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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I feel pi$$ed off and confused, thanks to my useless CPN who seems to see it as her job to upset me.
I have been diagnosed with PTSD by 2 psyche doctors and the psyche doctor at the hospital wanted me to stay but I was worried about my kids and wanted to go home. I'm now starting to think I should have stayed in as I don't no where I'm at.

Because my flashbacks are very few now my CPN has decided to diagnose me with something else!! I was so upset as I'm taking all these meds and what for? So I've decided if I haven't got it than I don't need to take my pills.
I will do this as I've done it before but that time was not my decision as my doc wasaway and no one would give me them.

My husband is mad as hell at me for making this choice, but as I see it if I don't have it NO ONE NEEDS TO WORRY!!!!

I'm also feeling heartbroken through guilt, as I has such a great time away with my oldest saffy and it was like the old days. Before charlie and angel and I feel so bloody guilty but I honestly can't help how I felt!! Don't get me wrong I love them both to bits but I just never had the bond with them that I had with saffy. It hurt's me but I bet it hurts them more because surly kids sense these things.

But than this could all be tied to the same thing and that's that I feel totally :poop: and worthless.
 
Wow....sounds like a day of struggling for many. (((HUGS))) to all of you.

I've been pensive all day. Waiting for news on my stepmom's biopsy. Hoping the news is good and that her breast cancer hasn't come back again.

A little anxious too. My T gave me some great ideas on possible new careers that I might like. Got online and none of them have openings. Would be silly to spend the money and time to get retrained only to find there are no jobs in the field. I need to figure something out soon or I'll have to sell my horses. Really don't want to have to do that. Going back to work scares the hell out of me though. I just don't know if I can do it anymore....and there is so few jobs out there.

Unmotivated and unsocial. Not sure why either. Doesn't really make any sense to me.

Other than that I am fine LOL!
 
Trying to decide to buy a new dryer or a used one. The problem with buying used is the delivery, hookup and removal of the old one. Decision time...hmmmmmmmmmm.
 
I so much just want to cry. I'm tired of being strong. I'm feeling sad and I'm tired at this hour! But, this just goes with it being nearly 4:30am in the morning and me not having got a bit of sleep.

Besides, I can't allow myself to just break down and sob like I really need to. Doing so can escalate into terrors, states of feeling totally helpless / abandoned and stuck. It stirs up family and is really not preferable, nor accepted.

Sometimes negative reactions to me crying or the crying itself, and/or both, had too often sent me into flashbacks, even rage-like fits (after too much criticism or negative commenting or reactions toward me doing so) and can stir up a dissociative state.

Don't get me wrong, I know crying is healthy and I miss not having done so recently, but these days I believe it's dangerous for me to do so. :(

I like to be allowed to cry, I think it's normal and healthy!
 
((((((((((Iam)))))))))))) I'm sure you'll find something perfect for you!! :)

(((((((((((((marieE.))))))))))))))

I feel tired, didn't sleep too well but saw my fill-in tdoc who wants to try some additional trauma healing techniques on me. I'm somewhat excited but it's dampened as I'm not finding a lot of info on it outside of our area. I'll try it, I've tried everything else and she seems excited. I was very comfortable with her and my tdoc is still planning on coming back at the end of this month :)

I feel torn in my feelings as I feel like people here are part of my support and when one is not well it effects me because you matter.
(((((((((((((hugs for all)))))))))))

Peace and healing,
Rain
 
I feel exhausted not feeling to great, need a new challenge to get me focused and avoid as mood crashing. I know underlying I'm
Worrying sick just don't feel with it today zombie.
 
I am now officially feeling rough, think the new tablet not agreeing with me been itching and burning got red marks under skin on arm where been itching. Feel exhausted and runny nose, streaming eyes. Definitely think the carbamazepine responsible for itching, think may stop it not back doc till end next week. Guess could ring for advice but think may just stop it.
 

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