I feel uncomfortable. I feel shame, remorse, guilt, like I'm scum, rotten. I feel like I'm a really sad person for not calling her on her birthday, but I didn't want to call someone who treats me like I don't exist, even if she did give birth to me.
I feel judged and anxiety. I feel hated by my brother. No one takes my side there, we're strangers.
I feel sad and uptight about it. Don't know what to do here? Can I do something to make amends or do I just leave it and let the feelings pass? Unsure. MY brain feels worried and anxious, my body feels rested and tense, in need of a holiday and massage, tired from waking up in the middle of the night from a deep sleep to this.
Feel like I need comfort and to talk. Not sure if anyone is willing to though? Don't know how I'm going to talk myself out of this one. I feel tortured over this. I'm torturing myself over it.