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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Post starter goingonhope
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ms spock
VIP Member
Thanks Britt.f7,
Please realise that I felt the same about other people in the past. That is the nice thing about this forum is we can be inspired and in awe of other people's progress and insight. That gives us hope and also strategies for change over time. We do what we can today and we tweak and change our process tomorrow.
It was lots of practice and lots of mistakes Britt.f7. Finally I started getting it right.
For me, I had to cut off contact with my family, as they were too toxic.
It wasn't easy to do at first but practice helps. People do appreciate it after awhile as well, because it creates a fair bit of space.
A lot of time I don't want to go to places but as I do cancel some things when I really need to, as I don't often commit to doing stuff that is too stressful for me, the result is I am able to push myself and make myself go at other times (like classes most days) and mostly that works out fine.
Canceling my small Birthday lunch today was also good, because I have had enough Birthday this year. I will take a friend out for dinner tonight and I will have cups of tea with the others over the next few weeks.
I am thinking that I won't go up for a month late November/December as B and I talked about me staying a month when his Dad was going to go into respite care for a two weeks. This isn't going to happen now. I admire that he looks after his Dad who has dementia but I find it very hard to cope with the stress of the situation, now my resources are low around that I might need to take some time out and try again later.
I can't be more than I am, it is as simple as that. I am growing and changing as a woman and a person. I am getting more insight and putting more strategies into place but I can't be more than I am. This is who I am today. So I will probably dip out of going away for the month. B will or will not accept that. But I told him how much my Birthday meant to me and that this is a very hard time of the year for me. I told him the loss of family stuff comes up and etc. I am who I am. I have to take responsibility for what I can and cannot do, and it has taken time to learn how to do that.
I wish you well and feel for how trapped the situation you are in, feels.
Please realise that I felt the same about other people in the past. That is the nice thing about this forum is we can be inspired and in awe of other people's progress and insight. That gives us hope and also strategies for change over time. We do what we can today and we tweak and change our process tomorrow.
It was lots of practice and lots of mistakes Britt.f7. Finally I started getting it right.
For me, I had to cut off contact with my family, as they were too toxic.
It wasn't easy to do at first but practice helps. People do appreciate it after awhile as well, because it creates a fair bit of space.
A lot of time I don't want to go to places but as I do cancel some things when I really need to, as I don't often commit to doing stuff that is too stressful for me, the result is I am able to push myself and make myself go at other times (like classes most days) and mostly that works out fine.
Canceling my small Birthday lunch today was also good, because I have had enough Birthday this year. I will take a friend out for dinner tonight and I will have cups of tea with the others over the next few weeks.
I am thinking that I won't go up for a month late November/December as B and I talked about me staying a month when his Dad was going to go into respite care for a two weeks. This isn't going to happen now. I admire that he looks after his Dad who has dementia but I find it very hard to cope with the stress of the situation, now my resources are low around that I might need to take some time out and try again later.
I can't be more than I am, it is as simple as that. I am growing and changing as a woman and a person. I am getting more insight and putting more strategies into place but I can't be more than I am. This is who I am today. So I will probably dip out of going away for the month. B will or will not accept that. But I told him how much my Birthday meant to me and that this is a very hard time of the year for me. I told him the loss of family stuff comes up and etc. I am who I am. I have to take responsibility for what I can and cannot do, and it has taken time to learn how to do that.
I wish you well and feel for how trapped the situation you are in, feels.
My anxiety is sky high. My husband has just started shift work a few weeks ago, and is on night shift all weekend and I need to keep my boys quiet (which is impossible), so he can sleep. H has been grumpy all week as well and taking it out on me.
I really struggle coping with my kids anyway, so now weekends are even harder with H either working or trying to sleep.
I am barely coping.
I really struggle coping with my kids anyway, so now weekends are even harder with H either working or trying to sleep.
I am barely coping.
ms spock
VIP Member
((((((((((((((((((Shellbell!))))))))))))))))))))
That is no good Shellbell!
Can you take the kids out to the park for the day? Or go to a friend's place so they can make noise and be kids there? Could that take the stress off you that way? Going to an alternative space? Just a thought.
