I'm not very good at distinguishing my own emotions, but I'll try to give this a serious effort.
I feel...
-I feel lost and unknown to myself; ever a stranger in a life that I don't feel I belong in.
-Like an alien distant and isolated from other people in my immediate family, society, and the world at large.
-Like I'm a ghost/phantom living on the outside looking in on my life as it happens.
-Introspectively looking for an answer that will pull my identity together, and make everything 'clearer'.
-Completely depleted of energy as usual wondering if I'll have the energy necessary to make it through another day.
-Like I have to hold my pain in (the bloody mess that it is) and under NO circumstances let NO ONE see it.
-In misery and loneliness...
-Wondering what is the point of this life that I've been living, and why I should continue with it. I've felt for so long that I was brought into life only to feel nothing but abuse, neglect, isolation, anger, and callousness from other people. Why are some people given positive lives, and homes, and yet others must FIGHT for their very right to EXIST when that is a basic right EVERY human being has?
-Bitter with anger for not having anyone who understands the complexity of the situation I'm now in, and having to go it alone as people struggle to live life in regularity and STILL complain.
-Like nothing has any meaning anymore; like there's no significance in the little things in life...everything feels so distant and irrelevant as I TRY to fight for some semblance of meaning in the chaos of random life events.
-In a state of wonder and confusion about where my life is taking me; who is this man I'm becoming? I'm amazed, confused, inspired, anxious all at the same time about this new life that's growing in me.
-Caught between the clouds of incoherent thoughts, and coherent, clear ones.