Stupid woman. Stupid busy-body. Opinionated cow. Judgmental ass.
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- Post starter goingonhope
- Start date
Red Feather
Diamond Member
Pencil, I'm so glad you found this site and are looking for support. You are not alone and a lot of us know what it feels like. Wishing you the very best. Welcome to the forum.
Thank you Nadia
Worthless.
I was feeling pretty good earlier as my practice run for the fire brigade's point of entry test went rather well, but now I'm quite tired and have my usual bout of night watch loneliness. On top of that, tomorrow is Remembrance Day. Lots and lots of stuff tied in with that.
I was feeling pretty good earlier as my practice run for the fire brigade's point of entry test went rather well, but now I'm quite tired and have my usual bout of night watch loneliness. On top of that, tomorrow is Remembrance Day. Lots and lots of stuff tied in with that.
D
Deleted member 12723
I am having a cozy day. I am under my soft blue blanket and watching christmas movies. I am not feeling any anxiety. Which is a good thing.
SO happy for you!
D
Deleted member 12723
Thank you Pencil.
ms spock
VIP Member
I feel overwhelmed.
Coming in contact with how numb that I am is difficult. I feel like I don't have much of a life. Though I feel this, it is not entirely true. I have improved a lot this year.
I have cut down people in my life yet two of my friends are people who are in crisis and it is a type of avoidance to help them. I am not overly involved but it is not good for me.
Yet if I let that go then I am pretty alone, which I guess I have to face. Gosh it hard.
I have improved so much. I have worked so hard. Yet I still have so far to go.
I will put on some music and start pottering about with my day and getting things done, though I just want to go and hide. I might have a bath and read for half an hour first or maybe just start.
I might be able to turn the day around. I find it so hard to get up in the morning. It is very tricky for me around this getting up at the moment.
Coming in contact with how numb that I am is difficult. I feel like I don't have much of a life. Though I feel this, it is not entirely true. I have improved a lot this year.
I have cut down people in my life yet two of my friends are people who are in crisis and it is a type of avoidance to help them. I am not overly involved but it is not good for me.
Yet if I let that go then I am pretty alone, which I guess I have to face. Gosh it hard.
I have improved so much. I have worked so hard. Yet I still have so far to go.
I will put on some music and start pottering about with my day and getting things done, though I just want to go and hide. I might have a bath and read for half an hour first or maybe just start.
I might be able to turn the day around. I find it so hard to get up in the morning. It is very tricky for me around this getting up at the moment.
Ok, now I'm feeling a bit better. Just had a proper old-school search job. Just me, my colleagues, a paper chart, a radio, two RNLI lifeboats, seven merchant ships and one small vessel with duff electrics whose crew couldn't navigate for toffee.
I feel like a proper Coastguard for a change.:woot:
I feel like a proper Coastguard for a change.:woot:
ms spock
VIP Member
Dear Sheila,
Your post really touched me so I have written some responses. If this was just a vent and you needed to get stuff off your chest then please ignore the below. Just take the care and concern that went into writing the post as my kindness for you. Please note that I am at a low point of social contact in my own life which possibly influences my concern for you.
I am really glad that your friend rang and it felt good for you. It is a really good thing to experience.
That is fair enough. But could you go somewhere so that you have some minimal social contact? I sense a lot of pain from your post. I do feel for you a lot. If you don't meet some of your emotional needs, then your abandonment, rejection and anger will overflow when people do contact you and you will further isolate yourself through this interaction with people and cause more pain and rejection in your life. People on the whole, avoid angry people. Or people who talk too much from an anxiety filled place, like me.:)
It is great that you can write here as you don't feel rejected here. It is important to have people that you feel you can be around and belong to and be understood by. I relate to your feelings of pain and rejection. So I am glad that you are here with us.
There are patterns in families and friendships over who does the ringing. They start when we are small children and often last for life. It seems, that in my friendship groups that I am expected to be the ringer. Were you the ringer most of your life? If you were the social instigator, like me, people have unconscious expectations that we ring. And they don't get the hurt if we (to them) suddenly choose to change the rules and want them to ring us.
Yelling at people usually doesn't change their behaviours, unless it is an emergency situation. In fact yelling at people means that they are less likely to contact you. Expressing anger on the phone is gone and dusted after the event. (But you don't want to do that the majority of times people ring you as they will stop ringing you.) Putting those types of things on social media like Facebook, mean people read and reread your anger and it can be interpreted in many ways, thus the resulting defriending, as you will be seen as unreasonable for expressing emotions in this way.
This is where assertiveness is a better option. Something along the lines of "When all the ringing in the family for contact is left to me, I feel alone and unwanted, do you think you could ring me once a fortnight, for a five minute contact, so that I feel more connected to you?" This approach, or another one, as decided by you and your T could get you the results of contact and connection that you want. I have noticed that changing from the main social instigator to having some calls from people in your social network can take a couple of years. If people do ring, it is important to reinforce that behaviour by making it a pleasant experience, so that they ring again, if we are cross with them for not ringing more often, then they will be unlikely to ring again.
It depends what outcome that you want. If you want to cut your family off - like I did then that is okay. But if you want contact (and it sounds like that is important to you) I wouldn't be telling them this. It will just further alienate you from them and increase your loneliness. You deserve better than that.