That is no good Shellbell!
Can you take the kids out to the park for the day? Or go to a friend's place so they can make noise and be kids there? Could that take the stress off you that way? Going to an alternative space? Just a thought.
Shellbell, my sister's husband use to work at night and sleep during the day. Apparently it helped him to run a fan or an air conditioner in the room. It might help him to use ear plugs.
Ms. Spock, thank you for your kind words. I have, over my lifetime, drawn lines from time to time. I do not have a lot of contact with my family, but holidays are important, more to them then to me. Too many people for me.
Ms. Spock, thank you for your kind words. I have, over my lifetime, drawn lines from time to time. I do not have a lot of contact with my family, but holidays are important, more to them then to me. Too many people for me.
ms spock
VIP Member
So Britt.f7 - you have drawn lines! So you are well on your way. That was how I started off as well.
Tis hard - having too many people about that are not easy to deal with I agree.
Tis hard - having too many people about that are not easy to deal with I agree.
Thanks for the hug Ms Spock. The park was my plan, but it raining today, so that idea was out.
If it was during the week days, I would ask friends if I could hang out at their place with the kids, but as it's the weekend, I feel like I would be getting in the way of their family time. Plus I have anxiety about talking with friends and can only handle it is small doses.
Just check H's roster and he is off next weekend - thank God for that. And the following weekend he's 2pm-10pm. So that's better than this weekend as well!
If it was during the week days, I would ask friends if I could hang out at their place with the kids, but as it's the weekend, I feel like I would be getting in the way of their family time. Plus I have anxiety about talking with friends and can only handle it is small doses.
Just check H's roster and he is off next weekend - thank God for that. And the following weekend he's 2pm-10pm. So that's better than this weekend as well!
ms spock
VIP Member
Okay Feeling Good!
Cleaning in progress!
Cleaning in progress!
ms spock
VIP Member
Damn it! Don't you hate it when your carefully laid plans go astray? I do! Cheeky rain! *playfully shakes fist at the rain on Shellbell's behalf*
How about the local library or the mall? Reading or wandering about? Ironically if you had a covered, heated pool you could go swimming! lol Good luck with your day.
Loloma I am sorry for your friend's loss.:hug:
Britt and Ms Spock, I do that often. I don't like my mother's family members. All are very controlling and manipulative. They do nothing, ask for my help. Three years ago, I decided not to go their place unless there is very critical situation or they are in need of serious help. They are very negative and their home atmosphere always brings me down instantly. It has never happened, I went to their place and didn't fall in fever, cold, cough or any random issues. I have learned it's due to their lifestyle and their negativity. I don't feel bad for this all because I know they don't care either.
Britt, I understand your difficulty. Family is always difficult.
Glad to know Ms Spock you are feeling good now.
Shellbell, I am glad to know you have found a solution and wish you good reading session now. Bloody rain can't stop you. :hug:
I did iron to some cloths and there are many. I am feeling good, I have ironed ok, but looking forward to do more iron work. It keeps me away from negative thoughts.
:hug: for everyone and to those who are in need of it. :)
Britt and Ms Spock, I do that often. I don't like my mother's family members. All are very controlling and manipulative. They do nothing, ask for my help. Three years ago, I decided not to go their place unless there is very critical situation or they are in need of serious help. They are very negative and their home atmosphere always brings me down instantly. It has never happened, I went to their place and didn't fall in fever, cold, cough or any random issues. I have learned it's due to their lifestyle and their negativity. I don't feel bad for this all because I know they don't care either.
Britt, I understand your difficulty. Family is always difficult.
Glad to know Ms Spock you are feeling good now.
Shellbell, I am glad to know you have found a solution and wish you good reading session now. Bloody rain can't stop you. :hug:
I did iron to some cloths and there are many. I am feeling good, I have ironed ok, but looking forward to do more iron work. It keeps me away from negative thoughts.
:hug: for everyone and to those who are in need of it. :)
AngelaMarie
Diamond Member
I am feeling nervous. Started checking out so, so much stuff for moving! I feel also nervous because my blood tests didn't come out good, so have to take another one and then make a plan for treatment.:(
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
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