I'm tired of getting screamed at. Being the target of semi-constant rage or anger is exhausting and heart-destroying.
Sick of raging voice, nasty words, threats, slamming doors. So much for 'home' as a place of refuge. I'm not sure what 'home' is, any more.
At the very least, it's a lousy way to live. As my sponsor would say, 'Unfortunate way to live. But concentrate on the parts that are fortunate'.
That's difficult, at times like this. And triggering.
They are the one that have loaned ('gave it', but that will change) me this computer, so likely I'll be off-line soon, I guess.
For the life of me, can't figure a way to get out of this environment, so that is disheartening and feels hopeless. Beyond the SI triggering, which I recognize for what it is.
I guess I ask myself, why am I possibly struggling this hard, against the ptsd, the SI, etc, just to live like this.
I don't have anything to live for, really. That doesn't change during the more 'fortunate' times. That makes me feel tired.