The talking the bat and ball and going home and not playing anymore because you don't like how they play is more of a deeply pained child reaction. It might be better to do some healing with your inner child or whatever part of you that is experiencing this deeply held pain before you tell your family about writing about the will.
Rejection and abandonment are hard to deal with. You don't want to sabotage future relationships with your family by ruining your chances.
Containing your own anger and dealing with that might be more helpful to you in the long run than expressing your anger and rage at your family, which will only make them pull away more, increasing your feelings of rejection. You have this forum to express all those feelings and get all that stuff out, which could be more productive in the long run.
Anyway these are just suggestions. I am not able to express to anger to people on the whole so I admire that you are able to feel and express your anger. This is a step beyond me, that is for sure. You might what to choose carefully who you express that anger and rage to so you don't further isolate yourself.
Anyway none of this might be helpful and if it isn't I am sorry. I just was concerned for you.
Your post really touched me so I have written some responses. If this was just a vent and you needed to get stuff off your chest then please ignore the below. Just take the care and concern that went into writing the post as my kindness for you. Please note that I am at a low point of social contact in my own life which possibly influences my concern for you.
I am really glad that your friend rang and it felt good for you. It is a really good thing to experience.
That is fair enough. But could you go somewhere so that you have some minimal social contact? I sense a lot of pain from your post. I do feel for you a lot. If you don't meet some of your emotional needs, then your abandonment, rejection and anger will overflow when people do contact you and you will further isolate yourself through this interaction with people and cause more pain and rejection in your life. People on the whole, avoid angry people. Or people who talk too much from an anxiety filled place, like me.:)
It is great that you can write here as you don't feel rejected here. It is important to have people that you feel you can be around and belong to and be understood by. I relate to your feelings of pain and rejection. So I am glad that you are here with us.
There are patterns in families and friendships over who does the ringing. They start when we are small children and often last for life. It seems, that in my friendship groups that I am expected to be the ringer. Were you the ringer most of your life? If you were the social instigator, like me, people have unconscious expectations that we ring. And they don't get the hurt if we (to them) suddenly choose to change the rules and want them to ring us.
Yelling at people usually doesn't change their behaviours, unless it is an emergency situation. In fact yelling at people means that they are less likely to contact you. Expressing anger on the phone is gone and dusted after the event. (But you don't want to do that the majority of times people ring you as they will stop ringing you.) Putting those types of things on social media like Facebook, mean people read and reread your anger and it can be interpreted in many ways, thus the resulting defriending, as you will be seen as unreasonable for expressing emotions in this way.
This is where assertiveness is a better option. Something along the lines of "When all the ringing in the family for contact is left to me, I feel alone and unwanted, do you think you could ring me once a fortnight, for a five minute contact, so that I feel more connected to you?" This approach, or another one, as decided by you and your T could get you the results of contact and connection that you want. I have noticed that changing from the main social instigator to having some calls from people in your social network can take a couple of years. If people do ring, it is important to reinforce that behaviour by making it a pleasant experience, so that they ring again, if we are cross with them for not ringing more often, then they will be unlikely to ring again.
It depends what outcome that you want. If you want to cut your family off - like I did then that is okay. But if you want contact (and it sounds like that is important to you) I wouldn't be telling them this. It will just further alienate you from them and increase your loneliness. You deserve better than that.
The talking the bat and ball and going home and not playing anymore because you don't like how they play is more of a deeply pained child reaction. It might be better to do some healing with your inner child or whatever part of you that is experiencing this deeply held pain before you tell your family about writing about the will.
Rejection and abandonment are hard to deal with. You don't want to sabotage future relationships with your family by ruining your chances.
Containing your own anger and dealing with that might be more helpful to you in the long run than expressing your anger and rage at your family, which will only make them pull away more, increasing your feelings of rejection. You have this forum to express all those feelings and get all that stuff out, which could be more productive in the long run.
Anyway these are just suggestions. I am not able to express to anger to people on the whole so I admire that you are able to feel and express your anger. This is a step beyond me, that is for sure. You might what to choose carefully who you express that anger and rage to so you don't further isolate yourself.
Anyway none of this might be helpful and if it isn't I am sorry. I just was concerned for you.
Okay, um, on a bit of rollercoaster tonight. Feeling pretty bad about not going to the parade this morning, but it starts at 0930 and my watch isn't over until 0700. I still have a medal ribbon to sew on to my tunic and my shoes need to be bulled. I've not got time, I don't think.
I always get really emotional at Remembrance Day parades and I'm afraid that it'll be too much for me after nearly 24 hours without sleep and still being...fragile, as it were.
I've really let them down this year, haven't I?
So...miserable, guilty and really, really lonely. Desperate for someone to talk to.
I need to stop whinging like this. I'm sorry.
I always get really emotional at Remembrance Day parades and I'm afraid that it'll be too much for me after nearly 24 hours without sleep and still being...fragile, as it were.
I've really let them down this year, haven't I?
So...miserable, guilty and really, really lonely. Desperate for someone to talk to.
I need to stop whinging like this. I'm sorry.
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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
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