an interview with the university psychologist in a few minutes about withdrawing from a subject. I really need for the fees waiver to be reimbursed.

 

[Philippa]

I feel for your brother as he learnt this behaviour from your parents. It is a really abusive behaviour. The whole I love you thing is just a way of getting away with mean and horrible abusive behaviour. This is not okay. He is using you as the scapegoat as well.

ms spock

Yeah, totally. Hopefully he absorbed what I said to him, because I meant it. he once told me that he'd cut me off and never speak to me again...because of some lie mum told him about me...and I said "You'd be doing me a favor" without batting an eyelash. He was trying to make me afraid so he could have some control, but I have never given that to him, and I never will. I'm not scared of him, because he is the one who is scared, even though he acts tough.

It's not ok, you're right. He doesn't deserve my friendship or me for a sister. He's been nothing but horrible to me for the past 10 years, even trying to get me to be in a home made porn film with the girl he was sleeping with at the time...he was broke! What a dickhead!

 

[ms spock]

It's not ok, you're right. He doesn't deserve my friendship or me for a sister.

And these liberating awareness also come with sadness for what was not and what is still not and what will never be.

You are going to have to physically keep yourself safe from your family if what I read between the lines is occurring. Can you move across the state, to the other side of the world or far, far, far away from them all?

I hope you have some good support people and friends.

Such gutsy insights.

ms spock

 

[Philippa]

And these liberating awareness also come with sadness for what was not and what is still not and what will never be.

You are going to have to physically keep yourself safe from your family if what I read between the lines is occurring. Can you move across the state, to the other side of the world or far, far, far away from them all?

I hope you have some good support people and friends.

Such gutsy insights.

ms spock

Been thinking just that lately. I have friends in the states and in Europe who I could stay with. I live in Melbourne, and the brother I have spoken of here is in melbourne too. he is mean, he is a criminal who deals drugs of all sorts and I think he could easily find me if he really wanted to, though I haven't disclosed my address to any of them since I moved.

All my other family members live in canberra or queensland, so they are not a problem...but my little brother...yeah, he's one nasty mother and he's got 10 years of martial arts training under his belt...though I'm not sure how much good that has done him, since every time I see him he's got some new injury from some guy he got in a fight with that hasn't got experience in the martial arts...my brother seems to always come out second best, even with training??

 

[Philippa]

Anyway, we should probably take this discussion to PM land. ..and let it be a thread for expressing feelings again...thanks Ms Spock.

 

[Kintsugi]

Hate hate anger rage wrath fury hatred dark dark dark
Hate myself, hate. I'm so f*cking worthless. Hate.
Disappointment. Confusion. Loss of self, gone-ness, nothingness
Lost, angry, angry, so sad wanting to die
Wish I knew that I was loved the way I am but feeling so dark dark dark.

 

[ms spock]

Good idea!

 

[AngelaMarie]

Philippa,
I know the pain you are talking about. My bio-mom actually abandoned me when I was three years old but would come back over and over long enough to hurt me and confuse me. I tried for years and years to make everything ok. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was never enough, never the right thing. Finally at the age of 40 I told this woman that if she lied to me one more time, if she went behind my back the relationship was completely over. Less than 3 months later she did something that was so bad I can not even talk about it. I live in Europe now and I would fly 1,000s of miles to see my family. I didn't have a vacation with my family here because I sacrificed to try and have a relationship. When I let go I started to heal and become better and not feel so unworthy, Nicolette is right...at a certain point it's important to let go and take care of yourself.